My Mother is Transitioning

11/12/22 –

Woke up not long ago, and I’m reflecting back on the last few days of this journey with my Momma. I’m grateful for the time with her; I’m grateful to have been by her side as each day brought drastic changes. I’m grateful to have been able to kiss her and sing with and to her, to ease her as she became confused and incapable of getting out of bed. I’m grateful for Clarehouse where she is now as she makes the final transition to Glory. I’m grateful for all of the family and friends who have reached out and/or visited. My sweet Momma touched many people with the love of Christ, and I’m grateful to be her daughter and a direct recipient of lessons of love from her life.

I am grateful for my husband Patrick, who brought me home yesterday to rest. He came home early from working out of town to be by Momma’s side. So many people have come and prayed with and for Momma over the last week, but Patrick … he read Scripture for and to her. Her breathing had been heavy and rapid and noisy yesterday until Patrick read from the Word of God, and Momma calmed. Her breathing slowed, the noises lessened, and she heard him. She heard the Word of God that she knows deep in her soul. My Momma read the Bible daily and meditated on it. It permeated her life! She loves Jesus sweetly, and I rejoice knowing she will be with Him soon! Hallelujah!

Patrick brought me home to rest yesterday; I’m just waking up from nearly 9 hours of sleep. I learned over the last two years time after time to listen to this husband that God placed in my life. He loves the Lord and seeks after wisdom, and he said it was time for me to let Momma rest and to get some rest myself. I kissed my sweet Momma, and I let Patrick and my sister-in-love Veronica bring me home.

No phone call came in the night, and my brother will be here later today. We do not know when Momma’s transition will happen; we know it will be soon. I’m hoping that David will be able to kiss her today before she goes; that would be good. Very good. But what I know that is bigger than all of this and all of us is that Momma longs to be in Heaven! And perhaps, she, meaning her soul, is already there. Yesterday, she was unresponsive but for opening her eyes a few times; I witnessed her body calm as she heard the Word of God. Perhaps her little body whose heart is overworking and worn out is simply there for us to kiss and work through our own struggles and faith inside of our earthly loss. I don’t know how God’s mysteries work, but I trust Him. I know He will receive my Mother – He may already have. And, I am grateful.

11/11/22 –

We have Momma now in a special hospice house. I brought things to bring her smiles. Her wedding ring which has been too big to wear properly, her Bible, the story she wrote about her mother, her blanket, our family picture on a pillow, and special items from home like photos, a teddy bear, a gift from Kadi Ben Lulu , a sweet drawing by Kennedy Inman , a cross from my wonderful mother-in-love Patricia Cunningham . and my dad. #alwaysbringdad

It’s quiet here. Peaceful. They’ve been very nice; most are volunteers. I am grateful we, Momma and us) have somewhere like this to be during these days. She’s sleeping most of the time; she’s not eating. She’s confused much of the time when she is awake. This is hard, but we are together, and I am grateful for this place, for my amazing students and colleagues who are all so gracious in this heartbreaking time, for our family – so full of blood-related and not blood-related chosen folks – that we are blessed beyond measure, for God’s gift of peace that passes understanding in difficult days where we are able to sing “It is Well With my Soul” and mean it. I rejoice for Momma that soon she will dance on the streets that are golden! (a lyric from one of her favorite songs – “We Will Dance” by David Ruiz).

After that moment comes, I sure will miss this precious lady, though she will ever be in my heart.

Oh, Momma, I love you so!

11/10/22 –

We are going to have Momma moved to a hospice house. The hospice nurse was here today to see Momma; the nurse was surprised at Momma’s decline, which has been rapid – and we talked things over. The nurse is going to get mom signed up for a hospice house – it could be now, it could be a week from now before Momma gets in; the nurse wasn’t sure when they’d be able to get her in. All of Momma’s needs will be taken care of there, though, and we can be with her as much as possible. Dad can stay with her too.

These past two days have been hard beyond belief – seeing the decline of my beloved Momma and being here with her and Daddy. My heart is breaking, and I am praying Momma’s transition into the arms of Jesus will be peaceful for her and for us. No pain, just peace. Lord, please.

11/9/22 –

Dad went down to get breakfast in the dining hall.

I’m sitting on the floor in Momma’s room listening to her breathe. It’s dark in here, and I’m full of so many emotions. I have no idea what today holds, but I’m here with her.

Going to love my Momma and pray, too, for God to let her come on home to Him. She wouldn’t want to be like this. She wants to be in Heaven rejoicing!

I’m sitting here listening and thinking. We should all strive to be kind and loving in our lives just like Momma has been. She is the beautiful woman she is and has been because of her love for our Lord; Momma has always understood that our lives here are to be spent for His glory and not our own.

I want to be like that too.
God has us here to love.
I’ve learned that from my Momma.

