Scolded By My Son – and I’m Grateful.

Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go”.

This morning’s blog post; I want to share with you.

Yesterday, my 19-year-old son, Klayton, spoke truth to me, and I am humbled that God speaks to us through the means He chooses.

Klayton and I talked about many things, from philosophy to my thinning hair, and I told him how sad I am that it has become so thin since surgery, and that I can no longer take the medications that had been thickening it before surgery. We talked about how stress can be a cause of thinning hair, and I shared the level of stress and anxiety I’ve been in since Labor Day, when Patrick’s health took a sharp decline, and the peritonsillar abscess started. 6 ER visits. Multiple doctors’ appointments. Talk of Sepsis. Doctors refusing to do a tonsillectomy because they surmised it would kill him (he’s 62 and a smoker), but also making us aware that antibiotics would stop working at some point. It felt hopeless. We are now 10 days past the tonsillectomy, which a second opinion doctor assured us would not be a problem, and Patrick is still in pain, though it is lessening. Some days are better than others, but he is healing, and I feel on pins and needles. Have felt on pins and needles just waiting for the bottom to fall out for months now. In this past year, I’ve taken him to the ER (3 times calling an ambulance) 9 times. 6 since September 4^th. Klayton listened, and then, he said (and I’m paraphrasing), he didn’t want to come across as scolding me, but he said that anxiety is fear-based. And fear is a lack of trust in God. I’m trying to fix everything myself and not resting in God’s provision. Fear. Anxiety. Bad health. These things come from not trusting God and living in the knowledge that HE will provide for me, for us, come what may. Wow. Just wow. Wisdom from my son. I did not feel scolded; I felt seen. Seen and called out truthfully and lovingly.

Later in the night, close to midnight, Patrick asked Joey and me to come to the table, and he handed Joey the “Jesus Calling” book. Joey opened it to December 10^th, and he read out loud, “Make ME (God) the focal point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady, and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me.

“Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My Presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My Face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them PURE JOY. Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in Heaven.”

The book goes on to share Isaiah 41:10 – “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Psalm 139:10 – “Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”

James 1:2 – “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.”

We sat and discussed what the passage meant and how we can apply it to our lives, and as I sat there, I kept hearing Klayton’s words in my head, and I found myself grateful to God for His message to me throughout the evening. I even made a little “hmmm” noise as it dawned on me that was precisely what was happening – through Klayton and through the “Jesus Calling” book.

The night’s message did not stop there. Patrick followed me back to our bedroom when I went to bed, then sat in a chair and asked me to sit in the one opposite him. He said, “If you go to bed with something on your mind, it will still be there in the morning. Get it out. What’s going on?”

I ugly cried.

Shared how scared I’ve been, how high my anxiety has been, and we discussed the necessity of reliance upon God in our lives. We are here to be HIS vessels – to show Him to the world, despite our circumstances. Come What May. That JOY comes not from things going the way we want them to, but rather it comes in resting in the knowledge that I belong to God and that HE will use me for His kingdom if I get myself and my need to “control” out of His way. If I continue to try to control things, He will allow me to make a mess of myself and my life, but if I rest in Him, if I trust that He has my problems, and that my task is just to be about my day – looking for opportunities to be of service to others and to be His light in this dark world – He will take care of the hard things.

I’m humbled this morning, and I’m grateful.

Grateful that God can speak to me through my son, through words in a book, through my husband – all saying the same thing. Trust God, Dacia. His ways are not my ways. His ways are not our ways.

So today, my focus will be on serving others as I can, and doing so with a smile, knowing that all else is outside my pay grade. I will also be grateful for the good things in my life. I will focus on gratitude and service. This is the crux of God’s gift of Joy and a life in AA.

I’m grateful for:

The fact that my 6 bio children know God, some closer than others, but that He is and has been a part of their lives.
That my bio children love each other.
That God has given me non-bio kids to love and cherish as well.
That God put a man in my life who would love me still if I looked like a potato and had no hair.
Worship music that keeps me grounded; I need to listen to it more often.
God’s word, which I make a point to read each morning. Some mornings with more attention than others, but making it a consistency in my life.
Lifelong friends who are more like sisters – who are part of my very being.
Knowing that my sweet momma would be so happy that Patrick and I have Daddy living here in our home with us. Making her proud always filled my heart.
Knowing that God loves me despite me.
Today, I get to make “Grandma Snare’s Sugar Cookies” for my kids and for whoever else God leads me to give cookies to – and each cookie will be made with love.

