The Prayer of St. Francis

The Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!

That where there is hatred, I may bring love.

That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.

That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.

That where there is error, I may bring truth.

That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.

That where there is despair, I may bring hope.

That where there are shadows, I may bring light.

That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted.

To understand, than to be understood.

To love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.

It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

A Sober Response to Shaming

Today, I received a text from an individual desiring to remind me of my past – I suppose in an effort to shame me or hurt me in some way. I sat back, thought about it, and wrote:

“Not sure why you felt it necessary to lambast from the past. It’s cool, though. Whatever.

Know that I’m grateful that Grace and forgiveness come from God and not humans for salvation and righteousness, as we should all be. He does not keep a record of wrongs once we accept His grace, nor does Love. I Corinthians 13.

I accept your remarks, but I also clearly see from them that you are a recorder of wrongs – and that is something I pray will become tempered for you as you grow toward more knowledge of God and His son Jesus.

Truly, I wish you a blessed day. Safe travels. May your family always be deeply and unconditionally loved by you. I pray for that.”

This is a monumental reaction for me. I had a brief conversation with myself about whether to put forward a response or not, but I decided it was right and good to have a measured reaction.

My reaction is sober. It is not emotion-led as it would have been three years ago before I stepped into AA – before I came face-to-face with God in a way I’d never done before – personal, deep, and intrusive (in the best way) – before I understood the depth of my need for God in my addiction, which I didn’t know that I had, … not just to alcohol.

It started well before alcohol crossed my lips at the ripe old age of 32. I was addicted to fear, to a drive for self-preservation, to victimhood.

My basic instincts were threatened most moments of each day (whether in actuality or just perceived – my reality was unmanageable for me) … and I picked up alcohol and other unhealthy behaviors to soothe my sick mind, my fear-filled mind. I turned to whole bottles of wine each evening, tequila at every opportunity, and hidden vodka in my closet that got mixed into the QT cups I had with me most every moment of the day – just so I could “survive” the things that plagued me. I will not speak to the actions that were not my own that affected my life – those are for other individuals to answer for one day before God. I will speak to my own actions that came as a result of my dependency on mind-numbing substances and activities and my unwillingness to admit I was powerless without the help of God because I needed to escape and or ‘control;’ I frantically tried to ‘control’ and failed miserably. I lost my sanity. I drank heavily (most of you had no idea – I think). I had affairs. I became addicted to anything that numbed my pain. I searched and tried. Searched and tried. I ended up in two psych wards – suicidal – begging for death to take me but too chicken to truly carry it out – too fear-filled to live, but too afraid to end it. Despicable to even myself. I hated who I was. I hated myself. I was no good to anyone. Or so I thought.

In the last three years, as I have chosen a new path in sobriety, I have come to accept and love myself. I know grace, forgiveness, and gratitude. When I consider living amends now (because many amends are not something that is truly done one time) – the faces of my children swim in my mind and my heart. Those precious babies – who were affected deeply by my sickness – how I would if I could start over and make better choices … but I cannot.

What I can do. What I will do is this … I can begin today, however – fresh and new – determined to live sober. Determined to daily admit I am powerless over alcohol, over my addictions. I will admit daily that I need a higher power in my life because I am powerless, and HE is all-powerful. He is able, and He is capable. I will daily be willing to surrender to God, to accept His love, His forgiveness, and His Grace, and I will continue to bring the great message of healing to the next alcoholic – to those who suffer – lost in their addiction and pain.

I will be sober.

Sober from drink.

Sober from emotional drunkenness.

I accept the fact that there are those who will never forgive me or see me as anything other than a thorn in the flesh, and okay, I cannot change that. That is theirs to work through, to answer for on the great day of Judgment. I will not hold onto their attempts at shaming or their hate.

I will be clear-minded, and I will walk with purpose each day set out for me by God the Father. I do not know how many days left that will be … but on each one of those days, I will work the steps of AA, and I will love as Jesus Christ tells me to. This is a great way to live, and the gratitude that fills my life now is something I find overwhelmingly wonderful!

My son-in-law, Moti, sent me this song (attached here below) late last night, and I just listened to it this morning – THIS is what I’m talking about! If you have not struggled with addiction, this song gives insight into the plight of an alcoholic – the disease – the uncontrollable downward spiral – the pain – the torment – insight into what an alcoholic’s life is like. It is not something that we choose. It is a disease of the mind and the spirit. It is a war.

Maybe you do struggle with addiction, and you don’t know that is what it is that keeps your world in turmoil. Maybe you don’t realize you are not emotionally sober, much less not alcoholically sober. It is something worth looking into … are you powerless over the thing that controls you? Something to ask yourself … answers are out there.

If you have struggled with addiction, play this song on repeat. You CAN recover. You CAN be sober. You CAN continue in sobriety. You CAN have a spiritual experience that will change your world. Fight! It gets better! Stay in our community – we do this together!

“I’m finally someone that I know again
I started climbing out the hole I’m in
Fighting demons and I know I’ll win
It’s time for me to mend these broken wings

Life has been hard, I know it gets better
This is a war that I’ll fight forever

I have my scars, I’ll always remember
When I lost it all and never surrendered

When you fall down and the world’s closing in
You can get up again, up again

Life has been hard, I know it gets better
This is a war that I’ll fight forever

I have my scars, I’ll always remember
When I lost it all and never surrendered.”

The Antithesis of Critical Thought – A Battle Worth Fighting

“They should all be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.”

These words, which I read on a social media post thread in the Fall of 2020, will never leave my head; they are etched there for all of the time I have left on this earth. They were written in response to anti-vaxxers choosing not to get the vaccine. The individuals in that conversation appear to believe that the world would be a better place if all those who did not get a C*V*D vaccine were killed off. THEN … the “good” people could get on with their lives.

