WITH Mom Moments

Written on April 24, 2015
My 9-year-old was on Facebook. How may I ask? I’m not sure yet … it couldn’t be that he created himself a user, made up a birthday, and was keen enough to use a username I can’t find him under.   Yeah, I’m there.  I’ve searched for him, tried a variety of “names,” and have found nothing. But, he was looking at it on his Kindle. He was not logged in as me. Once a folk is logged out of Facebook, I checked, all that can be seen on my FB page is not what he was viewing … so … yeah.   Meeting time after I get home this evening.  Fo sho.
How about that alliteration in the title? Just noticed it.My 3rd born has an official school SSD diagnosis now. Mom fail is that we’d not cared for this years ago in the wake of our attention on her younger brother and his issues. But as of today and my phone conversation with the school psychologist, the process moves forward and my prayer, my goal, is to have her on the path of success that is for HER.  ADHD and Aspergers … we got you in this house. We got you and we know how to work you. Both of you. So, bring it “disorders” … go on, do what you can.  This mom is ready and this mom will ensure her 2 Aspie boys (one 1/2 ADHD) and her 1/2 Aspie/ADHD girl have all that they need in love and attention and guidance to make them confident and content individuals.  I got this.

And by the way, how are you 1/2 of either … ADHD or Aspie? Ha. It’s like getting a major and a minor in college education. One is the forefront, the other secondary. Thus I use the term 1/2.  The dominant trait and the lesser.  Yes, I can keep you straight, you “disorders” you.

Know this, I do not look upon you as disorders, but differences.  My children are unique.  Special. Created just as they are. Gifted in only ways that they can be. And I love them for each and every nuance that makes them who they are. Goosebumps it gives me. And I get to be the Momma. Awesome.

Then there are my random thoughts running and my mind skips from these four kiddos to the baby who walked into the kitchen and asked me “Why do people smoke weed?” out of the blue one day this week. I’m still reeling.  First of all, where and who have you heard of that from. Secondly, what????? Boy, oh boy. Can we put them all in a Bubble? Hide them away. Tuck them safely. Take them to the woods and keep ourselves from the rest of the world? Stay innocent, children. As long as you can. My word.

And the 2nd one. That Ned girl. She knows her Momma so well.  Sent me this today …..


Made me laugh.  Then she sent me this, followed by a “Yes! It must be done!”  And now I’m afraid to go home after work.  LOL.  Ah, motherhood. 
 
 

Is This Young Man Undateable? #Aspergers

 
This young man feels undateable. It’s the bane of his existence (to him) that social cues are not something he grasps. Years of story here … And what he asks is this. “Why am I like this?”

He asks, though he know it is the Aspergers.

Aspergers? You’ve heard of it I’m sure. It’s infiltrating our world-that and Autism. So what is it and why does it make him feel unlovable? According to Merriam Webster, Aspergers is ….

A developmental disorder resembling autism that is characterized by impaired social interaction, by repetitive patterns of behavior and restricted interests, by normal language and cognitive development, and often by above-average performance in a narrow field against a general background of deficient functioning called also Asperger’s disorder

According to me, the Momma, it’s not a disorder, it is a difference that makes my son special, tense, kind, quiet, intense, and, to my dismay, frustrated.  I see him as creative, different, his own special blend of awesome. With all that he is and with my gushing over him, all he wants to be normal .  But, what is normal?  Who gets to define normal and why do we let them?

As an Aspie, he is focused – the definition calls that restricted interests.  He paces. Often. The definition calls that repetitive behavior. He is open to most folks even when they’ve expressed frustration with him. Non-verbals and social cues he struggles with. He just does. He doesn’t want to.
In retrospect, after a discussion with mom, he tries to understand what he feels he should have seen or known … After we discuss it, he makes mental notes, and tries again, only to struggle again, to say something awkward, to garner mockery from “friends.” He doesn’t understand, doesn’t see. Some days he just throws his hands into the social air and he hibernates, locking away with technology, music, games, reading, his Bible.
He is an old soul in a young man. I find that lovely and poetic. Though his language skills can falter, he himself is poetic. On paper, he can write his thoughts, his feelings, his ideas. Orally, he suffers. And I hurt with him.

In his mind, he is the proverbial sore thumb, sticking far out, never to be cared for by any other than his mom.

This is the struggle of a young Aspie. Fitting in. Trying. Failing. Struggling in a society that demands we all be alike … When he can’t.