I’m sharing this because I love you; I’m grateful for you, and I do not want you to spend your life fighting to control all of your circumstances yourself. I want to remind you, as I needed reminded, that if we keep our focus in the right place, and that is being God’s vessel, His hands, His feet, His love, His directness, His light in this dark world, that HE will take care of the rest and give us JOY. Joy that is far beyond happiness, which is fleeting. Joy is a state of being. It is peace knowing that God’s will is higher than all else, and if we remain in His plan for our lives, we will know that Peace That Passes Understanding. Amen.

Finding God or Something to Believe In, a Higher Power, is Hard for You? I Have a Few Questions.

How do you know right from wrong?

My conscience.

Did you make it?

No.

Can you take it out and show it to me?

No.

Has it ever told you to do something wrong?

No.

Does it ever leave you?

No.

How long have you had it?

Always.

So, you have something inside you that you didn’t make, something you can’t take out and show to me, something that tells you right from wrong, something that has never told you to do a single thing wrong, something that never leaves you and has always been with you.

Hmmmm.

Is it possible that could be ‘God’?

Speaking directly to you.

Always there.

Always inside you.

Always telling you right from wrong.

Waiting for you to acknowledge Him.

Inside you. Waiting.

Start there with faith.

I Braced For What Didn’t Come

Written in January 2024.

A couple of months ago, I signed our company up for a marketing service – and I’ll keep the names out of this post to ‘protect the innocent’ – namely myself-ish. I thought I understood how it, the marketing service, worked, and things seemed to be rolling along okay with it … we got a few calls and a couple of jobs. I thought nothing more of it and just went on with my days as usual. Then, yesterday morning, a bill hit our credit card for $570. Capital One notified me – they sent a potential fraud alert notice, and I panicked. My heart dropped out of me … that’s putting it lightly. Old emotions, reactions, and thoughts rushed back, and I froze – incapacitated by the idea of my husband finding out about the exorbitant charge, about my stupidity in allowing the situation to unfold in the first place, and I racked my brain as to why the marketing company was charging so much – I had no answers before the questions were asked, and triggered by the past, I wanted to curl up inside myself, suck my thumb, and just die. In my previous life, a situation like this precipitated an all-out war. Yelling, name-calling, potential escalation to breaking things, and bruises – and many tears on my part. Explanations. Excuses. Frantic bouts of trying to ‘fix’ things. Hating myself because I was exactly what I was called – a crybaby, weak, stupid, a fuck-up. I braced for impact, and I told Patrick, my husband, about the charge of $570 on the credit card, that we’d been notified about potential fraud, and that the charge was from the marketing company. My mind raged in its own battle – half of it allowing old situations to cloud any rational thought I endeavored to hold on to – as I waited for his response. Potential scenarios unfolded while rational thoughts said, ‘Stop it, Dacia.’

He heard me. His face bore no frustration. No anger. He simply asked me to explain it again, and then, he called Capital One and got the charge suspended. Then, he talked me through what I had signed up for and what I hadn’t. My freaked-out brain couldn’t fully recall how it had all gone down when I signed up for the service, so he read the terms and conditions himself. Then, he calmly had me cancel the service, and then, keeping me sitting there next to him, he called the company and let them know what he thought of their ‘marketing’ a product that didn’t warrant the cost when it certainly did not produce promised results. He noticed me shaking and squirming while he was on the phone, and he whispered to me, “It’s okay.”

Once off the phone, he said, “Well, that’s taken care of.” With a smile, he asked if he should yell at me then, and then, he came up with ‘punishments’ for me … which involve kissing and husband and wife stuff. He wrapped me up in a hug and told me he loves me. There was no yelling. No hammer dropped. I had braced for what did not come, and on the side of the event, I am reminded of how much and why I love this man and why I am so grateful to God for Him.

I Tried to Control My Own Life, But It’s Not Mine to Control

Open heart surgery is in my near future. Yesterday, I found this out, and I have spent the last 24 hours in contemplation. My mitral valve is “severely leaking.” Those are the words used by the doctor. I’ve known since the eighth grade that I have Mitral Valve Prolapse, meaning that my mitral valve doesn’t function “normally” – it is supposed to control the flow of blood into the heart, and mine has always done its own thing. Beat to its own drum, if you will. Over the last few years, my mitral valve “disease” has progressively worsened to this point where the doctors have said it needs either repaired or replaced – as this is early-stage heart failure. They won’t know which of those, repair or replace, will be done until they get into my heart. So … I sit with this knowledge now, waiting for the pre-surgical procedures to be scheduled, and as I said, I have spent the last 24 hours in contemplation.

In those hours, I had a bear hug from my bonus son, who would not allow me to cook dinner last night but sweetly made macaroni and cheese with chicken for us. My husband Patrick and I surrounded ourselves with our physical family and our chosen family. I reached out to friends who I know would, after the fact, have found out that I had open heart surgery. and wanted to know why they weren’t informed ahead of time so that they could be in agreement and prayer with us as we step through this. This was humbling for me as I realized how many people fell into that category – and my gratefulness cup is overflowing this morning.

