Category: Career

Something Scary, Boo.

What’s scary is that people don’t mind getting their news from one-sided sources. Truly scary. And willfully blind. Ignorant is a better word. Willfully ignorant. Choosing not to see things from opposing perspectives. Choosing not to understand why someone might dare to hold a different thought. Never ask why that person holds an opposing view. Just willfully ignoring that opposing perspectives exist, and that only by seeking to understand why the other side is different can true perspective and sincere grounding for one’s own perspectives be found. We certainly don’t want to be accused of thinking for ourselves beyond one-sided news sources; we want to choose a side and hate anyone who opposes our held ideas. It is stunning – truly stunning – and not in a good way, not in a beautiful way – that such willful ignorance exists, and in abundance at that. Cognitive Dissonance. Biases. Logical Fallacies. They’re flowing like water rushing over Bridalveil Falls, and I am stunned. I shouldn’t be, but I am.

Despite it all, I will continue to teach critical thinking skills which incorporate calm, courteous processes wherein we know our audience, understand their perspectives, research opposing information, and address such with clarity and evidence – not seeking to win an argument but to, at the very least, inspire critical thinking in the audience. There is no place for anger, no place for emotionalism, no place for words like, anyone who has an opposing perspective “should be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.” I saw those words on Facebook during COVID. On a colleague’s Facebook page. I’ll never forget them; I still work with this person. I don’t do social media with coworkers much anymore, and I keep an eye on that individual. That person is supposed to be teaching critical thinking skills … that scares me, too. How can an individual who believes anyone who opposes their ideas “should be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives,” teach any person anywhere how to be fair and participate in a true argument? It’s wildly insane.

To anyone reading this, please don’t get your news from just one source. Not just from CNN. Not just from FOX. Today, one of my students told me about “Allsides.com” – supposedly a fair and balanced site; I checked it out. I’m intrigued. I try to be open-minded and seek to understand why people who believe differently from me do just that … believe differently from me. It has everything to do with life experience, culture, and research (lot of or lack of). Why this doesn’t make sense to the masses will baffle me for the rest of my existence on this earth, I’m sure. So be it. That will not stop me from teaching and encouraging my students to think for themselves beyond what one news station or certain social media influencers say. I will continue to push them to experience multiple perspectives and draw conclusions based on research and paced thought, never rash emotion or bandwagon mentality. I will continue to grade their work not on whether I agree with their thesis statements, but on how well they support those statements with their evidence. I will also continue to show them that every one of us is valuable, no matter our perspectives, and that not a one of us deserves to be “shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.”

Of course, I’ll draw this to a close in much the same way I end many of my classes. What I’m telling you here (think for yourself and don’t settle for one perspective) works for me, but you do you, Boo.

Writer Interview: Me, Interviewed by a Former Student. Q&A.

  1. What got you interested in writing?

My earliest memory of enjoying writing is Ms. Campbell’s English class in 6th grade. One particular assignment was that she gave us a list of random words, and we had to write a short story that included each word. It has been 41 years, and I still smile when I remember that assignment. It was a challenge, and it inspired me. She is also the teacher who stirred my interest in reading. During 7th grade, under her tutelage, I ventured into “Wuthering Heights,” and the rest is history. Ms. Campbell was my English teacher in 6th, 7th, and 10th grades. She encouraged me. She pushed me. She challenged me.

  1. Was there a specific moment when you realized you wanted to become a writer, and when was that?

Although I dabbled in writing a never-seen-the-light-of-day book during high school, it wasn’t until I was deep into my Master’s in Creative Writing that I submitted a memoir piece about something that scared me as a child, which I did. When the teacher, Craig Schneider, handed it back, he said, “You should get this published in a horror magazine.” THAT is a moment I will never forget. Who? Me? Horror? Oh my. It turned out to be my first published piece.

  1. What have you done in your career as a writer?

In addition to teaching creative writing courses (Novel Writing, Introduction to Creative Writing, Poetry) and Composition courses, I enjoy writing on my blog. I have four published short stories (“The Devil’s Promenade,” “Full Moon,” “The Echo of Alone,” and “Mom in the Middle”), three novels, two of which are in current publication (“A Kiss in the Rain” and “The American Queen” – the third is “For Love of Words”), and two children’s books (“Not Real and Never Will Be” and “Giraffes are People, Too” with my daughter, Kennedy). This past year, I headed up the creation of a Writer’s Series that is housed in the TCC Library, in which I am blessed to interview authors, poets, publishers, and editors for TCC’s students. https://guides.library.tulsacc.edu/TCCwritersseries.