Am I the only one who sees a lack of logic here?

I’m a Composition Professor, and my job is to teach Critical Thinking skills (the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action. In its exemplary form, it is based on universal intellectual values that transcend subject matter divisions: clarity, accuracy, precision, consistency, relevance, sound evidence, good reasons, depth, breadth, and fairness. – The Foundation for Critical Thinking). These wildly partisan and close-minded, even hate-filled, words – “They should all be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.” – were on a social media post written by an individual who also is a Professor whose job is to teach Critical Thinking skills in higher education. I find it beyond concerning that a person who is to teach students to not only think for themselves but also to question ideas and information and to write strong arguments can be of such an opinion, which is, in and of itself, the antithesis of critical thinking. (An Argument, in the manner used in Composition courses, is a statement or set of statements that you use in order to try to convince people that your opinion about something is correct. – Collins Dictionary.)

Common Sense (sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts – Merriam-Webster) states that if there are two sides to an issue and the side with the stronger amount of power goes ahead and kills off the faction with a differing viewpoint – within a short period of time, there again will arise an issue on which that remaining group of “good” people will find themselves disagreeing. Will the group in power apply the same “logic” as before? “They should all be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.” It follows with that type of initial “thinking” that yes, again, the population gets halved. And so on and so forth.

Is this a Slippery Slope Logical fallacy (a course of action that seems to lead inevitably from one action or result to another with unintended consequences – Merriam-Webster)? Or is it straight common sense? I shouldn’t have to ask because the statement that started the conversation is without a shred of actual logic or critical thought but, rather it contains emotion and lack of consideration for opposing perspectives, including ‘science’ which contains evidence to the contrary regarding vaccines that people in power silenced and called disinformation. Why? Ah, there’s that beautiful word – Why.

True argument and strong critical thinking begin with an acknowledgment that people hold different viewpoints – the world around. Not just an acknowledgment but also the willingness to understand the WHY behind the beliefs and ideas of opposing perspectives. WHY is the keyword. Take some time to discover why. Consider other perspectives and why they exist. Think on those based and rooted in experience and fact. Challenge with calmness and rationale those perspectives based on feelings and baseless attempts at argument. These are easy to recognize if you educate yourself, as the curriculum does for my classes, in Rhetorical Devices (a linguistic tool that employs a particular type of sentence structure, sound, or pattern of meaning in order to evoke a particular reaction from an audience. – ThoughtCo), Logical Fallacies (an argument that may sound convincing or true but is actually flawed, leading to an unsupported conclusion. – Scribbr), cognitive dissonance (the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change. – Oxford Languages), confirmation bias (people’s tendency to process information by looking for, or interpreting, information that is consistent with their existing beliefs. – Britannica), and nonverbal language (the act of conveying information without the use of words. Nonverbal communication occurs through facial expressions, gestures, body language, tone of voice, and other physical indications of mood, attitude, approbation, and so forth, some of which may require knowledge of the culture or subculture to understand. – APA Dictionary of Psychology).

In my Comp II classes, the first week begins with a biography of my life and some unique things about me. Then, I have the students tell something unique about themselves. Each one shares. After this sharing time, I stress how different we all are – and that our upbringings, our cultures, and our experiences shape our beliefs and values, and that none of us has had the same set of those – and because of this we will see the world through different eyes. I talk about how that should be exciting to us … It should entice us to talk to one another in an effort to understand the WHY behind beliefs and ideas, thus giving us an opportunity to learn and to grow and strengthen our own ideas. Then, I address how, unfortunately, we, the citizens of this spinning globe, gravitate only toward those whose thinking is similar to our own, and we are comfortable deciding that any person who has a different set of values or beliefs is wrong – and, in the case of the social media post on a colleague’s page – those with differing ideas should die off – seeing as only people who look like us and think like us could in any way be “good.” I tell my classes that we will rise above the emotion-based dramatic nature of ‘cancel’ culture (the practice or tendency of engaging in mass canceling as a way of expressing disapproval and exerting social pressure – Merriam-Webster), and we will remember that we are all different in beautiful ways, and it is a good thing that we see life from opposing perspectives and that we have the opportunity to look at life with a broader understanding of how small each of us is in the scheme of things, to know that there are bigger things than us at play in this world. In truth, we need each other. We need different ideas and perspectives if we want to … well, that starts me down another conversation, which I choose to reserve for another post.

In my classes, after the groundwork is laid for how to participate in true arguments and be critical thinkers, we discuss how being open to the ideas of others and being able to incorporate opposing perspectives into our arguments pushes us to understand where someone else is coming from, and how it also forces you to understand your own beliefs and WHY you hold the viewpoints that you do. Are your ideas based on assumptions, biases, and/or logical fallacy? Are they because your Momma and Daddy taught you to believe that way? Are they because CNN or FOX told you to believe it? Did you pick those ideas up at your church? Watching a TV preacher? Did your college professor fill your head with those ideas? Or do you have true facts, indisputable and verifiable from trustworthy sources – drawn from research that you yourself have conducted and weighed with logic and common sense sans emotional reactions? Where do the ‘facts’ come from? What are the motivations or beliefs of the sharers of those ‘facts’? Do not just believe what you read and what you are told. Deep dive into information on which you feel compelled to assert an opinion. On a consistent basis, I tell my students to listen in class but not to 100% take my word for it on multiple subjects. I tell them to research the information for themselves. Know why you believe what you believe. Know it.