I called each of my six children and spoke to them individually – explaining the situation and expressing my love and gratefulness to be the birth giver of each one.

To my oldest daughter, I ended up inadvertently, in true me style, saying something that drew a strong reaction of “Mom!” from her, and I’ve thought it over a lot since the words rolled out of my mouth – somewhat in jest. To Kennedy, I said, “I’m not scared. They’ll put an IV in my arm, and I’ll go to sleep. I’ll either wake up in recovery with healing to do, or I’ll wake up with Jesus!”

“Moooooooommmmm!”

Can’t you hear that reaction? I’ll never forget it.

But do you know what? I meant it. I will either wake up with healing to do, or I’ll wake up in Heaven with my Savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of the Most High God, the Creator of All who loves me more than I can understand – who loves each one of us more than we have the capacity to grasp! This is what I believe. To my core.

There are people in my life who don’t believe that Jesus is the Son of God. There are people in my life who choose not to believe in God Most High. To each of you, I say … test it. Test the idea of Him. Test Him. With an open mind, actually, pick up a Bible and read it. Do not read it with pre-set bias. Forget what you thought you knew or the people in churches who hurt you. Keep in mind that with biases and a closed mind, you encounter no growth. That’s a fact. If you choose not to set aside preconceived notions, then you choose a closed mindset – and with that, there is no opportunity, on a personal level, to encounter new information, potential growth, and self-awareness.

This is how I teach my Comp II students – encounter information with an open mind. Yes, hold your own viewpoints, but be open to possibilities. See what you experience! Test it for yourself – on a personal level. An individual level. No one needs to know you’re doing this. It is for you. Your own curiosity. Your own future. … I mean, hey, can you truly stand on your own belief until you can encounter opposing information and justly, with research, refute it? No, we cannot. So … choose to encounter new ideas. Or don’t. That’s your call. But me? I have read the Bible, and I have lived my life on my own terms, ignoring what the Bible says.

I have lived as a good church girl – raised to not drink or smoke, to not cuss, to not fight, to not question authority, to not be open about my sin struggles – especially at church, to not dance or play cards, to not have sex before marriage, to be a good girl – and I was the best “good” girl; I became judge and jury of anyone I felt didn’t meet standards I believed were “Godly.” I even went to Bible college, got a degree, and married a Bible College professor’s son, with whom I had 6 amazing children; I faithfully took them to church, making sure we all looked our best – all while never being truthful about the hardships or pain of my life whether they were of my own making or someone else’s.

See me? I’m a “good” girl – the best.

Yet, I tried to control my own life – not understanding the true freedom that Christ came to provide – I chose to live by rules taught to me in churches. I lived consumed by law and by fear. Long story short, in the midst of unforeseen life circumstances, I stopped going to church. I turned to alcohol to be my savior. I became an alcoholic. I became a workaholic. I became an adulteress. I left my family because of my sick mind and soul. Found myself in two psych wards – suicidal. I thought everyone was better off without me – I was told I was unlovable and that no one would want me, and I believed those words. I jumped on any motorcycle. I flirted too much. I drank too much – alone, blacking out most nights, isolated and sick. I set about finding a ‘hero’ on dating sights to save me from all of the pain. I lived in misery – abject misery trying to ‘control’ my own world and always on an invisible suicide mission – and I failed life in a heartbreaking, heart-wrenching way. Only when I was so broken, with no strength left of my own to even try to manage my own life, that the only place to look was up and cry out to God for His help did I begin to truly encounter Him!

I discovered what it was to be the woman in John 8, where Jesus tells those wanting to stone her that the one without sin can cast the first stone. Those standing in condemnation left. Then, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” ¹¹“No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” – John 8:1-11. She got up, full of gratefulness, a recipient of the greatest grace and mercy! On my right forearm, now tattooed on my flesh, are the words “By Grace.” A daily reminder that I am saved by Grace! God’s grace! Just as that woman and innumerable others who have found themselves in an utter lack of control, living in abject misery, unable to manage their own lives, and believing that only a power greater than ourselves could restore sanity.

In my life, and because of the ridiculousness of my own devastating behaviors and actions, I have discovered that God is REAL as I have encountered Him outside of the rules I was raised with and according to a whole new mindset—one of grace, forgiveness, and self-discipline, where true freedom exists. I have tasted His love, His mercy, His forgiveness, and His peace.

I believe that He exists, and I believe that Jesus is the Son of God. He did come to earth, live as a man, and die a beyond-painful and humiliating death on the cross at the hands of the very people He came to save – who, to this day, still reject Him. He rose from the dead and is now preparing Heaven for all of us, no matter our background or nationality, who choose to believe in His name and that He is the only way to the Father! God is good, and He brings peace.