With all of my Momma’s heart, I want him to know his beauty. To know he is a contributor to this amazingness of life. To know that in this world, there is a young woman who will love him for all his quirks and innocence.

Give my boy a shout out here would ya? Aspies unite! :). So much he needs to know he is not alone!  Let me collect comments here that I can share with him … To bolster and encourage his amazing soul. Let him know he’s in good company with YOU …. And …

From www.disabled-world.com

Adam Young, multi-instrumentalist, producer and the founder of the electronic project Owl City.

Adrian Lamo, American computer hacker

Carl Soderholm, speaker in neuropsychiatric disorders

Clay Marzo, American professional surfer

Craig Nicholls, frontman of the Australian garage rock band, The Vines

Dan Aykroyd, comedian and actor: Aykroyd stated he has Asperger’s, but some feel he was joking.

Daniel Tammet, British autistic savant, believed to have Asperger Syndrome

Daryl Hannah, actress

Dawn Prince-Hughes, PhD, primate anthropologist, ethologist, and author of Songs for the Gorilla Nation

Gary Numan, British singer and songwriter

Heather Kuzmich, fashion model and reality show contestant on America’s Next Top Model

James Durbin, finalist on the tenth season of American Idol

Jerry Newport, American author and mathematical savant, basis of the film Mozart and the Whale

John Elder Robison, author of Look Me in the Eye

Judy Singer, Australian disability rights activist

Liane Holliday Willey, author of Pretending to be Normal, Asperger Syndrome in the Family; Asperger syndrome advocate; education professor; and adult diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at age 35

Lizzy Clark, actress and campaigner

Luke Jackson, author

Michael Burry, US investment fund manager

Nicky Reilly, failed suicide bomber from Britain

Paddy Considine, actor

Peter Howson, Scottish painter

Phillipa “Pip” Brown (aka Ladyhawke), indie rock musician

Raymond Thompson, New Zealand scriptwriter and TV producer

Richard Borcherds, mathematician specializing in group theory and Lie algebras

Robert Durst, American real estate developer accused of murder

Robert Napper, British murderer

Satoshi Tajiri, creator and designer of Pokemon

Tim Ellis, Australian magician and author

Tim Page, Pulitzer Prize-winning critic and author

Travis Meeks, lead singer, guitarist and song writer for acoustic rock band Days of the New.

Vernon L. Smith, Nobel Laureate in Economics

William Cottrell, student who was sentenced to eight years in jail for fire-bombing SUV dealerships

Speculated to have Asperger’s Syndrome

Abraham Lincoln,1809-1865, US Politician

Alan Turing, 1912-1954, English mathematician, computer scientist and cryptographer

Albert Einstein, 1879-1955, German/American theoretical physicist

Alexander Graham Bell, 1847-1922, Scottish/Canadian/American inventor of the telephone

Anton Bruckner , 1824-1896, Austrian composer

Bela Bartok, 1881-1945, Hungarian composer

Benjamin Franklin,1706-1790, US polictician/writer

Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970, British logician

Bobby Fischer, 1943-2008, World Chess Champion

Carl Jung, 1875-1961, Swiss psychoanalyst

Charles Rennie Mackintosh, 1868-1928, Scottish architect and designer

Emily Dickinson, 1830-1886, US poet

Erik Satie, 1866-1925 – Composer

Franz Kafka, 1883-1924, Czech writer

Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900, German philosopher

George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish playwright, writer of Pygmalion, critic and Socialist

George Washington, 1732-1799, US Politician

Gustav Mahler, 1860-1911, Czech/Austrian composer

Marilyn Monroe, 1926-1962, US actress

H P Lovecraft, 1890-1937, US writer

Henry Cavendish, 1731-1810, English/French scientist, discovered the composition of air and water

Henry Ford, 1863-1947, US industrialist

Henry Thoreau, 1817-1862, US writer

Isaac Newton, 1642-1727, English mathematician and physicist

Jane Austen, 1775-1817, English novelist, author of Pride and Prejudice

Kaspar Hauser, c1812-1833, German foundling, portrayed in a film by Werner Herzog

Ludwig II, 1845-1886, King of Bavaria

Ludwig Wittgenstein, 1889-1951, Viennese/English logician and philosopher

Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827, German/Viennese composer

Mark Twain, 1835-1910, US humorist

Michelangelo, 1475 1564 – Italian Renissance artist

Nikola Tesla, 1856-1943, Serbian/American scientist, engineer, inventor of electric motors