Recently, a student questioned (outside of class) the source of some statistical data regarding a topic I shared in class. Information I shared with a desire for the students to apply critical thought to the matter – to look up information for themselves. The student wanted to use my information, though, for a research paper in another course. My source for that particular data was one I felt certain another professor might disregard due to political affiliation, so I dug in and assisted the student in locating information in that same vein from a Yale University-based study, which would be a more acceptable source of statistical data for a paper in that professor’s course – being that it was an Academic resource, not a news media source. Be willing to dive beyond depths of comfort and like-minded resources in making an argument. Using data from sources that the opposing perspective will trust or the ‘reader’ will trust is essential. In order to accomplish this, it is incumbent on the arguer to take time with research and knowledge. Think. Know why you believe what you believe and be able to back it up. I digress …

We are able, in class, to discuss topics like racism, consent, and politics because we establish uniqueness and common ground before stepping into ‘arguments.’ We research and bring information to the table, and we hold discussions in the classroom and in discussion threads online – maintaining respect for one another in the midst of disagreement and diversity. I insist on this – and by taking the time to lay the groundwork – this happens on a consistent basis. Most of the time, eyes open, new ideas form, and students find themselves growing in unexpected ways. If I can lead them toward critical thinking – using the rhetorical devices logos and ethos above pathos (Logos appeals to the audience’s reason, building up logical arguments. Ethos appeals to the speaker’s status or authority, making the audience more likely to trust them. Pathos appeals to the emotions, trying to make the audience feel angry or sympathetic – Scribbr) – then I accomplish a worthy feat. Pathos is important, but it is deceiving and manipulative if we get the prettified use of it in ‘argument’ in politics, religion, sales, and law … logical fallacies, cognitive dissonance, and confirmation bias abound.

Every semester, I tell stories. Lots of stories. My life is a playbook of lessons for others in the realms of critical thinking and communication skills. How not to do this. How not to do that. This is what happened when. You know, life events that brought me to this passionate space regarding communication and argument and seeking truth in a sea of serpents and chaotic drama. One particular story I tell every time I discuss the definition of argument and one of its foundational steps is about my daughters, who at this time are 26 and 24. This event occurred 10 years ago when they were 16 and 14, teenagers who knew more than me. Insert a smirk.

It was a sunny day … how’s that for a beginning? I do not remember if it was a sunny day, but I was cooking dinner. In my space, the kitchen. My domain where I stood most days fixing dinner for my family. The 16 and 14-year-old daughters-o-mine enter the kitchen, bringing their fight with them. We will not use the word argument, because this was in no way a true argument. It was emotion-packed – angry and self-seeking – and neither girl was listening (different from hearing – “In their definitions alone, it’s clear to see the big difference between the two. Listening requires attention, meaning it’s active. Hearing is passive — you can’t close your ears, so sounds will enter and be heard. This makes it involuntary.” – University of the People) to a word the other actually said.

“Mom, she ….”

“Mom, she …”

Back and forth they went, both trying to score Mom’s approval – to win the fight. My focus was on dinner, not on their inability to communicate with one another on a semi-rational level, and their mess of need for winning caused my concentration on the task in front of me which included chicken and seasonings to get off track. I turned around, spice jar in hand, and in a calm voice said, “That’s it. You’re neither one loving your neighbor as yourself.” I stared at them. Looking at one and then the other.

Silence. They looked at me. They looked at each other.

The fight was over … they had common ground.

Mom is crazy.

They left the kitchen, no longer fighting, and I returned to making their dinner. Sheesh, people.

Common ground (a foundation of common interest or comprehension, as in a social relationship or a discussion. – Dictionary.com). It is a beautiful place to be, and we only get there by listening to the perspective of others, asking great questions like WHY, and drawing conclusions rooted in commonalities and solutions. Another way to put this is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Am I right? You want others to listen to you and to consider your thoughts, ideas, and opinions. So, likewise, listen to theirs. It’s not complicated.

I write this with the hope that one person will stop and think about the Why as they walk through their day encountering differing perspectives. Ideally, a movement of people who think for themselves would be fantastic … alas, this world and the status of it does not give me that much hope. Always at war. Here or there. Always fighting. Pointing fingers. Selfishness. Narcissism. Me, me, me, me. Dehumanization. Not seeing the value in others beyond being stepping stones to our own desires. You know … the “good” people getting on with their lives.

It won’t stop me, though. I will be an advocate for true argument, for critical thought, for considering the “Why,” for asking questions, for great conversations, for … peace.

I do not push my own politics on students. I strive to teach them to THINK FOR THEMSELVES because I do not want any of them to be sheeple (people who copy what other people do or believe what they are told and do not think for themselves. Sheeple is a combination of the words sheep and people. – Cambridge Dictionary). I have to do this, must do this, because there are those in my career field who preach the exact opposite from their podiums. They embrace cancel culture and indoctrination of masses of students into their own political ideologies. They say things like, “They should all be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.” Not only them but the news media, politicians, and some preachers are all set on telling people what to believe, and they do it in ways they know people will not question. CNN reported it; it must be true. FOX showed a picture of the breaking scene; it must be accurate. To this, I sigh, and I share here a quote I have in my Comp II syllabus. The portion in blue is what my syllabus holds, but the entire quote is appropriate to this discussion. Too often, “we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.” ~ JFK

“The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie–deliberate, contrived, and dishonest–but the myth–persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic. Too often we hold fast to the cliches of our forebears. We subject all facts to a prefabricated set of interpretations. We enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.” – John F. Kennedy – Commencement Address at Yale University, June 11, 1962

It’s a battle worth fighting.

Me? Crazy? Cool.