I am able to look back over my life and see the journey – understand why this or that occurred, and I choose to let go of the past, let go of guilt, let go of hate, and let go of shame. To those I have hurt, I admit I was wrong, though I ask no forgiveness because that is between you and your own higher power. For me, though, with the people I have held onto resentment for and for how I want to walk with God, I choose forgiveness – because I have a personal relationship with God the Father and Christ the Son now – and only in that is there peace. This is my relationship, not yours (though you could test the idea of God and see what you discover about whether or not God is there—your choice). This relationship that I have found is for me and my eternity. I will stand alone before the throne of God one day, responsible for my own actions and choices, and knowing this, I live in gratefulness. I have peace because I know that I am covered by the blood of Christ.

I meant it when I told my daughter that I would either wake up with recovery to do or I would wake up with Jesus. NEVER before I came to know Christ on a personal level could I have said such a thing. Never. This is MY experience. I tested it … didn’t realize that was what was happening as those wretched years rolled out, but in retrospect, I see that my stubborn self, in order to come to a personal walk with my Savior, had to encounter a wealth of “opposition.”

Again, I say to you, test it. Or don’t. That’s your decision. Really, though, do you have anything to lose if you pick up a Bible and read, let’s say, the book of John for a few minutes? Not really. You don’t have anything to lose in the here and now other than a few minutes of your life. You might discover that you have much more to lose than you thought … or you won’t. I can’t walk that path for you; I am on my own path.

That said, my intent here is not to push my beliefs on you; I am simply sharing my own experience here, and I will, though, lay down this challenge of open-mindedness and critical thinking. Just like I teach my Comp II students, to write an effective argument, you must encounter opposing information. You must know and test opposing information. You must be able to strengthen your own argument to stand up to the “opposing” side with research and fair-mindedness. Until this (actually encountering new and/or opposing information) is done, any argument is biased and unfair – and true growth won’t happen, nor will peace be found.

I shared with my sister-in-law Veronica last night what I had said to Kennedy, and I told Veronica I was contemplating writing a post the night before surgery telling everyone that Jesus is the answer! She said, and God bless her for her gift of bluntness, “Why wait until then?” And do you know what? She’s right! Why am I just contemplating that as I’m facing a major surgery with unknown outcomes? Great question!

So, here I am, writing this post in the face of something major like open heart surgery, saying things I should have been saying all along – and maybe I have, but I don’t know that I have, and what I’m contemplating is that I mean what I said to my daughter, though it was said with a sense of jest; I meant it. Does that suggest there’s not some anxiety in me about the unknown? No, it creeps around, but I’m pushing it away as it comes and choosing to trust that God’s will for my life will be done. If He keeps me around on this earth after this surgery, then so be it – and I’ll keep on keeping on. I’ll teach those critical thinking skills! Because each person needs to be able to make their own critical life decisions and have the skills to do so! As I wrote the first few paragraphs of this post, the song playing in the background from my cellphone was “Even If” by Mercy Me, and I cried … but amazed and submitted tears. Wow. Just wow. Yes, Lord, EVEN IF.

“They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes, you lose some
And right now, right now I’m losing bad
I’ve stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken, it’ll be alright
But right now, oh right now, I just can’t

It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You’re able, and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh, give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know You’re able, and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word?
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

You’ve been faithful, You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can

I know You’re able, and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow. I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word?
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

It is well with my soul
It is well. It is well with my soul”

Pawn or Pray

To say that I will never understand the hate that permeates our world is not true, though my feelings produce these words, “I do not understand how quickly people can hate!” With my rational mind and with wisdom that comes from a relationship with God the Father and Christ the Son, I understand and know that these are not republicans vs democrats, white vs black, a growing number of people vs. the Jewish people, gay vs. straight, religious vs. non-religious issues. Not at all. This world is encompassed in a battle between good and evil – though it’s a war raged by the devil against God Most High – it’s not even about any of us beyond being the devil’s pawns if we are willing, naive, and uninformed. The devils goal? To pull as many people away from God as possible before the end of days – and it’s not hard these days for him because people do not think; they rely on feelings in these post-truth days. He is slick-Rick telling people God is controlling and possibly not even real. Here’s the thing … God is love. God gives true freedom. But you have to find Him, seek Him, choose to not go along with the crowd and think for yourself. Pick up a Bible. Pick up the AA Big Book if you don’t want to read the Bible. Read one of them. Read both of them. Give God a try. Live according to His basic principles of … love Him (meaning recognize that we cannot manage our own lives well left to our own devices, and we need a higher power to truly help us) and love others as you love yourself. Not the rules churches and people create … just live by God’s basic principles. Live that way for a while. Do the next right thing because of love. Try it out. God is not the author of hate and chaos. He is the author of love.