Oliver Heaviside, 1850-1925, English physicist

Richard Strauss, 1864-1949, German composer

Seth Engstrom, 1987-Present, Magician and World Champion

Thomas Edison, 1847-1931, US inventor

Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826, US politician

Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890, Dutch painter

Virginia Woolf, 1882-1941, English Writer

Wasily Kandinsky, 1866-1944, Russian/French painter

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, 1756-1791, Austrian composer

Historical people

Alfred Hitchcock, 1899-1980, English/American film director

Andy Kaufman, 1949-1984, US comedian, subject of the film Man on the Moon

Andy Warhol, 1928-1987, US artist.

Charles Schulz, 1922-2000, US cartoonist and creator of Peanuts and Charlie Brown

Glenn Gould, 1932-1982, Canadian pianist

Hans Asperger, 1906-1980, Austrian paediatric doctor after whom Asperger’s Syndrom is named

Howard Hughes, 1905-1976, US billionaire

Isaac Asimov, 1920-1992, Russian/US writer on science and of science fiction, author of Bicentennial Man

Jim Henson, 1936-1990, creator of the Muppets, US puppeteer, writer, producer, director, composer

John Denver, 1943-1997, US musician

L S Lowry, 1887-1976, English painter of “matchstick men”

Contemporary People

Al Gore, 1948-, former US Vice President and presidential candidate

Bill Gates, 1955-, Entrepreneur and philanthropist. A key player in the personal computer revolution.

Bob Dylan, 1941-, US singer-songwriter

Charles Dickinson, 1951, US Writer

Crispin Glover, 1964-, US actor

David Helfgott, 1947-, Australian pianist, subject of the film Shine

Garrison Keillor, 1942-, US writer, humorist and host of Prairie Home Companion

Genie, 1957-?, US “wild child” (see also L’Enfant Sauvage, Victor, )

James Taylor, 1948-, US singer/songwriter

Jamie Hyneman, 1956-, Co-host of Mythbusters

Jeff Greenfield, 1943-, US political analyst/speechwriter, a political wonk

John Motson, 1945-, English sports commentator

John Nash, 1928-, US mathematician (portrayed by Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind, USA 2001)

Joseph Erber, 1985-, young English composer/musician who has Asperger’s Syndrome, subject of a BBC TV documentary

Keith Olbermann, 1959-, US sportscaster

Kevin Mitnick, 1963-, US “hacker”

Michael Palin, 1943-, English comedian and presenter

Oliver Sacks, 1933-, UK/US neurologist, author of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Awakenings

Paul Kostabi 1962-, writer, comedian, artist, producer, technician

Pip Brown “Ladyhawke”, 1979-, New Zealand Singer/Songwriter, Musician

Robin Williams, 1951-, US Actor

Seth Engstrom, 1987-, Magician and World Champion in Sleight of Hand. The best man with a deck of cards that the world has ever seen.

Tony Benn, 1925-, English Labour politician

Cool. And I get to be his mom.

A Musical Picture of Me

Tis the way of things that most folks love music .. hence the vast number of songs and artists there are to enjoy. Such variety from classical and Celtic to Rap and Rock. Why is it that we like the music we do, each of us so unique?

Is it the way we are raised that determines what we love? Life experiences? Just inborn taste? I’m going to try to answer this, using myself as the subject of inquiry. Growing up in Oklahoma, I listened to a lot of Country Music … Got a slight thing for Garth Brooks. But this isn’t favorite artists. It’s songs. What are my favorite songs? Those that speak to me or encapsulates me in some way, maybe they shaped me – let’s find out.

What follows is the musical picture of me … romantic, dark, deep, and Heaven bound. The Gothic Romanticist.  My favorite songs, in no determinant order, include (Each has a YouTube Link – cause I like to share – sometimes):

Where is the Love by The Black Eyed Peas. This is my heart. Life … We are here to love each other. That is our task. I love that the BEP’s bring that message in this song! I don’t care who agrees or disagrees. This message is it!

I Wanna Know What Love Is by Foreigner … As a teenager and young romantic adult looking for that one perfect love, this was an anthem for me … I knew that one existed and I looked for him with a Foreigner fervor. 🙂

Alone Again by Dokken … Power ballads are my goto songs.  This one.  Love this one.

Open Arms by Journey  Heart-wrenchingly beautiful.