FINAL THOUGHTS here after reposting my Facebook posts from the last three days … perspective tells me that in times like these, what is most important in life shrinks down to love. How did you love? How do you love? Nothing else matters.

My Momma Taught Me That

Trying to grade papers tonight, but my heart hurts. Concentration is not coming easy to me. My sweet Momma is not well, and we do not know how much time we have with her. We do know that her heart is slowing down. We know that her little 95 lb body, with its COPD and CHF, is worn out. At 79, she has weathered heart problems most of her life, breast cancer twice, diabetes, along with COPD and Congestive Heart Failure. Two years ago, we were told she had maybe a few months to live, and Hospice was suggested to us. We declined and signed up for Home Health care. Then, Momma was better for a time. Well, better for Momma. She has been on oxygen 24/7 for at least two years if not three. Maybe four. The time all rolls together, and it is hard to remember what was when. Occasionally over the last two years, her body retained fluid that made breathing more difficult, and she was admitted to the hospital for week-long stays to reduce the fluids and get her back to breathing “normal” for Momma. Her heart and lungs, both in weakened states, have worked so hard to keep her going, and Momma is not one to slow down.

Rarely in my life do I remember her being still. Perhaps she was ADHD before ADHD existed – she was always moving and grooving. Always busy. Cleaning, sewing, crocheting, crafting, reading, cooking, cleaning again … always on the move. This past two years, though, I’ve seen her slow down, and I have heard her talk about her frustration with her weakened abilities. As time has gone by, I have found myself telling her not to stand on ladders, not to lift things over 10 pounds, to wait for me to get there to hang this or that or reach that down, and I have watched her change from vibrant, smiling Momma to quiet, restless Momma, to now tired, resting Momma.

This past week, Momma was in the hospital again, and the doctors told us that Momma’s main arterial heart valve, which was already bad and irreparable, has slowed to about 25% capacity. My dad said he heard the doctors say 5-6% capacity. Whichever is accurate matters not – either percentage means the same thing. Her heart is not pumping the blood her lungs need to successfully function. Even with her oxygen machine on, her oxygen levels drop when she stands to go get a snack or take a restroom break. Today, the cardiologist said it is time to reconsider Hospice to keep Momma comfortable.

This coming Tuesday, she will see her Primary Care Physician, and he will make the final Hospice determination is my understanding. It feels surreal, though we’ve known for two years that Momma’s heart is not repairable and will continue to weaken until it stops.

I’m not ready for that, though I believe she is. My sweet Momma cannot wait to meet Jesus. She sings songs about Jesus each time I see her. Her favorite song to sing with me is “God Will Make a Way” by Don Moen … she sings, and I join her … “God will make a way where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see; He will make a way for me. He will be my guide; Hold me closely to His side. With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way. He will make a way.” Usually, we forget the lyrics somewhere in the middle, and we both laugh, and she will pat my hand and say, “God will make a way.” He will indeed, my sweet Momma.

With my brother this past weekend, she sang “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” in a quiet moment between mother and son. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.” Amen and Amen. She is ready to meet our Savior, and for that, I am grateful, and I cannot begrudge her that. She looks forward to being in the presence of God, and she will be soon. Ah, Momma. She will get to see her Daddy, her Momma, and her sisters who have gone before her – Dorothy, Doris, and Mary. Her sweet sisters and parents, who she misses so much. Momma told me recently that there is a part of her here with us on earth, but there is a part of her already in Heaven with her family. I know, Momma. I know, I said. But selfishly, I’m struggling. She’s my Momma, and she’s the sweetest lady I know, and she has been a comfort to me for 50 years. What will I do when she is not here with me? Last week, she pulled me in close and said, “I will always be with you in Spirit,” and she looked deep into my eyes, telling me to be at peace.

I’m trying, Momma. I’m trying.

And as I am trying, we will love on each other while we can. We are going to laugh and sing and talk about Heaven. We are going to share memories and love our family. We will continue to be grateful for each day that we have together!

It’s much too late to continue to try to grade papers now this evening, but my mind is more restful after having written these things down. A reminder about gratefulness is always good, and I am grateful. For so many things. Right now, I am grateful for my Momma. I love her so. It makes me consider, too, that this is how each day of my life should be lived … gratefully. Each day is a gift no matter what our circumstances. Each day is an opportunity to show kindness and to love on the people that God places in our paths. Each day is a day to praise the Lord! Each day is an opportunity to grow closer to our Father in Heaven. His mercies are new every morning! Great is His faithfulness! He will make a way ….

My Momma taught me that.


Musing About the Damascus Road

On the road to Damascus, the Lord spoke to Saul and said, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” Saul replied, “Who are you, Lord?” The response came, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.” (Acts 9:1-19). I’ve heard this story about how the man Saul became the Apostle Paul and, in fact, have had it memorized since childhood. However, for the first time in my 50 years, I understood it in a new way this weekend as my husband, Patrick, and I sat on our front porch talking about the goodness of God.