At one point in my life being told I was crazy would have put me into self-defense mode. No, not me. I’m not crazy, and without fail, a fight ensued. A fight, not an argument, because an argument is a calm, courteous process in which opposing ideas are discussed, shared, and considered wherein those participating in the argument stay open-minded, though skeptical. You’re crazy. She’s crazy. Hurt feelings and an irrational need for people to like me caused me to want to defend myself against crazy, and the person calling me crazy wanted me to feel crazy … I guess. It worked. For years, I believed I must be crazy, though it was never truly defined what crazy was, and it just seemed like a bad thing to be, … until I began to heed my own instruction in the classroom regarding argument, logical fallacies, and communication skills.

Calling someone crazy is most often a logical fallacy whose intent is to discredit the individual under scrutiny. Ad hominem … attack of the person or idea as a diversion from actual evidence or lack of evidence. It should be an immediate red flag. A stop sign. Calling someone crazy or any names at all that are derogatory indicates distraction from true argument and the entrance of emotion into the discourse, which leads to a lack of argumentation and the beginning of fighting, or to use a fancier word … a quarrel. I have no interest in quarreling. A solid argument that aligns with the true definition of argument has no need for name-calling. At this point in my life, if name-calling begins, I’m no longer interested in participating with the fallaciously driven individual calling names and/or their rising temper or lack of fair, supported actual argument.

Another thing I consider now is the definition of crazy. There are multiple definitions ranging from deranged to awesome to simply meaning “extremely.” It depends upon the part of speech you choose to use for the word, the tone of voice the word comes across in, and it depends upon the user’s level of slang … it also depends upon the word user’s level of emotional control. There is also the element that with a word like crazy, often the definition of the word inside of a statement is dependent upon the user of the word and not any actual dictionary definition of the word. If a word’s user has disdain for another individual, using the term crazy in defining the reason for disregarding that individual or their opinion becomes a ‘normal’ behavior, and it is intended as defamation. You crazy. That’s crazy. It’s all crazy. Crazy, man. Crazy. What a word!

The best idea regarding this idea of crazy is this … You’re ready for this? It’s crazy.

Okay, so … I’m crazy. I accept that. If you want to call me names or be derogatory, go ahead. I am okay with that. See … I know me. I know who I am. I know why I believe what I believe. I know why I do what I do. Most of the time. I know why I’ve done what I’ve done. I know what diagnoses I’ve had from medical folks who never spent more than a half hour with me prior to diagnosis – folks who did not have full pictures of my life, my experiences, or my addiction to attention, acceptance, and alcohol. I know how I have fought to know God and myself and to let go of fear and addiction as idols in my life. I know that I am loved by a man who many think is crazy, too. Guess what? He doesn’t care; we embrace the moniker crazy. My husband stands firm in his beliefs and in his faith – often his opinions are ‘unwelcome’ because they are uncomfortable, blunt, and without concern for the opinions of people because he is concerned more with the opinion of God. With him and as an individual, I, too, stand firm in my faith and in my education. I hold strong political and spiritual opinions. I see life as a war between good and evil. I live my life doing what I believe is the next right thing. I like me. Finally. So, if you want to think I’m crazy for any of that or all of that, cool. Go ahead with that thought. I’m good with it. I tend to agree with the “great philosopher” Stephen King, who said …

“I think that we’re all mentally ill. Those of us outside the asylums only hide it a little better – and maybe not all that much better after all.”

Isn’t that crazy?

Cool.

#facts #wereallcrazy #crazyisascrazydoes #youcrazy #whatiscrazy #adhominem #crazyargument

Thoughts on Capturing Thinking

**Spoiler** This post is full of references to God and Scripture – and my understanding of God’s Will for myself … and for Believers … it may (I suppose) contain food-for-thought for those outside the moniker of ‘believer’ as well.

There are moments when being the bigger person is beyond difficult. I almost said days, but really, it’s moments. Let’s be honest – emotions are fleeting – and there are moments when everything in my emotional pallet wants to scream and stomp and lay out a litany of sins perpetrated against me that are kept hidden, secreted away for the sake of not the perpetrator but those around the perpetrator who might be further hurt and damaged by the knowledge that I hold deep inside than they already are by circumstances in our lives. I have evidence. I have proof. I have witnesses, but … and this but is important … but, it is more important to me that the innocence of those I want to protect is kept intact than my own vilification is allowed or my own ‘worldly’ (because it would only be in this worldly plane) or selfish need for ‘justice’ is satiated.

In moments like these, I recognize my emotional drunkenness, and I pray to God for the strength to keep my mouth shut and to let those things go – which, after each of these self-preservation moments in which I have paused and reflected, has become easier over time – though occasionally, a ‘moment’ arises in a crescendo where I selfishly want to be seen and heard and let the whole world know what I know and who I think I am! With an exclamation point, I concluded that previous statement because that desire can grow immense and become all-encompassing … for that moment. Despite a moment like that or the number of those moments, I more and more choose not to give in to my sinful desire for justification before men … because, truly, to what end do I need or want this ‘reckoning’?

My own selfish rise in the opinions of others whose thoughts regarding me matter not when it comes to my own entrance to Heaven? Yeah, wow … how about No – because what matters most is my relationship with God and what He thinks of me! Above all. And He … He knows my story. He knows my inmost thoughts and my emotions. He knows my heart, and He loves me despite my ‘moments’ and my past. It is to God alone that I am to look for justification and acceptance because it is Him alone who will determine my eternity! Amen to that. Yes and so be it.

I’m speaking this right now as a reminder to myself that in these moments when my selfish desires (emotional reactions) rise and cloud my better reasoning (my ability to think critically and logically), I must continue to look to God for the strength to keep my eyes on Him and His purposes for me, which are steeped in the logic and wisdom of God, as I walk through the remainder of my days in this early realm.