The American Queen is Live!

“The American Queen” is available now on Amazon! This is a story I am proud of and excited to share. It was originally published in 2013, but the publishing company went out of business a short time later – and not because of this story. Wink, wink. In the years since that unexpected loss of publication, my life became tumultuous, and I was unable to put pen to paper, much less resurrect my previous works. Recently, my ability to focus returned, and I discovered that once a book has been published through a publishing house, most other publishers are not interested, so I reworked it and self-published it on KDP – Amazon.

Here is the prologue for the story – which explains how “The American Queen” came to be.

On July 29, 1981, Lady Diana Spencer married Prince Charles at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, and I watched. At nine years old, I had no need for Disney Princesses because I had Princess Diana to look up to and emulate. Her kindness and grace were a model for me as I moved into my teenage years and young adulthood. When she died on August 31, 1997, I stood with a month-old baby girl in my arms and cried over the loss of my Princess. I watched the news, saw the footage, and wrestled with what I heard. Skeptical me always believes nefarious things may be afoot, so a strong part of me desires to believe she’s still alive – despite the crunched car, despite the broken body, despite the witnesses, and the extensive news coverage. Call me a conspiracy theorist; I’m cool with that because my heart cannot believe that my Princess Diana is gone, so I picture her somewhere lying on a beach, living a life of freedom – laughing and loving as she deserved – living as she never could have as part of the royal family.

On January 20, 2009, Barak Obama became the President of the United States. Having always been a news junkie, I watched CNN and FOX throughout his Presidency – always observing his body language and those around him. The non-verbals of politicians and celebrities became a fascination for me, and I studied them – I became most fascinated by Michelle Obama, the First Lady of the United States. It is possible that I was/am way off base with what I’m about to say, but that holds no bearing on the end result of my supposition. It became my firm belief that Michelle Obama was unhappy – for whatever reason – but I surmised that being the First Lady of the United States was a position that came with not only a lack of privacy for the rest of her life but also pressure and danger like most other people on the planet cannot fathom. Her husband was the leader of the free world and either loved or hated the world over. I watched her smiles – in most pictures and video clips, her smiles appear forced. I did not observe movement near her eyes which would indicate true smiles. And I began to toss around thoughts about what it would be like to be the First Lady of the United States … and my consensus after some thought was no, thank you. That’s definitely not for me.

My musings on Princess Diana and Michelle Obama formed a story idea.

Alice Hatcher is the First Lady of the United States, married to the most powerful man in the world. She has everything – or so people believe. She speaks on issues of education and kindness; she wears designer clothes, her husband is powerful, her children have the best education, and people love her. More than love, the people adore her. She and Don make a striking couple, and their faces grace the covers of magazines worldwide. Her life is glamorous, and women everywhere wish to be her or, at least, be her friend. Only, she wishes not to be her. The spotlight is not something she ever wanted. A secret service agent convinces her that her death can be faked, and Alice takes the risk. She wants the freedom to live according to her own desires, do what she wants, live quietly, and be out of the spotlight, never to be on the stage again with flashing lights blinding her as the paparazzi swarm. Once “dead,” Alice discovers freedom is not always what it seems, people are not always who they claim to be, and someone knows she’s alive! She sets off to chase her “freedom” ….

So, You Need to Be Right? Why?

Featured

The last year and eight months of my life have been blessed beyond my understanding, and I attribute this to God’s grace and wisdom and His gift of my husband, Patrick. In that time, I have learned much about love – some of which I knew for years deep in my soul had to be possible but never thought I deserved (especially because I was told I didn’t deserve it), thinking it was for other, better people. I want to share what I have learned with you, and you’ll read it if you want to consider how to be peaceful in your relationships.

I don’t care what the situation is; fighting wastes time. There is no ‘but’ to that statement. It is what it is. And it is a choice. Fighting stems from one person not getting their way, not feeling respected, insecure, or embarrassed by their partner. Each of those things is emotion-based. Emotions have choice behind them. We choose to remain in feelings. Whether it be anger, frustration, hate, sadness, or embarrassment. It is a choice to remain in any of them. Each of those things is self-focused – not the other person concerned. Remaining in such a state will keep a relationship in turmoil. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about that.

Argument is an altogether different thing from fighting. In argument, there are no harsh words, no name-calling, and no raised voices –no hateful eyes, no drool, no violence. According to the actual definition, an argument is a back-and-forth exchange of ideas in a calm and courteous manner. It is valuing the other person and listening to their thoughts and opinions without chiming in every two seconds or even every minute while speaking to pronounce one’s thoughts and try to be right or “win.” Argument is listening to understand and seeking the best solutions to issues for all parties involved. It is about giving respect – which can NEVER be demanded. It cannot be questioned. It cannot be expected – not for it to be real.