“Why are you persecuting me?” Jesus said to Saul.  

To understand what Jesus asked Saul here is essential. He asked Saul why are you inflicting injury, pain, loss, and/or death on me. Why are you persistently trying to silence me? Why are you harming me? More than just asking, He responded to Saul’s inane question by announcing, “I am Jesus, who you are persecuting.”

Patrick and I discussed this, and we both realized that when we sin, we persecute Christ.

He died for our sins – once and for all – yet, we daily go about our lives as if His sacrifice means nothing. We seek our desires and successes, and we forget what God has done for us in sending Christ to take the burden of sin off of us so that we can be with God eternally in Heaven. Our sin, in essence, inflicts injury on the act of love of Christ the Son and God the Father. We disregard the great act of mercy from the Cross each time we sin. Each time. Like a giant slap in the face. Only worse.

Saul knew who was talking to him; he even said, “Who are you, LORD?” How like Saul I am. I know the Lord, but I disregard Him and His Word to pursue my own desires and wants. Shamefully, this is not abnormal; it is quite normal, and it stops me in my tracks to think of it this way. I acknowledge the Lord no different or better than Saul, ignoring and fighting Him, and I persecute Him when I sin as Saul did because anything that is not of God is against God. Therefore, when I sin, it is against God – and I inflict pain and injury on the Son and his death and resurrection, and I disregard the mercy of God the Father.

“Dacia, Dacia, why do you persecute me?” 

May that never again be a question from the lips of Christ to my ears. Never.

Father, keep me ever mindful of this lesson today. I do not want to persecute You; I do not want to disregard You but hold you first and foremost in my life – seeking you in all things, living this life with the understanding that I am a Child of Your Kingdom, and this earth is not my home. Let all the earth’s desires and whims pass away because Your Kingdom will reign forever. Keep my eyes on You.

“What I mistook for just communication is writing as well.” – English Teacher Win!

When those moments come that remind you why you do what you do, time stands still and, I don’t know about you, but I have a personal party – complete with grape Koolaid, beef jerky, and some chocolate pudding. I’m having one of those personal parties right now as I grade papers.

A student’s summary of the first two weeks of Comp I lectures said this:

Boom! That’s it exactly. Yes, communication and writing are intertwined. I begin classes by asking how many students have smartphones. They all raise their hands. Then, I say, okay – don’t tell me that you can’t read and write. You are communicating through reading and writing all day. Generally, eyes open wide, and they realize they’re caught. Then, with a smile, I tell them the new idea for moving forward is simply tweaking what they’re reading and writing. “We” (not me, but I include myself just for comfort-sake for them) need to steer away from mostly grammatically incorrect memes and TikTok which … well, I’ll just move on. I tell them to be more intentional with what they read. That’s all. Make sure in the hours they spend on their phones each day that they read some news or articles about things that interest them and that they are intentional with writing professional messages on social media. I remind them that anything can be screenshot and saved forever – and can/will haunt them. So … tweaks. Simple awarenesses and new considerations can alter everything about communication skills. You are already writing and reading every day. So … be more intentional. This student got it, and right now, you are attending my personal party. (Alas, I don’t have enough beef jerky or pudding to go around.)

Folks, Grammarly Premium is good, fantastic, life-saving, awesome, stupendous, more betterer than any other, and it’s screaming at me right now for ‘more betterer.’ Sometimes, though, bad grammar is needed to make a point strong! It blows my mind when colleagues don’t point students toward Grammarly. These are college students with busy lives … they do not have time or the brain space to learn grammar rules now when they can improve their communication toolboxes by simply downloading Grammarly and using it across the board for all of their communications, not just English class essays.

Time to wind down my personal party for the morning. I’m pleased, to say the least, that this student HEARD me in the first two weeks of class; he got it. A lightbulb went off for him and guaranteed the work he produces in my class will now be bar raised and on point. Win!

The American Queen is Live!

“The American Queen” is available now on Amazon! This is a story I am proud of and excited to share. It was originally published in 2013, but the publishing company went out of business a short time later – and not because of this story. Wink, wink. In the years since that unexpected loss of publication, my life became tumultuous, and I was unable to put pen to paper, much less resurrect my previous works. Recently, my ability to focus returned, and I discovered that once a book has been published through a publishing house, most other publishers are not interested, so I reworked it and self-published it on KDP – Amazon.

Here is the prologue for the story – which explains how “The American Queen” came to be.

On July 29, 1981, Lady Diana Spencer married Prince Charles at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, and I watched. At nine years old, I had no need for Disney Princesses because I had Princess Diana to look up to and emulate. Her kindness and grace were a model for me as I moved into my teenage years and young adulthood. When she died on August 31, 1997, I stood with a month-old baby girl in my arms and cried over the loss of my Princess. I watched the news, saw the footage, and wrestled with what I heard. Skeptical me always believes nefarious things may be afoot, so a strong part of me desires to believe she’s still alive – despite the crunched car, despite the broken body, despite the witnesses, and the extensive news coverage. Call me a conspiracy theorist; I’m cool with that because my heart cannot believe that my Princess Diana is gone, so I picture her somewhere lying on a beach, living a life of freedom – laughing and loving as she deserved – living as she never could have as part of the royal family.