Isn’t it funny (not the best word here … perhaps, ‘sad’ or ‘ironic’ or ‘tragic’), though, how, in one moment, we feel confident of a perspective, and then, in another moment, we can be of a different feeling altogether. We, of our own accord, are tossed to and fro in our emotions … Me, I’m writing about me, though I say ‘we.’ I write this to remind myself right now that I am not my own. I am bought at a price. I am God’s according to I Corinthians 6 as well as many other passages in Scripture, and though I am speaking to myself here, I also hope that this glimpse into one of my inner struggles and how I wriggle and work my way through controlling my thoughts and my emotional responses on an ever-upward path of spiritual growth will be an encouragement for you to let God work out what has been ‘done’ to you by others and life’s events as you keep your eyes on Him and what His will is for your life.

I can say with confidence that God’s will for me (and probably you, too) does not include tearing others down, spreading negativity, or trying to make myself better than any other person in the eyes of other people for momentary and prideful ‘power’ or control or earthly justification. Those things/behaviors/desires are not Godly. His will for me (for all of us) is, in fact, that I/we Love Him above All Else and that I/we Love Our Neighbors As Ourselves. Matthew 22:37-40. It is His will that we understand that, as it says in Hebrews 13:13-14, “So let us go out to him beyond the city walls (that is, outside the interests of this world, being willing to be despised^[a]) to suffer with him there, bearing his shame. ¹⁴For this world is not our home; we are looking forward to our everlasting home in heaven,” this earth is not our home. Heaven is.

Recently, I read 2 Corinthians 10, and it has me meditating on ‘taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ.’ After reading this passage and having listened to it in an audiobook format and discussing it with my husband, Patrick, I’ve been considering the idea that not all thoughts that enter my mind are from God. Pretty profound thought when I considered where else ideas might come from … it was an uncomfortable reality that confronted me. There are thoughts in my head that are not of good, but of evil … and evil comes from the Devil … and those thoughts in my head that are not of God or for God are from the one who wants my destruction, who wants me to be selfish, to be self-seeking, to be depressed, broken, to give up and commit to a life apart from God without my realizing it is even happening! No. No to that. And at this moment, I say No. And I pray that in all the moments to come, I will have the presence of mind and the Scripture filling my mind and my heart to take captive my thoughts and to make them obedient to God and His will for my life as I walk through the remainder of the days allotted for me, by Him, on this earth.

Here is I Corinthians 10. The words of Paul the Apostle where he, Paul, discusses making our thoughts obedient to Christ and being concerned more with what the Lord thinks of us than the world. From this point forward on this matter in this post, I defer to these words from Scripture relating to ‘moments’ in my thoughts and emotions.

“By the humility and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” toward you when away! ²I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. ³For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ⁶And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

⁷You are judging by appearances.^[a] If anyone is confident that they belong to Christ, they should consider again that we belong to Christ just as much as they do. ⁸So even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than tearing you down, I will not be ashamed of it. ⁹I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters. ¹⁰For some say, “His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing.” ¹¹Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present.

¹²We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. ¹³We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the sphere of service God himself has assigned to us, a sphere that also includes you. ¹⁴We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. ¹⁵Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our sphere of activity among you will greatly expand, ¹⁶so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. For we do not want to boast about work already done in someone else’s territory. ¹⁷But, “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”^[b] ¹⁸For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.”

To be commended by the Lord is what I desire.

Onward. Upward. Heaven-Bound.

January 1, 2024, finds me sitting at my dining room table at 11:15 in the morning wanting to tell each and every person in my life that is special to me that you ARE INDEED SPECIAL TO ME. Do I write all individual notes? Oh my goodness … as I contemplated this, I realized I would be sitting here for days! And then … I find myself thinking over how blessed I am. And then, as my mind does tend to wander, a saying I posted about a month or so back came to mind … You still haven’t met all of the people who will love you (or you will love) in this life. WOW. How incredibly mind-blowing! I see so many faces in my mind’s eye right now that I love and are special to me … and to think there are still more to come … I am grateful. And there’s my word again … GRATEFUL.

I’m grateful, even though 2023 was a rough year. Getting used to life without my sweet Momma has been wrenching. Every day, there are tears. I see her all around me and want to take her small self into my arms and hold her so so tight. I want to tell her that I love her over and over again. I want to call her on my drive home from work and tell her all about my day – my wild lesson ideas, my interactions with students, my triumphs, and my failures – I’m so grateful now for the patience I know she had with me and my crazy. At the end of 2022, we lost her. I lost her. And then, our family got more hard news. Sonya had lung cancer. My husband’s ex-wife, who stayed a member of the family for over 30 years. A best friend to my husband and to my sister-in-law Veronica, and who became my sister – tattooed in sisterhood. Chosen sisters. Sonya sat with me at the hospice house while Momma’s body was dying. Sonya sat with me in silence for hours and held my hand. She had lung cancer. What followed were months in 2023 of family get-togethers, taking lots of pictures, holding garage sales to help with medical bills, praying … and then, we lost her. In August, she passed on into the arms of Jesus, and our family misses her. To say misses her does the situation no justice. I’m looking at the top shelf of the hutch in my dining room. Patrick’s son Brad’s picture, Momma’s picture, and Sonya’s sit there. Three of our loves, who have gone before us. A daily reminder of love and loss … and I look at those faces, and I know they would not want us to hole up and not live while we are here … Because THEY KNOW WHAT’S ON THE OTHER SIDE. They would want us to live for truth and to love the people God puts in our paths! To tell those that we love that we love them. To not take time for granted. It is here one moment. Then, gone the next. Forever.