  1. What do you do currently in your writing career?

Teach creative writing. Write on my blog when I can. https://lenazyslife.home.blog/. I have been making notes for a memoir on recovery and survival, which I will accomplish with Stonebrook Publishing (hopefully) sometime in the next two to three years. I also challenge students to improve their creative writing, so I talk about writing daily! I stay affiliated with the Tulsa Nightwriters, though I don’t attend as regularly as I should.

  1. What is your favorite thing about writing?

Expressing my thoughts and feelings, they flow more smoothly through my fingers than they do my mouth. Unless I’m in front of a group of people, one-on-one talking ties my tongue; I’d rather have a keyboard and my fingers. I can write for others, and I can write for myself. It is an expression of what is deep inside me, either way.

  1. What are the things you don’t like about writing?

That my fingers move faster than my mind sometimes because I get excited, and my fingers fly, and the squiggle lines occur in abundance on the screen! But I’m okay with letting them sit there. I’ve learned to let go and let the fingers fly. However, there’s a part of me that wants to slow down and beat the timed typing test every time.

  1. What has been a challenge as a writer?

Initially, negative self-talk. Not thinking I had anything to say or to offer. Once I began my Master’s courses, peer review tested me and almost knocked me out of the game. I stuck it out, though, and I came to love peer review and workshopping. Understanding the vital necessity of critique to make the writing better. Through workshopping and peer review, I learned how to set my feelings aside and focus on making the writing its best.

  1. What surprised you most about this career?

I don’t write for a career, so I cannot necessarily speak to that, but as for teaching creative writing, it brings me joy! That doesn’t surprise me, though. What surprises me is that 17 years ago, I was a stay-at-home mom and had been for the 12 years before that. I’d forgotten that I had a mind and how to use it. Now, to see myself as an Assistant Professor, Career Faculty Fellow, and President-Elect of the Faculty Association at my school is a dream. Something completely unexpected.

  1. Any advice for someone considering a career in writing?

It’s not a quick way to wealth. That’s for sure. This is something we do for the love of writing and expression. This is something you do because you are passionate about it. You write whether you make money at it or not. In “On Writing,” Stephen King says he would write even if he didn’t make a dime at it because he is compelled to. I get that. I often feel compelled to write – like I have to write, or I will lose my mind. So … write … write so you don’t lose your mind. 

  1. What does a typical day as a writer look like?

This one does not apply to me as much; I write when and where I can.

  1. What does your writing process look like?

Before writing a larger work, I take notes on paper, getting to know my characters, giving them quirks, and dreaming up scenarios that might take them where I want them to go, although they’ll ultimately decide where they go on their own. When writing fiction, it is me and my laptop. I play instrumental music to match the mood of what needs to be written. When writing nonfiction, such as my blog, I write the piece in Word first, freewriting and then editing. Once completed, I copy and paste the piece into my blog. If I were to write a research paper, there is a whole other process that includes outlines and notecards, rough drafts, and peer reviews. So, the writing process is situation-dependent for me. Kind of hypocritical because I teach students one method for the writing process. But shhhhh.

  1. How do you think AI will affect the writing field, and what are your thoughts on AI?

AI “hallucinates,” is what my friend Adam the Librarian told me, and I’ve seen it in essays “written” by students. AI is easy to spot. It fabricates quotes and attributes them to sources that they are not from.  AI cannot write creatively. It cannot write conflict.  It steals your voice if you allow it to edit your writing; it words things how you, the writer, would never dream of wording your pieces. It’s not you. It cannot be you. What you, the writer, have to offer is far better, more creative, and imaginative. I allow AI to help me with grammar and punctuation from time to time, especially when I’m doing the flying fingers thing, though I keep my own voice and style; I give the AI suggestions the boot. How will it affect the writing field … sadly, it can take the place of artistic writing voices and replace them with lack of imagination and dullsville writing. I hope more writers will avoid AI than will choose to use it. I will continue to do my own writing – good and bad.