On January 20, 2009, Barak Obama became the President of the United States. Having always been a news junkie, I watched CNN and FOX throughout his Presidency – always observing his body language and those around him. The non-verbals of politicians and celebrities became a fascination for me, and I studied them – I became most fascinated by Michelle Obama, the First Lady of the United States. It is possible that I was/am way off base with what I’m about to say, but that holds no bearing on the end result of my supposition. It became my firm belief that Michelle Obama was unhappy – for whatever reason – but I surmised that being the First Lady of the United States was a position that came with not only a lack of privacy for the rest of her life but also pressure and danger like most other people on the planet cannot fathom. Her husband was the leader of the free world and either loved or hated the world over. I watched her smiles – in most pictures and video clips, her smiles appear forced. I did not observe movement near her eyes which would indicate true smiles. And I began to toss around thoughts about what it would be like to be the First Lady of the United States … and my consensus after some thought was no, thank you. That’s definitely not for me.

My musings on Princess Diana and Michelle Obama formed a story idea.

Alice Hatcher is the First Lady of the United States, married to the most powerful man in the world. She has everything – or so people believe. She speaks on issues of education and kindness; she wears designer clothes, her husband is powerful, her children have the best education, and people love her. More than love, the people adore her. She and Don make a striking couple, and their faces grace the covers of magazines worldwide. Her life is glamorous, and women everywhere wish to be her or, at least, be her friend. Only, she wishes not to be her. The spotlight is not something she ever wanted. A secret service agent convinces her that her death can be faked, and Alice takes the risk. She wants the freedom to live according to her own desires, do what she wants, live quietly, and be out of the spotlight, never to be on the stage again with flashing lights blinding her as the paparazzi swarm. Once “dead,” Alice discovers freedom is not always what it seems, people are not always who they claim to be, and someone knows she’s alive! She sets off to chase her “freedom” ….

So, You Need to Be Right? Why?

The last year and eight months of my life have been blessed beyond my understanding, and I attribute this to God’s grace and wisdom and His gift of my husband, Patrick. In that time, I have learned much about love – some of which I knew for years deep in my soul had to be possible but never thought I deserved (especially because I was told I didn’t deserve it), thinking it was for other, better people. I want to share what I have learned with you, and you’ll read it if you want to consider how to be peaceful in your relationships.

I don’t care what the situation is; fighting wastes time. There is no ‘but’ to that statement. It is what it is. And it is a choice. Fighting stems from one person not getting their way, not feeling respected, insecure, or embarrassed by their partner. Each of those things is emotion-based. Emotions have choice behind them. We choose to remain in feelings. Whether it be anger, frustration, hate, sadness, or embarrassment. It is a choice to remain in any of them. Each of those things is self-focused – not the other person concerned. Remaining in such a state will keep a relationship in turmoil. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about that.

Argument is an altogether different thing from fighting. In argument, there are no harsh words, no name-calling, and no raised voices –no hateful eyes, no drool, no violence. According to the actual definition, an argument is a back-and-forth exchange of ideas in a calm and courteous manner. It is valuing the other person and listening to their thoughts and opinions without chiming in every two seconds or even every minute while speaking to pronounce one’s thoughts and try to be right or “win.” Argument is listening to understand and seeking the best solutions to issues for all parties involved. It is about giving respect – which can NEVER be demanded. It cannot be questioned. It cannot be expected – not for it to be real.

Respect is something earned. It will never come when demanded. Again, that is what it is. Respect is something earned by the maturity of an individual to decide to treat others in kind, efficient, productive, and challenging ways. Not by tearing them down, calling them names, abusing them in any way, playing victim cards, or controlling them. What those bring about is not respect … those things bring fear, anxiety, and hate … that’s what demanding respect creates. Hate. The exact opposite of respect – not to mention love. 

I listen to people fight and think, “what a waste.” It is. A total waste of time – my soul has always known this. I thought this as a child. I felt it during my young adulthood, and I’ve always felt it in work relationships, friendships, and as a mother of fighting children. During a fight, no one truly listens – each person prepares their next diatribe or escape – fight or flight – be louder, be angrier, be violent, get that person’s attention no matter what – WHICH DOES NOT WORK in the way a fighter wants. WIN! No. There are no winners – this is not Boxing or MMA. This is your life. This is your home at stake. Productivity and health do not come from in-fighting in marriages or relationships. I never found value in fighting (the opposite of true argument). It is a waste of time and energy. And … it’s a choice.