So … as I sit here and contemplate what 2023 was and that 2024 begins today … I want to begin with gratefulness. I am grateful that God the Father sent Jesus to this whacked-out place full of ne-er do wells and crazies (all of us fall into one if not both of those categories) as my Savior, and that though we were and are still sinners, Christ died for each of us. I am grateful for my family – blood and chosen, for lifelong friends and for friends from so many points in life – friends for the time – when they were appointed to be there – those friends who still hold places in my heart. I am grateful for new friends and for my students – past, present, and future. I am grateful for good days and for hard days. I am grateful for life lessons, for AA, for emotional sobriety. I am grateful for common sense. I am grateful for the Serenity prayer. I am grateful for opportunities to hold my tongue and for times to speak up for what I know is right. I am grateful for hard life events that I do not understand at the time because retrospect has taught me that God works in ways I cannot see nor understand while walking those pathways. I am grateful to have learned it’s okay if not everyone likes me. I am grateful to have learned how to like me because God made me. I am grateful that my husband reads God’s word, prays with me, and that he listens to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I am grateful that my Daddy lives with us. I am grateful for this home that Patrick and I are building – that each person we welcome into our home feels peace and comfort within these walls. I am grateful for my cats. I am grateful for my work, for soft skills, for PowerPoint presentations, for ice cream, for jigsaw puzzles, for Ramon’s cooking, for documentaries, for country music. I am grateful for photography, for lofty ideas, for opposing perspectives, for growth, for intimacy, for thrift stores. I am grateful for pizza, and I am grateful to be a mother, a grandmother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and a friend.

There is so much to be grateful for, even in the midst of sorrow and hard things. That is what I’m taking into 2024 … the gratefulness I found in 2023 despite what life tossed at us. I’m strapping that word to my shoulders and carrying it forward. Come. What. May. Onward. Upward. Heaven-bound.

Grateful. I am grateful for YOU … and cowboy boots.

Serenity … Me?

There is no feasible way to count how many times I have said the Serenity Prayer. I have known it for most of my 51 years and can recite it word for word, yet I have never truly considered its meaning until one day last week when my husband broke it down.

Lord. Not me. Not my husband. Not you. But Lord. This is a prayer. This is a petition to God, the Father. Lord …

Grant me the serenity … how many times have I said the word serenity or quoted it from an episode of Seinfeld where Mr. Costanza yells, “Serenity now!” with his hands up in the air? Again, there is no conceivable means of measuring this. Serenity is a word that I recognize and even use from time to time, but when the last time was that I sat and considered its meaning, I cannot say. According to a Google Box online dictionary, serenity is “the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.” It is a nice word – serenity. It is something I longed for most of my life … being calm, at peace, and untroubled. In fact, most of my life, I would have told you that my favorite Scripture is Psalm 46:10, which says, “Be still and know that I am God.” Be serene. This is a concept I found elusive but wanted, though I let myself get in the way.

And why would I do that? Because I did not know how to … accept the things I cannot change, which is the next part of the serenity prayer. Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Accept them? Oh, my goodness, no. I wanted to control them. Fix them. Make them stop. Go away. Accept them? Excuse my French, but what are the H.E. Double Hockey Sticks?

There have been many things in my life that caused me anxiety and depression. Rather, I let it cause me anxiety and depression. And I stewed over those things. My stress levels affected my health and my mental as well as emotional health. I was in a constant state of “fix it.” I sought counseling, read my Bible at arm’s length, tried to fix myself and others, lost my mind, drank too much, ended up in the psych ward labeled borderline personality disorder, and found myself living with choices I had never dreamed in my youth that I would encounter in my life. Always try to fix, fix, fix … Never serene. Not even a little bit.

I am in a new place in my life now where I have learned how to control my emotional self in emotional sobriety. Because of this, I see my life through new eyes. Rational eyes. Clear eyes. I understand that there are things in this life that I cannot change – like people, consequences, circumstances, and the fact that evil runs rampant in the world. Not today, at least. Today, what I can do is pray this prayer … God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Okay, so I accept that there are things I cannot change. Like people. Consequences. Circumstances. Evil running rampant in the world. I cannot change those … so to allow those to have emotional control over me is foolish. Naïve is a nicer word, but foolish is a truer depiction of reality. So much of my life was spent foolishly trying to fix what I could not change.

No more. Each morning now, I ask myself … what is it today that I cannot change? I name those things and then ask God to grant me the serenity to accept that I cannot change everything. Ahhhhh … there is a calm that comes with this. There is peace. There is an untroubling of yourself when you relinquish the ridiculous notion that you can “fix” everything.

Though, at times, there are those things that can be fixed. Perhaps one day, a certain situation falls under serenity because it cannot be fixed, but then, on another day, that same situation becomes something altogether different, and you … I … am faced with the next portion of the Serenity prayer.

Courage to change the things I can.

Honestly, this part made me uncomfortable for a long time. Fear encased me for so long that it became my comfort shell, which is twisted, and the idea of exhibiting the courage to change anything debilitated me. Being debilitated is the worst. I despised it and myself for my fear and my lack of courage. I knew it existed, but what was I going to do about it? Not a damn thing. Not until I let a lack of serenity and a plummet into emotional drunkenness drop me into a place where there was nowhere to look but up … at my Savior.

Jesus? God? Are you there? I surrender! I cannot do this myself!

I prayed, and I begged the Father to help me – to show me His peace.

Over time, He has, and He has given me courage. It is His courage, not something I mustered up on my own, and I am beyond grateful for it.