  1. Overall, do you think the internet has improved or worsened the writing field?

It has greatly improved opportunities for sharing your voice and publication; however, the field is oversaturated, which means that voices, if they get heard, don’t get much more than their 15 seconds of fame. It’s the same in music and art. We are oversaturated, and because of that, it isn’t easy to stand out. Push, though, don’t stop. Keep going because you love it. Write because you’re compelled to. I am not fully answering the question, so back on track … in the sense that there are more opportunities, this is a vast improvement. However, those same opportunities have saturated the writing field with overwhelming amounts of poor writing.

  1. Does location (the state you live in) matter when looking for jobs in writing?

I’m a college professor, not a full-time writer, so I’m making an educated guess, but I would think that states with large cities would offer more opportunities.

  1. Is writing a fairly flexible job, as far as having an independently made schedule, juggling a family, and other things in life?

It depends on what variation of writing you’re involved with. Are you a freelancer? Are you a blogger? Are you a reporter? The answer to this is also dependent on the person. Go-getter? Get-by-er? Personally, as a college professor, I have time for writing when it isn’t a day of nose-to-the-grindstone essay grading. My schedule is fairly flexible, allowing me to find moments here and there to pour out my thoughts on a keyboard. But speaking to writing as a job, again, that’s not something I can fully speak to.

  1. What is something most people don’t know about careers in writing?

That not everyone can be Stephen King. Each semester that I teach Novel Writing, students come with high expectations of publication and living that writer life, and then I give them writing assignments that have about half of them second-guessing their life choices. In my world, these are not challenging assignments, but for those who underestimate the amount of thought and planning that goes into even beginning the work, it can be daunting. Writing takes thought, planning, and determination. It takes the ability to push through, have thick skin, and care less. It takes understanding that editing is the magic and the work, and you cannot expect to write anything well right out of the gate. There is work involved. Also, people have no idea how much work a writer like Stephen King puts into the novels that decorate our shelves. He has a strict process, thick skin, and determination. He also has an author, who King says, will not let him be Stephen King.

  1. What are good skills to have as a writer?

Beyond skills, having an open mind, a creative and curious spirit, a love of language and communicating ideas, and determination are essential. As far as skills, at minimum a decent command of vocabulary and grammar/punctuation, plus the ability to use tools such as Hemingway Editor without letting it change your voice. Computer skills are imperative. The ability to use Word or Google Docs, or a desire to learn how to do it, and the stubbornness to figure it out for yourself. I had a ‘learn it or else’ attitude with myself, and it paid off when it came to formatting a manuscript, which I had had no prior knowledge of how to do. I am self-taught – that stubborn determination got me there. Also, and this is essential, the skill to participate in peer review—to accept feedback from others and be willing to edit your work, putting the benefit of the work above your feelings. My husband frequently says, “F*&^ your feelings,” and he’s not wrong.

  1. Can you describe writer’s block and how you deal with it?

Writer’s block, schmiter’s block. You have writer’s block? Write about it. Write about how it feels. Write about the frustration. Be raw in your description … let the anguish out. Say it all. Say things no one else will. We all have these pent-up irritations like “writer’s block,” so write it all out. Write about what it feels like to be blocked, to be stunted, to be held back, even by yourself … and then, once the “writer’s block” loosens, which it will, give all of that emotional gunk to one of your characters! Because, hey, characters need to get stuck in their thoughts, too. Use your “writer’s block” to push yourself to better descriptions and characters built out of authenticity that pours out of your own negative experience. Heck yeah. No more excuses. No more “writer’s block.”

  1. Are you working on any books or writing projects right now?

Yes. I have a lot of pre-work completed. Somewhere around 50,000 words of pre-work. That writing is a fictionalized account of my life story because, at the time I wrote it, it was too personal, and I needed to separate myself from it. So … fiction. Now, an intense year and a half of growth, open heart surgery, and healing has passed, and I have new eyes with which to view my own story. It has grown and changed in my heart, and it will now be more than a description of surviving abuse; it will now be a focus on recovery and living life to its fullest despite the past. I have notes. I have ideas. I’m constantly mulling it over, and I have a potential path toward publication. Timing is essential, and the day is just not right yet to get fully started on my memoir. I aim to achieve this feat within the next three years. Additionally, I have considered creating a writing textbook for my Comp II courses, which is also on the burner. Not necessarily the back burner, but it is behind the memoir.