Regularly I tell my students that I want them to get the application of this deep in their souls earlier in life than I did. My ENFJ personalitied self wants all people to get this – fighting wastes time, and it is by choice.

You decide how you want to live and how you want to be in relationships. You are responsible for YOU before God in Heaven. Only You. How do YOU treat others? That’s what matters. The world would have you believe you have a right to complain about how others treat you, to get your feathers ruffled because this person upset you or hurt you, that you can feel justified in your anger at another person because they did you wrong somehow. Really. That’s not a question. That’s me saying … really, no. You are responsible for your own damn self, so watch out for pointing your finger at others because those three pointing back at you should remind you that you’re allowing yourself to feel anger built on something inside you. The question is why. What is at the root of that anger? Where is it coming from inside of you? This imperative question is where AA principles come into play. 

We have basic instincts/needs as humans. These include Self-Esteem, Personal Relations, Security, and Ambition. When these are threatened in any way, resentments are born in us. When we hold resentment regarding any event or person, before jumping into a “right” to destroy said person or event, we must question which of these basic human instincts has been ‘affronted’ in us/you, and in that affront, what is your responsibility? Have you been self-seeking, dishonest, fearful? From there, if you hold even a variant of responsibility (which we usually do), ask yourself what the exact nature of your response/responsibility is using the seven deadly sins as a guide: envy, gluttony, greed or avarice, lust, pride, sloth, and wrath. What is happening inside of YOU that needs to be dealt with before you can point fingers at others? AA is about personal responsibility, and that is everything. Your responsibilities. Your choices. How you handle your instincts and the affronts to your instincts. When we don’t look inside ourselves and root out the WHY of our aggressions and the reasons we fight, we will continue to put ourselves before others and be angry.

There is no room for resentment or selfishness (which is a response in direct correlation to resentment born from instincts being attacked/hurt) in marriage. None. There is no room for selfishness in a healthy relationship – that applies to siblings, friends, coworkers, parents, and marriage. The same principles apply across the board. Whenever I talk about these things with anyone, especially in my classes where we discuss communication skills and arguments… it always comes down to one central idea. Love your neighbor as yourself. Treat others the way you want to be treated. To be able to practice these things, taking a deep hard look into your resentments is an important consideration. Understand yourself and why you react and respond the way you do so that you can be better with who YOU are. You have to be good with YOU so you can even begin to be effective in relationships with others. THEN, love your neighbor as yourself and treat others as you want to be treated come into play. Both of those are choices, and they are truly the same idea. Be kind and respectful – to everyone – even yourself.

Before those, though, for true peace and happiness in any relationship comes ‘Love the Lord your God will all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength’ Want to know how to have peace in your marriage and relationships? Get to know God on an intimate level. Read His word. Talk to Him. Meditate.

Romans 12:9-18 comes to mind as an excellent passage to meditate on.

“9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Patrick always says, at the end of the day, ask yourself if you’re comfortable in your own skin – are you good with who you are? I like that, but I want to add this thought … at the end of your life, when you stand before God, you are responsible for yourself alone. Your choices. Your responses. How you CHOSE to live your life. This life will not be long. It passes fast. Our time here is to be spent in good, productive ways, spreading love to people who need love, everyone you encounter. Especially your spouse and close relationships. Why would you waste time?

My husband Patrick and I choose to keep God first in our lives. We both strive to treat one another appropriately – knowing this … Patrick is a child of God, and I am a child of God. Neither of us has the right to tear down, hurt, or denigrate in any way a child of God – i.e., each other. We understand this, and we choose to be devoted to one another. We do not fight. We discuss. We choose peace. Our home is peaceful. That’s not to say that potential divisive things do not arise because they do.

But we VALUE each other more than either of us needs to be “right.”

Maybe you’ve heard me, and maybe you haven’t. Maybe my inclusion of God into the equation puts you off. Sorry, not sorry. He is the answer to all of this – that’s basic. If you are resistant to the addition of God in the equation, all I can do is share my insights and experience based on wisdom, research, teaching ‘argument skills’ to thousands of students, my life’s roller-coaster path, and the goodness of God through it all. If you want to get along with people, learn how to participate in a true argument. This action requires knowing and respecting yourself and your audience before engaging with your audience. It is never about demanding that others respect you or agree with you. Never. You may get a ‘modicum’ of what you’re after because it comes to you based on fear, anxiety, or hate, but it won’t be real. Not true respect. That audience will fight you – even if it is silent and unnoticed by you – hate will grow. And then … BOOM!

It’s all a choice, so be the best version of yourself that you can be.

To tag this at the end, some people are incapable of this critical thinking process. Being in a relationship with them will remain toxic for you and your children if you have them. Here, again, lies another choice. If this is your situation, help does exist. I found a Bible-believing therapist who taught me how to establish boundaries and how to value myself as a Child of God. I took steps to learn healthy means of communication – I made big changes in my life, and now, I am at peace. I chose to walk away from toxicity. I reference Romans 12:18 again, “ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” If it is possible. It is not always possible with some people. You have a choice.