Bitch by Meredith Brooks… Self explanatory.  I hesitated in posting this song but I love it. I just do. It’s so me. Not that I’m proud that it’s me … but it’s the kind of song you just sing at the top of your lungs.

I Go Crazy by Paul Davis Just.  Just.  ❤

Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill… I wanna hold you til I die, til we both break down and cry. I wanna hold you til the fear in me subsides.  So romantic.

My Jesus by Todd Agnew… Another that speaks my heart, but more, it speaks my soul. No games. Just Jesus. Amen and amen. This song can be offensive, but the cross is offensive, even foolishness, to those who do not grasp the depth of the love of Christ. So be it. I wanna be like my Jesus.

All My Tears by Julie Miller– this song MUST be played at my funeral.  It must. Why? When I go, don’t cry for me, in my Father’s arms I’ll be. And wounds this world left on my soul will all be healed be healed and I’ll be whole. Sun and moon will be replaced with the light of Jesus’ face. And I will not be ashamed, for my Savior knows my name. It don’t matter where you bury me. I’ll be home and I’ll be free. It don’t matter where I lay. All my tears be washed away.

Gloria by Brave Saint Saturn… The one that grasps my desperation to know Gods love for me when I feel so far away, so unlovable. It’s also my fav to sing in group worship.

Days of Elijah sung by Marines!  This one speaks for itself! Let me in there too, boys! Let’s sing it together! There’s no God like Jehovah! To this song … I cannot stand still.

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. …. Well, because I’m a car singer … Love to belt it in the car … Always have … This is like the ultimate. (Until recently when I learned its original title was ‘Vampires In Love’. Um …. )

Think Twice by Celine Dion… Another belter – but it’s the lyrics of love tearing, threatening to rip apart, and she’s begging him to think twice about leaving. Love that at the end of the video there is a positive resolution.

The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe– My daughter says this song is creepy, but to me, it’s poetry. The idea of laying in the arms of God, safe, protected, like a child with her father …. it’s just beautiful. It’s one I can play over and over when I need comfort.

Where I Belong by Building 429… All I know is I’m not home yet. This is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus. This is not where I belong. True that. All of it. The worship team at a church we attended learned this song because I begged them to. Nothing like singing about Heaven with a group of folks longing for Heaven too!

Oh That Will Be Glory For Me… The last song my Grandmother Hinkle sang to me … Just days before she died at the age of 96. Now, it is the theme of my everyday life. Looking forward to Heaven!

May I Have This Dance by Stephen Hinkle… This is my cousin. So, I love this song because he wrote it, but more than that … because it compares our life with Christ to a dance. A divine romance. It’s beauty. It’s love – the ultimate love.

You Won’t Relent by Kim Walker– A 13 minute worship song that’s a belter to boot? Yes, please!

I Will Arise and Go to Jesus by Julie Miller��… There are many hymns that I love, but this rendition is a favorite. Julie Miller’s folksy��voice touches something deep inside my soul and again, here is another Heaven oriented song. I’m sensing a theme …

I’ll Fly Away by David Crowder… My grandfather loved to lead this song in church.  I remember with clarity his great arms strong in the air keeping time and encouraging the people to worship. One glad morning .., I’ll sing it again with him in glory! But then we’ll be in Heaven with no need to fly away! 😉

Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N Roses… First love song.  Shout out to my first love Mike. Still a favorite song after all these years later.  Your fault. That and Aldo Nova’s Ball & Chain … Stryper’s Honestly.

The Point of No Return – The Phantom of the Opera… Did I ever tell you about the time I went to see TPotO and I skipped out to go to the restroom before intermission and MISSED the chandelier fall? SMH. Regardless, anything from Phantom is my favorite … but this one tops the list.

Les Miserables – a medleyand the ENTIRE performance, the 25th Anniversay Concert… In much the same way, anything from Les Mis is my favorite. I’ve memorized the entire thing. The ENTIRE thing. I love the story, the play, the movie, the book, the everything. I love Colm Wilkinson. I love Hugh Jackman. I want to belt it all.

There are more … Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson, The Robin Hood Prince of Thieves Soundtrack, We Belong by Pat Benetar, Real Good Man by Tim McGraw, and more.

Sheesh.  Think that’s enough.

These Dudes are Killin’ Out There

Sure, he’s a felon.

Yes, he did time – or in my sugar-coated approach – he spent a few years “on vacation.”