Writing on my blog is a fairly regular occurrence, so that doesn’t fall in this answer/category. Every time I hear of a writing contest, my ears perk up, and I think, I could do that! And then, it’s time to grade papers ….

  1. Any advice or resources when narrowing down and deciding career paths?

Find what you’re passionate about and pursue that.

When you do what you love for a living, you never work a day.

Those are cliché sayings, but they’re true. I live them. Every day.

Vatterott College Taught Me to Work Harder Than You

When I hear folks who work in a community college environment or a state college/university environment complain about their workloads, I disingenuously smile; internally, I roll my eyes and think they’d have never survived at Vatterott College, a high-stress, high-stakes environment.

Big boy pants, people.

At Vatterott, we were expected, as faculty, to retain our students. Every one of them. Any student who missed class had to be called, messaged, and recorded in our data system until an actual connection with the student was established. All communications (including attempts to contact and actual contact with the student) were to be documented in CampusVue for all staff and administrators to access. If you did not contact each missing student (and in our general education classes, we had 30 students per class; most terms I taught 7 classes, giving me 210 students every 10 weeks), your position at the school became endangered. If too many students dropped your classes, your position at the school was jeopardized. Retain. Retain. Retain. Talk them into returning. Keep them in the seats. Make them stay for 4 1/2 hours each day and don’t sit down while you’re teaching. No calling 911. (One day, one of my students threatened to shoot the place up, and it was determined, after he calmed down, that he would remain in the classroom … I put my foot down on that one and said, No. I took a risk even after being told there would be consequences if I canceled my class that day. I canceled the class. Student safety was worth it.) We were to note all interactions with all students in the system. High expectations. Fear of losing your job. Negative critiques. Walking on eggshells around corporate-level employees. Always knowing you’re being watched. Convincing students who are just trying to stay out of jail that they can and are students and can achieve – partly so you can keep your job by keeping them in the classroom, but also because you grow to care about the students who have complicated, unbelievably hard lives and drama in their lives. I learned how to connect, engage, and reach students in that environment. I believe that those of us who worked there developed a trauma bond with our students and with one another. Those of us who stayed, anyway.

I’m a survivor. I navigated 8 years and 2 months at Vatterott, collecting various positions (instructor, program director, member of the interview committee, registrar, retention officer, and subject matter expert) and recognitions (2013’s Most Innovative Instructor) until Vatterott closed its doors forever on December 17, 2018, at 4:00 p.m. I’ll never forget going home at 4:00 that day, sitting on my couch, and staring at the Christmas tree. What now?

Had it not died that day, I’m sure I’d still be in the Vatterott family; I grew to love it – probably that trauma bonding. I’m privileged to know so many wonderful people from those days. Bobby, Sam, Colleen, Brandi, Katie, Marcy, Shane, Ric, Craig, Scott, Virilyaih, Cheryl, Rhonda, Patrick, Maria, Charles, Al, Keegan, Cody, Melanie, Gonz, Rich, Jessie, Suzanne, Julie, Juan, John, Michelle, Velma, Velma, Celeste, Melanie, Barbara, Beth, Casey, Veronica, Brian, John, John, Rich, Jeff, etc. I’m smiling as memories flood my mind as I just write their names down. Strong people. Tough environment. #survivors #grateful #vatterottcollege

The opportunities since those years have been a blessing of ease; it is normal to hear me say that people who complain about their workloads should be required to spend a minimum of 2 years in a trade school environment. Then, they can come back and hit the ground running with gratitude for environments/schools/campuses that give autonomy and do not have the red-tape expectations that for-profit education places on their employees/teachers. Perspective is essential. Sometimes I think that colleagues who have only worked in a particular type of educational bubble don’t realize how blessed they are, how free they are, and, really, how spoiled they are. Me? Puh-lease. I know exactly what I have now and how blessed I am, and I could not be more thrilled to be an Assistant Professor of English at Tulsa Community College. It is a beautiful school with a beautiful mission, and I’m two feet in – Community Unites Us!