The Devil’s Promenade

This afternoon I found myself seated among other English professors, student writers and artists, and other staff and faculty from Tulsa Community College. We collected together in an auditorium space for the Tulsa Review Launch Party – TCC’s online Literary Magazine/Journal. Student readers and a colleague of mine read selections from this year’s edition located at http://www.tulsaccreview.com. The majority of the read-aloud pieces were all student submissions to the journal, and it was a thrill to hear their works read out loud and see the visual arts submissions flashing across a screen above where the readings took place.

One young lady sat next to me – and with pride, she pointed to her painting when it was displayed on the screen. It was lovely, and I asked her if it were a self-portrait. She said that she’d seen the photo and wanted to duplicate it as a painting because she’d found it so lovely. This is her piece which is in this years’ Tulsa Review edition:

Chidera Nwachukwu | Lady with a White Scarf
(The woman/student I sat next to)

As I sat there listening once the “party” started – and the introductions were made by my colleague Josh Parish, also an English Professor at TCC, I realized that I had accomplished something big here! Yes, there were student submissions, but the Tulsa Review also accepts and publishes general submissions worldwide. This year, I anonymously submitted – I’d thought about submitting a piece the two previous years, but I second-guessed myself and did not do it. Why? It’s been a “minute” since I submitted a written piece and was published by a magazine or an anthology – the past few years of my life stunted me and kept me from creativity. No longer! My piece, “The Devil’s Promenade,” was chosen for publication by the review board of TCC student editors. How exciting! I am excited and honored to have been chosen – and I’m planning what I might submit for the next edition! For now, though …

“The Devil’s Promenade” is a ghost story mash-up of Joplin Spooklight legends and my own experience visiting Spooklight Road in Seneca, Missouri, with my cousin and two of our friends. After reading the legends surrounding the Spooklight, I had to write a ghost story. Had to. This is one of my favorite pieces that I’ve written – and I’m excited to point you to it.

The visual art accompanying my short story is by a TCC student – James/Jaime Cunningham. Not related that I know of … and neither are our works; they are not connected beyond being linked together in the lit magazine. James’ picture is made of small pieces of paper collected to form the larger “painting” of Cain’s Ballroom. Lovely.

I hope you enjoy “The Devil’s Promenade.”

The Devil’s Promenade

Author Conversations Collection!

It occurred to me a few weeks ago that my novel writing course could benefit from insights other than my own and the assigned textbooks – which are “On Writing” by Stephen King, “Structuring Your Novel” by K.M. Weiland, and “No Plot No Problem” by Chris Baty. We have reached the point in the semester where my voice is no longer the new professor’s voice but more akin to the nagging mom who gets half-listened to … I say this tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, I know it’s true. They get comfortable, and life distracts them from focusing on the course when things become routine. Now, I’m not much for routine, and I was thinking – how do I keep this class moving and spice it up, make it enticing and challenging both … tap your resources, came the reply inside my head.

My thoughts turned to my colleagues and author friends in St. Louis, and I got excited. I reached out to several and scheduled a couple of author interviews, which I am calling “author conversations” because once talk of writing begins between writers, the ‘interviews’ become fluid, unstructured, and wonderful. I have three more St. Louis-based author interviews in the works, but I also decided to see who I could drum up in Tulsa – and I reached out to the Tulsa Nightwriters writing group. The response has been incredible! Thus far, I have collected 7 “author conversations” and have 2 more scheduled to be posted to my Novel Writing course shell and Youtube. There looks to be a total of 10 of these author conversations collected by the end of the semester! How exciting!

Author conversations posted to Youtube thus far include:

Each of these conversations is informative and entertaining. Topics cover a broad range of writing topics from the writing process to publishing ins and outs. Lots of talk about editing and character development, writing groups, and the necessity of critique. Some are Pantsers, and some are Plotters. And all love the craft of writing – all have passion for their stories and for their readers … It is about influencing and engaging the reader and fulfilling a driving need that we, as writers, have to create.

We invite you to give each author’s conversation a listen – there are nuggets of advice for every writer at all stages of writing. I cannot just keep these for my students – writing is for everyone!

I Collided With a Pyramid

It was there – and I did not see it – I walked straight into the side of it – blinded by kicked-up dust explained as glitter and butterflies.  I like glitter and butterflies, so I had ventured into their midst.  As I write this, I’m shaking my head at myself – rolling my eyes that this English teacher of argument skills did not see the spiel for what it was – the sparkling conversation, the fluttering, crafted language, the intentional manipulation of an audience – which was me.  I smacked into the thing made of mud and money guised as an oasis – and I reeled in the dust of words. There was no glitter. There were no butterflies. It was dirt – and something was wrong, though it was not clear what it was until the particles settled from the encounter, and then, I saw the Pyramid in front of me.