Respect is something earned. It will never come when demanded. Again, that is what it is. Respect is something earned by the maturity of an individual to decide to treat others in kind, efficient, productive, and challenging ways. Not by tearing them down, calling them names, abusing them in any way, playing victim cards, or controlling them. What those bring about is not respect … those things bring fear, anxiety, and hate … that’s what demanding respect creates. Hate. The exact opposite of respect – not to mention love.

I listen to people fight and think, “what a waste.” It is. A total waste of time – my soul has always known this. I thought this as a child. I felt it during my young adulthood, and I’ve always felt it in work relationships, friendships, and as a mother of fighting children. During a fight, no one truly listens – each person prepares their next diatribe or escape – fight or flight – be louder, be angrier, be violent, get that person’s attention no matter what – WHICH DOES NOT WORK in the way a fighter wants. WIN! No. There are no winners – this is not Boxing or MMA. This is your life. This is your home at stake. Productivity and health do not come from in-fighting in marriages or relationships. I never found value in fighting (the opposite of true argument). It is a waste of time and energy. And … it’s a choice.

Regularly I tell my students that I want them to get the application of this deep in their souls earlier in life than I did. My ENFJ personalitied self wants all people to get this – fighting wastes time, and it is by choice.

You decide how you want to live and how you want to be in relationships. You are responsible for YOU before God in Heaven. Only You. How do YOU treat others? That’s what matters. The world would have you believe you have a right to complain about how others treat you, to get your feathers ruffled because this person upset you or hurt you, that you can feel justified in your anger at another person because they did you wrong somehow. Really. That’s not a question. That’s me saying … really, no. You are responsible for your own damn self, so watch out for pointing your finger at others because those three pointing back at you should remind you that you’re allowing yourself to feel anger built on something inside you. The question is why. What is at the root of that anger? Where is it coming from inside of you? This imperative question is where AA principles come into play.

We have basic instincts/needs as humans. These include Self-Esteem, Personal Relations, Security, and Ambition. When these are threatened in any way, resentments are born in us. When we hold resentment regarding any event or person, before jumping into a “right” to destroy said person or event, we must question which of these basic human instincts has been ‘affronted’ in us/you, and in that affront, what is your responsibility? Have you been self-seeking, dishonest, fearful? From there, if you hold even a variant of responsibility (which we usually do), ask yourself what the exact nature of your response/responsibility is using the seven deadly sins as a guide: envy, gluttony, greed or avarice, lust, pride, sloth, and wrath. What is happening inside of YOU that needs to be dealt with before you can point fingers at others? AA is about personal responsibility, and that is everything. Your responsibilities. Your choices. How you handle your instincts and the affronts to your instincts. When we don’t look inside ourselves and root out the WHY of our aggressions and the reasons we fight, we will continue to put ourselves before others and be angry.

There is no room for resentment or selfishness (which is a response in direct correlation to resentment born from instincts being attacked/hurt) in marriage. None. There is no room for selfishness in a healthy relationship – that applies to siblings, friends, coworkers, parents, and marriage. The same principles apply across the board. Whenever I talk about these things with anyone, especially in my classes where we discuss communication skills and arguments… it always comes down to one central idea. Love your neighbor as yourself. Treat others the way you want to be treated. To be able to practice these things, taking a deep hard look into your resentments is an important consideration. Understand yourself and why you react and respond the way you do so that you can be better with who YOU are. You have to be good with YOU so you can even begin to be effective in relationships with others. THEN, love your neighbor as yourself and treat others as you want to be treated come into play. Both of those are choices, and they are truly the same idea. Be kind and respectful – to everyone – even yourself.

Before those, though, for true peace and happiness in any relationship comes ‘Love the Lord your God will all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength’ Want to know how to have peace in your marriage and relationships? Get to know God on an intimate level. Read His word. Talk to Him. Meditate.

Romans 12:9-18 comes to mind as an excellent passage to meditate on.

^“9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

¹⁴Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.^[a] Do not be conceited.

¹⁷Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Patrick always says, at the end of the day, ask yourself if you’re comfortable in your own skin – are you good with who you are? I like that, but I want to add this thought … at the end of your life, when you stand before God, you are responsible for yourself alone. Your choices. Your responses. How you CHOSE to live your life. This life will not be long. It passes fast. Our time here is to be spent in good, productive ways, spreading love to people who need love, everyone you encounter. Especially your spouse and close relationships. Why would you waste time?