Courage to change the things I can. There are things in this life that I can change. Not people. Not consequences. Not circumstances. Not that evil runs rampant through this world. But what I can change is myself and how I interact with those things that I cannot change. I can change myself. My actions and my reactions. I can begin each day with the Serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can … and the wisdom to know the difference.

Yes, the wisdom to know the difference between what I can control and what I cannot control.

I cannot control people, consequences, many circumstances, and the fact that evil runs rampant in this world, but what I can control is me. I can surrender my fears, my anxieties, and my concerns to God the Father, and I can take on His peace. It is God’s to deal with the people, consequences, circumstances, and evil that runs rampant in the world. It is MINE to be in God’s word, to fill my heart with His love, to walk through the days as they come to me with His love first and foremost in my heart and mind. It is for me to live each day doing what God has for me to do. Love the people He puts in my path.

This is a much more peaceful way to travel on this earth.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

Let Them Earn a 65%

I just gave a well-written essay from an online course a 65%.

Why?

Because following directions is essential.

>There is no title.
>There are no page numbers.
>The Works Cited page is incorrect. The spacings are off, and there are no hanging indents.
>The author of the short story under discussion in the essay, who is dead, is referenced in present tense continually, even though I said to use past tense when discussing a dead author’s actions for logic’s sake. I discuss Literary Present with my students with a yada, yada, yada attitude because LOGIC states that if an author is dead, they are not writing or using anything at the present time. If they are, then we have a paranormal situation on our hands. Logic, people. Logic. Logos … speaking of Logos …
>The essay was to discuss Logos, Pathos, and Ethos as used by the short story’s author. None of these words were used – although the ideas were there. Whyever not? Why were the words not used as the directions stated? I gave the students a specific OUTLINE with the words even on it as the main points and the directions to put Ethos, Logos, and Pathos in the order they feel the author best utilized them in the short story. Define the rhetorical devices ( sub-point a). for each main point on the outline) and discussion Logos, Pathos, and Ethos using examples from the text.
>There were to be 1 to 2 quotes per page across the 6-page essay, meaning there should be 6 to 12 quotes/paraphrases. There was 1 in the entire document. 1. Only 1 – and yet, somehow, the incorrectly formatted Works Cited page had 4 sources – with no evidence of how they were used in the essay. Perhaps they were hastily added before turning in the essay and not used at all for research? If they’re not quoted or paraphrased, I can’t know; therefore, they are of no consequence.

Had these details been correctly utilized in crafting this essay, the content would have received the A it deserved. The content itself was grammatically spot on – though not the content necessarily requested. The general ideas of Logos, Pathos, and Ethos were discussed, but the words were not used. I have never encountered this before whilst grading this particular set of essays – not in any semester. It was written well, but I was beyond distracted grading it because of the aforementioned lacking details.

I tell my students regularly that formatting comes first in the editing stage. Make sure all your t’s are crossed and your i’s dotted. Ensure that your MLA formatting is spot on. I even gave them an EXAMPLE MLA paper to use as a guide with a correctly formatted Works Cited page. The assignment’s directions are specific. Overly specific. They are also to participate in Peer Review groups wherein they are encouraged BY ME – THE GRADER to look over their classmates’ formatting and content before the final drafts reach me, thereby helping every student reach “A” status – let that always be the goal of Peer Review! Do for others what you want them to do for you. Everyone has the opportunity for an “A” with this method. Unfortunately, some students skip this part … and this essay did come from an online course in which multiple students did not fully engage in their peer review groups, so chances are strong that the student has not taken in all that I have to give through video lectures and handouts.

Ah well. The student’s choice. “Let them.”

I listened to Mel Robbins discuss the “Let Them” theory this morning; she is correct. Let them. Let the students earn the 65%. https://youtu.be/YiE0QBkPvRQ?si=w3TVg9GKI-eBQChU

Everything in me would like the student to correct all of the items I’ve pointed out and get that 65% changed to an A … but that is the student’s choice. The option is there.

Let them.

I’m sitting here baffled, though. I would NEVER turn in something this lacking in correct detail.

Perhaps the paper was written by AI …

No Longer a Slave to Emotional Drunkenness

Emotional sobriety is a newer concept in my life, and it has changed me. I see now that my addictive behaviors did not extend to only alcohol but to fear, anxiety, and victimhood. Most of my life was spent in fear and anxiety even prior to alcohol crossing my lips. Fear and anxiety set themselves before the God I claimed to follow. They were idols. They were obsessions. Fear ruled my mind. Anxiety was my daily outfit. I went nowhere without both front and center. My life was emotional turmoil – all the way back to my middle school years.

What is emotional sobriety? Being able to manage emotions in a healthy way without resorting to substance or drama. Emotional sobriety means being sovereign – self-governing, independent, and not reliant upon people for emotional well-being. It means I am able to think before feelings try to control my reactions or my state of mind. It means that I stop and consider the big picture – outcomes – and who I belong to – that being my Higher Power, who for me, is Jesus Christ, the son of the Most High God. It is Him alone that I concern myself with as far as ‘liking’ me or ‘loving’ me, and He does like and love me. I know this, and I am no longer a slave to emotional drunkenness.

Three years ago if I had been told that one of my children didn’t want to see me, I would have holed up inside of my emotions and would have cried and sought counsel from multiple people over what to do with my victimhood. I would have wanted to spill my guts to that child about my ‘side of the story’ so that vindication would come, but then fear would set in, and I wouldn’t spill my guts to that child, in the name of being the ‘bigger’ person, but really it was because fear controlled me still – fear of the antagonist of my former life who I had allowed to become a little g god in my life. Fear. Anxiety. Antagonist. Emotional Drunkenness. Instability.