At this recognition, I considered the situation.  I asked questions.  I looked inside of myself at what bothered me regarding the encounter and the dust.  I researched and sought wise advice.  After some days of deliberation, I sat and wrote the following letter to the individuals who sought to recruit me into their business.  Their names have been changed, though the company’s name has not.

Jack and Jill,

While I am grateful for the opportunity that you have enthusiastically proposed, I do not believe this is a journey for me, and we know it is not a journey for my husband, nor will I present it to my family and friends. 

As Jill presented it to me, it was a viable option to supplement income by selling a product – meaning life insurance. That is how I understood the opportunity – as a part-time gig that I could work at my own pace – and sell a product that is helpful. Share with people as a natural outflow of my own enjoyment of the product/s. I have been a client of the company myself for a year and a half, and I have been contented with the policies I pay for monthly. Everything seemed legit to me. I get my insurance license, and I share the product with others.

As Jack presented the business, it became clear to me that the focus is on wealth and recruitment in the guise of ‘helping’ people. I am turned off by this – I was turned off by the trainer’s speech as well – I am turned off by anyone proclaiming to be a minster of the Gospel who also touts a $400,000 car and multiple homes with pride on a recruitment video. I am turned off by the Tuesday, Friday, Sunday evening trainings during, what is for us, valuable family time with our extended family. The push to achieve the world’s definition of success – being wealthy, especially in 30 days, does not align with my values. I do not expect this to be understood, and that is fine. I do not need to be understood. Though, I will say this:

There are bigger things at play in the world than achieving earthly success.  Evil roams this earth – and the spiritual battle that rages around us is for our souls.  One of the devil’s greatest tools is an obsession with wealth – and this is not something that is of value to Patrick or to me.  We believe that God sent His one and only Son into this world to save this world from eternal death and destruction brought on by the devil who hates God and seeks to draw as many people from the Heavenly Father as possible before the Second Coming of Christ.  We believe that Jesus died so that we could have eternal life in Heaven with the Father.  He died to forgive sin – for those who choose to take up their crosses and follow Him. 

It occurred to me – after speaking with Jack – that if I am to be promoting anything with this enthusiasm that you have for your business, it should be and will be FAITH in JESUS CHRIST as my SAVIOR – who seeks to be the Savior of this fallen world that seeks earthly gain and does not understand that believers are to store up for themselves treasures in Heaven, not on this earth. Jesus calls His followers to lives of obedience and to be in service according to their gifts given by Him.

My husband and I discussed this at length.  We know what our gifts are.  We know where our talents lie.  We know what it is that God has for us to do in our lives – and we will stay focused in those areas.  We see the world around us through our understanding of the Scripture we read – the Word of God – as He reveals it to us.  Because of our beliefs and our values, we chose to delete our Facebook accounts and step back from our social media presence.  Jack stated to me that I would need to get that back to do the business.  That is something I will not do.  I will not compromise my values to make money, nor will I ‘defend’ myself in this matter to anyone who does not understand. This is my conviction. This is my husband’s conviction. Based upon a study of God’s Word and our understanding of His Will for our lives. 

No amount of seeking after money will ever satisfy the need for ‘more’ that is in the hearts and minds of people on this planet.  No seeking after ‘security’ will ever accomplish that task as well.  It is only Jesus Christ who satisfies the need for ‘more’ that exists in the souls of mankind.  It is what it is.

During my talk with Jill on the 14th, I made a monetary commitment to something that I see now that I did not have the full picture on – I had felt assured it was not going to be a ‘recruit, recruit, recruit’ business. I believed it was becoming an actual insurance agent and training customers to better manage their finances – WITHOUT pushing them to join the business as recruits. While Jack talked to me, however, I learned that there are multiple products that The company “sells” but I have no idea what those are – only 2, maybe 3, were even mentioned in the Orientation. All the Orientation was about was recruitment to join the company and about how much money recruits can make and how that earthly wealth exponentially grows. After Orientation was over, I sat back and realized I had no idea what customers even had to do with the business. Turn them all into recruits was the message – and I cannot and will not be on board with that. It should be a person’s choice, not something they are coerced into. I feel coerced, even though my conversations with Jill were natural – now, though, I have an understanding about the spiel for the company, and I wonder about the natural flow of those conversations. My conversation with Jack was not natural. It was the spiel – and I’m not good with that. At all. The feeling of unease I experienced plagued me through the week, and my husband and I spoke about it at length, and I realize that it bothered me because the business does not align with my values, my convictions, my beliefs. If I am going to promote anything in a purposed fashion … it will be this: Jesus loves you. He does not want anyone to spend an eternity apart from God. Nothing on this earth matters in comparison. Nothing.

This is where the letter ends.