He made choices not unlike most any of us, only he got caught. To my way of thinking – most people are capable of anger and ugly.

Another thing I know … In the neighborhood where he “stays” or “stayed”, being in the streets, part of the streets, is normal. Absent fathers, welfare, pot, drug dealing, jail … These are the norm. More than not know this as reality in urban areas specifically. To them, those of us who find these things deviant, are abnormal.  Upside down.

Ms D, I can’t be out on them streets. These dudes are killin’ out there, people dying. I been to so many funerals. I need a job. Summer’s coming and I can’t be out in them streets. I can’t. 

He just wants a job. Any job. In a few weeks, he will have an Associates degree in Business. He’s got a huge heart. He’s a father, a friend, an uncle, a brother, and he just wants to be a good example to the kids in his life. He wants to have a way of life that doesn’t include illegal activity as normal.

He wants to work.

But, he is a felon. He has a record. He’s a potential liability to many.

My heart just breaks – this is why we see so much of what we see on the news. These “thugs” are young men with a desire to belong, so many make mistakes because the normal they are raised with is not the normal of the majority.  With rap music and the statistics that those raised in urban area tend to remain i urban areas, cycles of welfare … Normal is drug dealing, quick bucks, guns. And the news thrives on it all.  Fears grow. And then we have Ferguson. We have Baltimore. We have too much playin’.

He wants to work.  Honest work.  He doesn’t care what it is – he will Learn it and do it well. He has no desire to see the inside of prison walls again. He desires his nephews, nieces, and children to see him change his life so theirs never are sidetracked to begin with. He cried to me … The past won’t let him live.

Why is it so hard to see the value in every human being?

Let Me Display Myself Between The Covers of a Book – I Wrote That

Written on May 15, 2015

Did I seriously write this most amazing quote yesterday evening? Blown away,

Lying here in my bed, I read back through last evenings post, The Hardest Part of Being an Author is …

And I found this:

Oh, let me write and speak less. Let me display myself between the covers of a book and hide therein where you may know me, but not enough.

Amen. And … Wow.

Well, That Was a Bit Forward … Firsts.

Written on May 18, 2015
A first happened this evening. Most firsts are wonderful. First real kiss. First provel cheese pizza. First baby. First ride on a motorcycle. First trip to the Grand Canyon. Not all firsts though … not all are placed in the well-that-was-amazing category. Some of them are tragic. First loss of a friend to death. That’s no good. First failed grade. First flat tire. Lots of firsts in life. Some … leave you wondering, now, where did that fall in the firsts categorical spectrum?
Like this evening.

Now, back up … there’s a back story here. I’ve been an employee of a career college for going on five years, four of those as a general education instructor in the classroom – a whiz at convincing classrooms full of grown men that they do in fact like English as a course subject. 8 months now in the Registrar’s office registrating and such … and I still interact with the students, only from my desk most of the time … where I used to never sit down. Talk about an adjustment. Anywho, one particular older (at least mid-forties if not more) student came to my office aggravated over some transfer credit a couple of months ago.  I listened to him, let him rant, and then shared my own frustrating story.

I too graduated with what I consider an esteem-able education, that I took to a new college and found my previous education dismissed, leaving me to take courses over again which I felt unnecessary and time restricting to my future. Frustrated me, for sure. I shared my story to calm his … much the same scenario, only his transcripts are much more impressive – all military and highly educated in the military. A leader of men, and then coming to our school, his education was questioned … he was slightly angry and blathered on about leaving the school, hang the education. Understandable, but through our conversation, he decided to stay, to give the Associates level classes a go and gain that additional insights into his chosen trade from those qualified educators … since that day, I’ve received kind words and thank you’s from him. I am happy to help. Always. However ….

This evening, as his graduation draws near, he came into my office amid the roomful of other students awaiting their schedules … and he stepped up to the other side of my desk and leaned to tell me something where not everyone could hear – I assumed (be careful doing that). Eager to hear what exciting thing he’d have to say about his education and how grateful he was for our talk (cause naturally that’s what it had to be) I was unprepared for the kiss he laid on my cheek.

Me? Taken aback. Bright red. All men in the room laughing at the audacity and at my distinctly shocked, disbelieving, loud laugh. He straightened, smiled, said something about Miz Lady and left. I think there was a thank you in there.  What in the world. Never. Never has anyone been so brash … but there you have a die-hard military guy just doing what he wants in American style. And well, I now will be a bit wary I have to say. No more “secrets” or “whispers” to avoid other’s ears. Lesson learned.