Enter AA and much self-reflection, which has led me to a deeper understanding of surrender to God.

Today, my response to a child of mine going through an emotional time and not wanting to see me is much different.

“It is what it is,” comes naturally out of my mouth these days. That may sound cold, and that is fine. I’m not looking for approval or validation.

Saying, “It is what it is,” isn’t cold. It’s logic-based. There is not a thing about the past that I can change, but what I can do today is think. Think about the big picture. Think about who I live for and what my purpose is – and focus my energy and my mind in those directions. Each day I have an opportunity to be a difference maker in the places I walk – and I will live for today – and I will show kindness and grace to those God puts in my path. In this, I choose to be clear-headed and big-picture-focused. My emotional pallet is no longer in control. Fear and anxiety are no longer addictions – they are tools of the enemy – and no thanks to both. I refuse to be emotionally drunk.

I choose emotionally sober.

We are Human, so It’s Unlikely That We Will Get Along

Something I will never understand is hating another person simple because they are of a different nationality, race, or religion. I won’t. I can’t understand this.

During the pandemic, I had a Facebook account on which I was connected to quite a few colleagues. Things were posted by many of them that I did not agree with, but I still respected these people because we have commonalities in that we work for the same institution, and we have similar goals – to prepare our students for their further education goals and their careers. I can look past most differences of opinion in politics and religion because those things do not belong at work … I even look past (to a degree) what I read on one coworker’s Facebook page where that coworker and one of their FB friends were discussing that people of a different political belief during the pandemic should be shot in the head so that “the good people can get on with their lives.” I read that, and I decided I did not need to be Facebook friends with coworkers – I even went so far as to delete my Facebook for a time – for a breather. Still, for over 2 years now, I have interacted with the individual, who agreed that people who believed differently should be dead so that good people can live in peace, on a professional basis, and I will always be kind. I do not hate this person for their difference of opinion from my own, but I also don’t need to be buddies with this individual. I keep the bigger picture in mind – that we have a common goal – the education of our students, and because of this, we are coworkers, and I do and will work alongside this person to the best solutions and benefit of those we influence. I am ever watchful, however, and I keep my beliefs and my personal life to myself. Each time I see that person, it does cross my mind that that individual would be okay with my being dead because I hold differing political beliefs … that person does not know I hold different beliefs because I do not air them at work – where they do not belong, and I keep my Facebook now free from coworker interaction but for two or three that I feel confident can be critical thinkers, like I try to be.

That phrase that I read on that coworkers FB page will never leave my head. Those with differing beliefs should be shot in the head “so that the good people can get on with their lives.” This argument would have a listener believe that with all opponents disposed of, that life would be a utopia. All would be roses and sunshine. There would be no more conflict. Right? No. At some point those “good” people will have a difference of opinion. Facts. The same logic must be applied as was applied before, so we must determine now who is good and who is bad. Well, those who have a different opinon from our own are obviously worthy of death … And then, the population shrinks again, and utopia returns. Until …

Call this a slippery slope if you like, but it’s not. It’s facts. There is no utopia this side of Heaven … and even in Heaven, Lucifer rebelled and had a difference of opinion with God the Father, which didn’t and doesn’t work out so well for him, Lucifer, also called the deceiver, the liar, the devil.

Every day the news talks about riots and protests and murder and war … all of it based upon distaste (euphemism), but the real word is hate, for opposing opinions, beliefs, religions, nationalities, and races. Differences. Some of which nothing can be done to change. Not a single thing. You are born who you are born. You are raised where you are raised. You experience what you experience. All of these things form who you are and who you become. Over time, we grow and we learn – and unfortunately, most people seem to learn to hate those who are different from them … and the idea of getting to know WHY a person is different never crosses their minds.

Today, my son-in-law, who is Israeli, received some hate-spam online for his business. The “attacker” had never used my son-in-law’s service, but found out he is Jewish, and this person made multiple attempts to defame my son-in-law in business reviews. This person does not even know my son-in-law. Does not know what a kind person he is. Does not know how intelligent he is. Does not know how hard he works. Does not know that he is 11 years sober and lives his life according to principles of emotional sobriety and Godliness. Does not know how tenacious and determined he is. Does not know how tenderly he loves my baby girl. Does not know how he loves his family and his native country. This online, anonymous “attacker” simply singled my son-in-law out because he is Israeli. That is all.

I do not. Will not. Cannot ever understand this.

I am baffled by this and so many other things.

BUT …

I will continue to teach students to think critically. I will continue to teach them to search of the “WHY” someone believes what they believe. I will encourage students to discover that beauty can and often does exist in differences – IF we take the time to get to know those who are different from us. Take time to discover why they believe what they do. Listen. Consider. Do not write someone off because they hold a different belief or look different. Learn from them. You might even find that you learn more about yourself when you listen to another perspective. You will either discover that you do not hold your belief as strong as you thought, OR you will strengthen your own perspective and find yourself better able to participate in argument conversation regarding that particular topic – emboldened with information – because you took the time to find out the “WHY.”

This is a topic I could go on and on about, but I won’t.

My version of utopia is a world in which differences are embraced and communication is prized and people of all nations work together for the benefit of all. But yeah … we are human, so this is unlikely.

I’m just one little voice, and while I can, I will use it to challenge a few others to at least consider the “WHY” behind different opinions. That’s how the greatest changes can be effected, right? Each one reaches one … and so on and so on. I like to think that I never know which one of my students will go on to be the next great orator, politician, preacher, difference maker. And now, I’m rambling.

“Love Your Neighbor As Yourself.”