My husband Patrick and I choose to keep God first in our lives. We both strive to treat one another appropriately – knowing this … Patrick is a child of God, and I am a child of God. Neither of us has the right to tear down, hurt, or denigrate in any way a child of God – i.e., each other. We understand this, and we choose to be devoted to one another. We do not fight. We discuss. We choose peace. Our home is peaceful. That’s not to say that potential divisive things do not arise because they do.

But we VALUE each other more than either of us needs to be “right.”

Maybe you’ve heard me, and maybe you haven’t. Maybe my inclusion of God into the equation puts you off. Sorry, not sorry. He is the answer to all of this – that’s basic. If you are resistant to the addition of God in the equation, all I can do is share my insights and experience based on wisdom, research, teaching ‘argument skills’ to thousands of students, my life’s roller-coaster path, and the goodness of God through it all. If you want to get along with people, learn how to participate in a true argument. This action requires knowing and respecting yourself and your audience before engaging with your audience. It is never about demanding that others respect you or agree with you. Never. You may get a ‘modicum’ of what you’re after because it comes to you based on fear, anxiety, or hate, but it won’t be real. Not true respect. That audience will fight you – even if it is silent and unnoticed by you – hate will grow. And then … BOOM!

It’s all a choice, so be the best version of yourself that you can be.

To tag this at the end, some people are incapable of this critical thinking process. Being in a relationship with them will remain toxic for you and your children if you have them. Here, again, lies another choice. If this is your situation, help does exist. I found a Bible-believing therapist who taught me how to establish boundaries and how to value myself as a Child of God. I took steps to learn healthy means of communication – I made big changes in my life, and now, I am at peace. I chose to walk away from toxicity. I reference Romans 12:18 again, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” If it is possible. It is not always possible with some people. You have a choice.

Information Access in Danger!

Earlier this week, my sister–in-law made an appointment with America’s Frontline Doctors. She spoke to a doctor and received a prescription that would come through the mail. The doctor did not push ideas or beliefs on her. The doctor listened to her, asked relevant questions to the illness, and then, she prescribed my sister-in-law medications that the government, Fauci, most medical doctors under the money umbrella of Fauci and Big pharma, and pharmacies in general will not prescribe or allow access to. These same esteemed folks who cry “listen to the science!” will not allow that there are medications that help – and there is science to reinforce and prove that medications exist that alleviate symptoms and get people on their feet quickly. It’s not their science, so it is labeled misinformation. (No matter the vast amount of evidences that their vaccine is killing people and damaging people in the thousands – this information is squelched, censored, removed … anything contrary to what they want YOU to know or believe is labeled misinformation.)

After my sister-in-law’s experience reaching America’s Frontline Doctors, I got on their website and tried to make an appointment. Time after time, I got an error screen. I could press “Make an appointment” but I could never get to the appointment screen. Error. Error. I tried on my computer and on my phone. Error. Error. I contacted my sister-in-law and asked her if that had happened to her at all. She said no, so she set out to make the appointment for me.

It worked for her. While she was getting the appointment secured, a thought crossed my mind.

It had come to our attention recently that the CEO of AT&T was anti-conservative – and we have already begun a discussion about choosing a different internet service, so as not to support AT&T and their CEOs agenda. In light of this, the thought that crossed my mind was … turn off your WiFi. What if …

Without my AT&T WiFi on, the Americas Frontline Doctors site worked perfectly. I was able to access the information my sister-in-law had put in on my account.

Deep breath.

Taking away people’s right to information to make decisions for themselves is NOT freedom. It is the opposite of freedom. It is communism. It is control “for the better of the people” … these ‘leaders’ think they know what is best for the people – and they’re going to control the narrative because right now, they have power. AT&T, I see you. You are determining what I can and what I cannot access. You’re not the only one … It’s disgusting. It is evil. It is wrong.

People have the inherent right to study and read and know for themselves – to access information wherein they can make informed decisions. When information is silenced, that access is denied to information – and that is WRONG.

I teach this in my classrooms – I will never be the professor who pushes a personal belief agenda on students beyond READ FOR YOURSELVES. Research. Read opposing perspectives! Weigh them against each other! Understand that in this world, you have to dig for opposing ideas because left and right information is being labeled as “misinformation” that is, in fact, just information that does not suit the powerful’s agenda. I teach my students to be informed people. Know all the angles. Know all the aspects. Seek the motivations – and make solid determinations for your own mind and your own soul. Seek knowledge beyond what is allowed to you. When a thing is hidden this hard, there is obviously something in it that someone doesn’t want you to know. This has been true throughout history. It’s common sense. Unfortunately, most people/sheeple don’t take time to know history, don’t have interest in the workings of humanity, and therefore they are easily led by power hungry elites.