Presumptuous? Yes. Offensive? No. I appreciate his appreciation … however, that type of behavior is not appropriate in the workplace – many women would jump at any opportunity to cry harassment. That’s just not me (and he’s not a creeper, just appreciative) … so …. Opportunity for teacher to come back out here … gonna have to ‘splain to said student that although I am flattered at his attention, that once is more than enough and finding out if a lady wants to be kissed is the much better idea. To avoid trouble – legal and otherwise.

So, there’s that.

Wow.  Seriously.  I could have fallen over.

Where is the Public Outcry for Perry Cal? – Young Black Man Dead on the Street

What follows are 2 posts written concerning the death of Perry Cal.

Written on May 19, 2015, by an angry, shocked English Teacher

Commentary under news articles … these are full of people who make judgments about things which they have no up close and personal insight.  Here’s the comment that grates in my skin at this moment … “Bullet ridden? Does that mean the bullets rode him to the destination? I know, picky, picky, it’s riddled.”  A man is dead.  And we joke about whether the bullets rode him?

Friday night a former student of mine was shot and killed in North St. Louis, his body just left on the street, and I can only imagine him sitting in a desk in my classroom in the front row, smiling at me when I questioned the odor … Yes, he had a pot issue.  Yes, he was many things … but he also was a talented writer. A beautiful young man who only knew one lifestyle. I talked to him about it. Encouraged him to remove himself from that lifestyle. Told him about other ways to exist. He graduated with his Associates of Occupational Studies as a Medical Assistant. He did it!  And yet … he’s gone now – his name but a mention in a news article on the St. Louis Post Dispatch website.

Perry Cal … you brought a smile to my face in class … and today your story brings tears to my heart. I’m sorry for the loss of you. I’m sorry that your life was ended along a road where you were discarded and thrown away, shot in the back … I’m heartbrokenphoto

Life is life. All people bear the image of God – all are created in his image. We are all important in the scheme of life, not a joke to be harrangued on a comment stream under an article in the news.

Sad.

He was a beautiful boy.

 
Written on May 20, 2015 by an angry English Teacher

3:30 a.m. And I’m awake picturing my former student lying dead and discarded on the ground- his body full of bullets.

I’m angry. Incensed.

Where’s the public outcry over the injustice in his death? He was a beautiful young man with a future who’d received a degree! Yes, he had issues. We all do. So where is Al Sharpton bemoaning the death of this 23-year-old young man on a street in North St Louis?

Oh … It wasn’t a cop shooting. I see. So, then we don’t discuss it … But I’m confused because … Black lives matter, right? Perry Cal was (that is so hard to say … Was). Black. His life mattered! So … Where’s the outcry over the injustice? The brutality of him being shot in cold blood in the back!

The hypocrisy overwhelms me.

I knew Perry. Taught him.  He did not deserve to die shot in the back. He did not deserve to die left alone in the street like he was nothing. He was someone who mattered!

So … I will be his outcry – something must be done! Perry’s life mattered! So … Who is going to change the way of the streets? Who is going to demand the Department of Justice do something to help these young men of the streets who do not know another way to live!

They truly do not know.

I’ve talked with them and am baffled that they are so naive to the ways in which other people live their lives sans that street scene. It’s what they know. We all do what we know and think it normal! Don’t we?

Yesterday another of my former students who’s been involved in shootings came by my office with his infant son in his arms. Some thug.

No! Not a thug! A young father who wants to provide for his children and does so in the only way he knows and by what is normal in the world in which he lives! Does that make it ok?

No. But something’s got to give.  Be honest … There are all shapes, colors, and sizes of criminals, deviance, and criminality … Some just better at getting away with it. Does that make it ok then? And who defines deviance? Just means outside the norm.

Most folks hate what goes outside the norm. It’s uncomfortable. Sweep it under the rug.

Sweep Perry Cal under the rug. Call him a thug, say he got what he deserved … My stomach is sick. Who in the hell are you to sweep my Perry under a rug for living deviant to what you know!

Have you talked to a “thug? Asked him about his dreams? He will stare at you with empty eyes and say just make it to 25.

If we are going to chant Black Lives Matter …. Then we have to focus on the young men who need a chance to live, to have dreams beyond just living to see 25.    Perry Cal made it to 23.  Unfair! His life mattered! If even to just me, his teacher! Oh, he had a great smile. Quiet. Unassuming. It wrecks my heart to think of him shot, “riddled,” as the Post Dispatch news put it, in the back. No!