Two of my former Vatterott coworkers and I get together from time to time, and we laugh about how ‘easy’ our current positions are in comparison to what life was like before. We swap stories of the types of complaints we encounter in workplaces since our time at Vatterott and try to imagine those complaining folks working in the environment that the three of us survived—and not only survived, but thrived in. We know that the majority of these complaining individuals would not have lasted long in those roles we held and grew in. We are strong women, tough women, who can handle adversity and rise above it, who will work harder than most – we have proven this. And speaking of strong women, sometimes I think about reaching out to our former CEO and saying, “Thank you for being tough on us all.” Actually, the language I joked that I’d use was, “Thank you for being a tyrant.” I know, though, she was doing what she believed was best for the entire Vatterott system, and I’m beyond grateful for the lessons I learned there. I am the employee and the professor I am today because of my time at Vatterott College.

Some people say they’ve been to the school of hard knocks. Others attend Universities. Some choose state colleges or private schools when they desire higher education. Me? I attended a private Christian college for my bachelor’s degree, then a private University for my second bachelor’s degree and my master’s degree. But the school that taught me the most was the first school that took me in as an instructor, Vatterott College. I am grateful for a demanding work environment and a CEO with high expectations. I think everyone should have at least one experience in a place like that.

A Vatterott reunion would be ‘tops.’ Does anyone say ‘tops’ anymore? Probably not. A Vatterott reunion would be welcome. Good to have some trauma-bonded hugs. Perhaps one day.

A Despicable 4-Letter Word

To say 4-letter word usually evokes an F-bomb in the mind, but that’s not the word I’m disgusted by. Over time, I’ve come to appreciate the appropriate use of a strong f*#k in making a point. Overusing that word is an unknown tragedy to its users because it doesn’t land how they think it does. It becomes routine to their vocabulary and thus just indicative of someone who doesn’t pay much attention to their word choices, much less the power behind them. To me, this very point leads to the 4-letter word I despise.

Lazy.

It’s not the word itself; it’s just a word. It’s what the word indicates about people—an attribute or characteristic I do not understand nor can I abide by, and it is all around me—us. It’s everywhere, like a contagious infection, festering and spreading through whatever is out there that traps people into doing nothing productive or caring that they’re doing nothing productive.

Never do I ever want lazy to be a word that describes my character. Since I was a kid, I’ve been go, go, go like my sweet momma was. I’m going to figure it out. I’m going to be busy and productive. I’m competitive, and I love a challenge. I’m independent-spirited and never lazy. When I see laziness, I recoil internally, and I thank God that I am who I am, realizing I am not without faults because I have those in abundance, but laziness is not one.

This is on my mind today because there is a young generation of folks just entering their twenties who are content to be lazy, and I do not understand. I started working when I was 16, and I have ever since. In my stay-at-home mom years, I ran a home daycare—caring for my own growing brood of 6 and many other children over a twelve-year period when I rarely sat down. Around 35 years old, I went back to school and achieved my master’s degree,e all while working full-time, assisting with operations for a lawncare/tree service, and raising six children. Again, I’m not saying I did any of those things well, but I was not lazy. I worked. I want to earn the things I have; it feels good to do so.

Ranting, I suppose. Regardless, I don’t understand laziness; I find it abhorrent. Now, to be fair, I know that conflict avoidance is something I have to work on …

Career Advice from 72 Students in Mrs. C’s Comp II Courses – Spring 2025.

The assignment was “Consider life up to this point and what Career Advice you have encountered. Write an essay in which you determine the most helpful advice you’ve received – whether it was spoken to you, or you read it somewhere/heard it in a TED Talk, etc. Come up with three pieces of advice that have been helpful. You will share about these in 1,250 words – keeping the most helpful as the third main point of the essay.”

It was essay #1, which assesses where Comp II students stand with writing skills and proficiency before the course is fully underway. It establishes for me, the Professor, where we are beginning and gives me the information necessary to know how best to proceed as I keep course outcomes and my goals for student achievement at the forefront.