I try to do my part in the classroom – teaching CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS. These are a lost art nowadays … I push my students to dig into the why of a belief – who is behind it, why does it exist, what is it based upon … I promise them I will never judge them or fail them if they have a belief that is different from my own. I want them to show me in their essays that no matter what their belief is that they can support it with evidence AND that they can admit opposing perspectives exist and counter those as effectively as they can through research and insight.

This becomes more difficult when even AT&T is controlling what YOU can read and what YOU can do online. This should concern EVERY person. No matter political belief because the funny thing about power is that it always changes hands.

Those who are wanting to take away freedoms now, when the power shifts, are going to want their freedoms back. The rules are okay now for them because they suit their needs … but the day will come where they will need cry rooms and a plethora of Kleenex as the tide turns. And it will. It always does.

That’s life – and if people would pay attention to history, they’d know that.

Suffice it to say, I’m looking over internet choices – and will be making a switch away from AT&T.

It is shameful that they will use their power to control what people can access. Shameful.

God does not do that.

God is good. He allows people choice – He allows all of humanity the ability to choose for themselves – and people make a mess of life because we are flawed, greedy, selfish, pridefilled – and He allows it. He does not shut off access to information – He lets us plunge into the depths of whatever we choose … and we find ourselves lost and trapped and trying to fill endless holes in our souls for power, wealth, health …

That way – when people come to the end of themselves and finally turn to Him and choose Him – it is because they have come to admit that their own pursuit of knowledge and power are nothing without Him.

Some will. Some won’t. He knows that. He allows that. He wants followers who truly love Him. Who choose Him.

Governments could learn a lot from following God’s ways. But they won’t because that requires giving up their false perception of control. Ah life … it just rolls on and ONE day, He will call it all to and end. Maranatha, Lord. Maranatha.

Wonder how long it will take for this to get flagged in some way as misinformation. LOL. All I am saying is allow people access to information so they can THINK for themselves!

AH … that’s right, you don’t think they can, do you, Fauci or Biden or any number of other power elites? You don’t think we can think for ourselves.

God wins in the end. It’s already written.

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Censorship is Out of Hand

In most things, I keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. Today, though, I will say this, I value and respect the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. Because of that, I am deleting my Facebook page – and will be using other sites.

Facebook’s removal of the Canadian Trucker Convoy page bothers me to my core. Censorship is getting out of hand.

The refusal to allow people the right to access information and opposing ideas is wrong. People have a right to know that opposing ideas exist. They have a right to read for themselves and to make decisions for themselves.

People have the right to weigh information, to check it against litmus tests for themselves. If they have only the information before them that is approved by the people in power, that’s not right. There is nothing right about that.

I don’t care what side of any of the issues you fall on … it is not right to remove people’s opportunity to have knowledge regarding multiple viewpoints and perspectives. It is not right to remove people’s opportunity to think for themselves.

No matter what any of us believes, that should be something that is bothersome to your soul – and something recognized as evil.

Make no mistake that if it suits you now, when power shifts in government – which it will, the same rules that suit you now, won’t suit you then when your thoughts/ideas get censored and they will if this kind of behavior by big tech is allowed to continue to increase.

It is not just the right that loses their voice right now. It is the left too … when that day comes. And it will.

I posted this to my Facebook page, and I’m going to let it sit here for a day, so I can get my information downloaded and saved, and then, I will delete this page. I’m also interested to see how long it takes my post to get flagged as misinformation.

Go for it, Facebook. It’s been real.

Pro-Riot Rally Descends on D.C. … Is that right? Insert a raised eyebrow.

Words have power.

I teach this to my students – because it is true. The media, marketing firms, writers, movie makers – they all KNOW this, and they are gifted at this – what I like to call in the classroom – MANIPULATION. And … the sheeple just go … baaaaa and believe all the pretty, crafted words without digging in past the headlines or one-sided perspectives.

This morning as I looked for a potentially divisive article to use as we work on how to use OUTLINES (the practice is to come to a common agreement on a divisive article – and it WORKS every time. It has for 13 years in my classes), I came across this:

“This Weekend: Pro-Riot Rally Descends on D.C. …”

Certainly, the words “Pro-Riot” and “Descends” are intentional to stir emotion in headline readers who will not dig in deeper – or seek to try to understand other perspectives. The Huffington Post knows this about their readers. So … hence the fear-inducing word choices in the headline, but also in the article – where it seems the writers have forgotten to mention riots, damage, or deaths that have occurred at the hands of the opposition to the Far-Right crowd. I am sitting here shaking my head, but also applauding their ability to manipulate their readers and information.

The Right and the Left. Both do this.

Words have power.

Baaaaaaa.