Enough!

Al Sharpton, where is your voice and presence for Perry Cal?  Where are the protesters? They’re not out because this type of violence is NORMAL to the neighborhood.

We have entire neighborhoods needing guidance – to be shown how to live not just given government assistance which fixes nothing but simply grows the problem!

A discussion must begin because Perry Cal”s life mattered! Along with the countless other young black men whose mothers have laid them to rest far too early. Help. Please. If even just read this and hear my heart for Perry, Pass it on. The inhumanity has to be called out! Seen for what it is! Discussed. Acknowledged. Resolved.

Can it be done overnight? No. But, if even one young man can be saved off the streets then the discussions are worth it!  Civic centers, community programs for sports and Big Brother Big Sister programs …. All of those! So needed.   I’ve heard so many students say they want to open centers for troubled youth in the city …, someone make that happen!

Perry Cal was a beautiful boy.

His death deserves an outcry of injustice! His life mattered!

This teacher’s heart is broken by the image of him lying there alone on the street “riddled” in the back by bullets. Dead. The boy with the confusing name who I always ended up calling Cal Perry instead of Perry Cal and he’d just smile and not correct me. Sweet boy … wish you all could have seen and known his smile.

_________________________________________________________________________________

To light a “candle” for Perry, you can go to this site for victims of gun violence: https://gunmemorial.org/2015/05/14/perry-cal

The Souls of a Woman and a Man Bound Forever Beyond Explanation

Written on June 3, 2015
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw movement on the couch. A tall figure stood and straightened in the semi-darkness; she lost the ability to speak. Fear, immediate in coming, had control of her rationality—she did not reach for the light. She stood still, paralyzed in fright, almost willing an end to the chaos of her spinning life. 
The man walked across the room toward her. Each step sounded with a beat of her heart. She had no means of defending herself. They locked eyes; an eternity passed in mere seconds of time. Eyes adjusted in the dark. Recognition then, disbelief—he opened his arms and she collapsed into his chest, wrapping her arms tight around his torso. Hardened muscles flexed under her cheek. She smelled his skin; no one else smelled like him – hard work, the musk of earthy cologne. Her head swam in the ocean of it, too much time had passed—still she remembered; still, she knew him. He pulled her back just enough that they could look at one other for a moment more, never breaking eye contact. His eyes consumed hers. She trembled, longing to remain pressed against him for eternity.

​A tear rolled down his cheek and she loosened her hand from around him to wipe the tear from his face. The feel of day-old stubble under her fingers thrilled her; her body molded to him—hips touching hips, toes touching toes, her breasts firmly pressed against him. Piercing blue eyes held her tight. She had seen those eyes so many times in her dreams; she moved her hand up to almost touch them, double-checking that they were real. He let her, curving his lips into a smile, while he watched her and a rhythm sounded between them, their bodies playing into the hypnotic melody of warmth and need. They began to sway, foreheads touching. His left hand grasped her hand that lingered on his face. He kissed her fingertips one at a time, from the pinky finger to her thumb and then back again. A sigh escaped her mouth.

​With a tilt of her head, she welcomed his mouth to find her neck, to travel the line of her jaw, to discover her eager open lips. Sweet touches at first, then she gave herself up to him, to her senses—she reveled in the touch of his full kiss, she melted in the intense scent of his nearness, and she surrendered into the deep sound of his voice speaking her name.
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“A Kiss in the Rain” … romance for all ages … intertwining stories of love and loss and joy and fear … meet Adeline and Danielle. Walk with them as they both discover that what seems lost is not always so, that life has a way of pulling itself back around to where it should be, that love does win in the end … that the truest of love connects in the souls of a woman and a man bound forever … beyond explanation.

“A Kiss in the Rain” on Amazon.
Description: First love, lost love . . . Sent away in disgrace, heartbroken, Danielle struggles to make a new life with her young daughter. When she finally returns to her hometown, she must cope with new challenges while contending with childhood memories. Her fear prevents her from reaching out to those she loves, but a bright new world awaits-if only she can find the courage to accept it. A story of love, faith, and friendship, A Kiss in the Rain will touch your heart and your soul . . .

Review from Amazon:

Great book. It was very captivatiting from the beginning! It has many story lines with lots of surprises. I loved it! I can’t wait for the next one!