But not my thoughts. See, with His many lessons, parables, and commandments, Jesus’ words are unlike any word spoken by businessmen.  They are full of the opposite of self-seeking. For instance, John 3:16’s “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” and Matthew 22:37-40’s “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments,” show that Jesus spoke of putting God first, understanding the sacrifice of Christ, and living a life of love and service, putting the needs of others above your own.  Jesus’ words were unpopular with the Pharisees, the Sadducees, and the political elite because it took their power and removed money from their pockets when people listened to the teachings of Christ. Jesus said these words regarding wealth and seeking wealth in Matthew 6: 19-34:

Treasures in Heaven

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,[c] your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy,[d] your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I do not believe I need to explain any of that further – other than to say that these words fly in the direct face of the Pyramid and its builders.  There is nothing wrong with helping people – as a matter of fact, that is just and right, but it is the pursuit of wealth in the guise of helping people where the pyramid’s schemes can no longer be reconciled …. James 1:27 states, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” It’s that polluted by the world part that gets us … Not today. Not in this home. No fancy cars or houses are wanted or needed. No big bank account is required. No trips around the world. No rah-rah sessions. No striving after men’s approval. No rank necessary. Just Jesus. Just Jesus and His Word.

I collided with a Pyramid, and I stepped back, shook my head, and found clarity. It is for me to seek the Kingdom of God in all things; He will supply all my needs.

Thank you, Father, for lessons. Thank you for clarity. Thank you for mercy and grace and forgiveness and for providing for even the birds of the air. As I pursue you, Father, I know you will provide for my needs. Thank you for your peace that passes understanding and thank you for a husband who follows YOU in all things and leads our home with Scripture and with wisdom. Amen.

The Devil Hates God – And He Hates You

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance:

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst.

But for that very reason, I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.

Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

I Timothy 1:15-17

As the apostle Paul stated, so I say, I am the worst of sinners. Paul was a man of violence who persecuted Christians. He was a murderer. Then, the mercy of Christ took hold of Him – and he was forever changed. I grew up in the church, went to Bible college, was an excellent church girl – I married and raised 6 children “in the church.” I was judgmental, legalistic, pride-filled, and self-focused. My life was full of lies and fear. I believed God did not love me. I was told I was unworthy and unloveable on earth, so I walked in that falsehood – I became an adultress, an alcoholic, a cheater, a liar, a woman lost in fear and self-hate on a path of destruction – despite a head full of Scripture – my heart believed the lies of the devil – and I was suicidal.

Then, came my Damascus Road moment (Acts 9). The woman caught in adultery moment (John 8). Despite my sin, the mercy of Christ saved me. I’d read those stories multiple times in my life, but never, until I was in the depths of sin and despair, did I learn to cling to the Cross – did I look up from my filth and see Jesus holding out his loving hand to rescue me. He told me I am worthy. He told me that I am His – and I am to dedicate my life to sharing His love with others.

I thought I had been doing that years before, but it was laced with law and religion’s rules. It was not a life walking in understood mercy and grace.

Now, I see differently. God is Good. He is the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the ONLY GOD.

His will is that ALL will come to a saving knowledge of Him.

The devil does not want this – the devil wants all of us to die in sin because then he feels a sense of victory in his anger toward God. He hates God – and therefore he hates mankind. The devil knows the Scripture forward and backward. Make no mistake. But just as it didn’t sink into my heart because I allowed the devil’s lies to overtake me – the devil himself is overcome with hatred – and it will keep eternally separate from God!

Thank God I was jolted out of that existence! Thank you, Lord!

God loves mankind, and in that great love, He gives mankind the choice to love Him. It is not true love if it is forced … so the devil does his best to kill and destroy. He does not care at all about any one person – he just wants each person removed from the grace of God.

This is a spiritual war. There is a battle for souls playing out in this world – and the devil is on the prowl … he lies, he deceives, he stirs fear and selfishness. He pushes greed and self-preservation. He does not want any person to recognize their need for God. (Ephesians 6:12)

Yet, God has placed a desire for His truth inside each heart. Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us that God has placed eternity in the heart of every human – a longing for truth. He is patient. He is gracious … but He is also just.

The day will come when He will send Jesus again – and at that great day, there will be judgement upon those who chose to wallow with the devil and seek after the pleasures of this earth.

BUT … For those who choose His mercy and walk new every day in His love – realizing that this earth is not our home, we are heaven’s citizens! We are to be prepared and understand this is spiritual battle! For those … there is eternal life with God! Ephesians 6:10-20 full says:

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Amen. Amen. Fearlessly make known the mystery of the Gospel – the Good News of Christ!

Jesus is Alive! He is returning one day – and all of the troubles of this earth will pass away! The devil will get his due – and all who chose to follow him will as well.

Before then, if you are wallowing in the devil’s grasp, know that GOD IS GOOD – and HE LOVES YOU – and HE WANTS YOU TO COME TO KNOW HIM. John 3:16 is a great place to start to get to know our Heavenly Father. Pick up a Bible. Find that place – and begin to get to know Him.