The outcome of this writing assignment, which spread over five Comp II courses, astounded me. Seventy-two students wrote passionately about the career and life advice they’d been given by parents, employers, coworkers, books, articles, mentors, singers, TEDx presentations, video games, friends, etc., how the advice affected them, and how it could benefit others. After several essays, I decided to track the collected advice in one document – one I could share with the students after I completed grading all five classes. I expected it to be a couple of pages, maybe three, with most advice being repetitive that I would combine to save space. This is NOT what occurred. The result of this collection of career advice is incredible! For the most part, student after student wrote out unique and equally valuable career and life advice, and according to Word, it is eight pages long in its single-spaced and bulleted format. .5” margins. Garamond font. 12 pt. Over 4,400 words of career advice. These are in no particular order. Nuggets of golden advice exist throughout – and for each of us, what a golden nugget is could be different. That’s the beauty of it and why I’m sharing it.

“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself” (Oscar Wilde).

For anonymity’s sake, the student’s names are not shared, but if any of the advice contained in this document is helpful and something you’d like to quote elsewhere, here is a Works Cited page citation suggestion.

Cunningham, D. L. (2025, January 31). Career Advice – Collection of Student Insight from 72 Essays in Mrs. Cunningham’s Comp II Courses – Spring 2025.

Career Advice from 72 Students in Professor C’s Comp II Courses – Spring 2025.

  • Keep track of everything you try and what you accomplish.
  • Figure out what values are most significant to you.
  • Give yourself the space to change.
  • Let yourself try different jobs, experiment with different hobbies, and make each situation you face a learning experience.
  • Surround yourself with a community.
  • Make sure to serve others.
  • Make a difference in the lives of other people.
  • Find meaning in your job every day.
  • Don’t get too comfortable; be patient because nothing is permanent.
  • There is always an opportunity for things to get either extremely good or extremely bad. Nevertheless, trying to make things good instead of bad is important.
  • Work hard.
  • Be patient when life gets hard.
  • Do what you love.
  • Keep smiling even through the tough times.
  • Be confident, and who cares what people think or say?
  • You are the only one who can accomplish your goals.
  • People can hear a smile. I may have the worst migraine and little to no sleep, but I will be smiling. It makes your day so much better. Life is hard; the last thing we need is to make it worse with a bad attitude and a frown on our face. Just keep smiling!
  • Don’t be afraid to say yes.
  • Progress is the killer of success.
  • Hard work beats talent.
  • Retire early.
  • Make a ton of money.
  • Love what you do.
  • Take it all in and prioritize my well-being.
  • Accept feedback and criticism.
  • Avoid being paralyzed by fear.
  • Set goals.
  • Focus on your own position.
  • Never let your mistakes define you.
  • Prioritize a work-life balance.
  • Be open to change.
  • Find passion in even the mundane tasks of work.
  • Pay attention to your outward appearance, personal performance, and overall presentability.
  • Be on time. This is paramount to respect and success. Being on time and present at practice, school, work, and any other activity proves that you respect your superiors and yourself.
  • Prepare for retirement early.
  • Strive for excellence in everything you do professionally.
  • Embrace the “work hard, play hard” mentality.
  • “Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back” (SZA).
  • “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”
  • Embrace your uniqueness.
  • How you dress is how people see you. Therefore, at your job, you should use every day to dress your best.
  • Treat every customer like they are the boss undercover.
  • Show a willingness to help and take on tasks, even when I don’t feel like it, and approach my work urgently.
  • Control your face and your emotions.
  • I am replaceable, and many people want my job, so I must always be at my best, no matter the circumstances.
  • When you communicate effectively, it demonstrates to your boss that you are mature, reliable, and capable of working independently.
  • Finding a balance between work and personal life is essential for career success.
  • Be able to accept feedback and take it. This shows open-mindedness and maturity.
  • Be positive, do your job, and do your best.
  • Always strive to be a great employee.
  • Create a meticulous schedule (meaning done perfectly and with great scrutiny towards every element).
  • Do tasks for my boss that they did not ask me to do.
  • Ask myself, “Why not me?”
  • Use every bit of spare time during your workday to your advantage.
  • “Take a gamble that love exists and do a loving act” (Red Dead Redemption 2).
  •  “Sometimes life is like this tunnel; you can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving, you will come to a better place” (Avatar).
  • “After all, tomorrow is another day” (Gone with the Wind).
  • Make sure you make a good first impression.
  • Have good communication skills.
  • Find a job you will enjoy.
  • Do not compare yourself to others.
  • If you say you will do something, do it.
  • Contribute your best efforts to every project.
  • Maintain a positive and healthy work environment.
  • Find a true passion for what you do.
  • Plan things before you do them, stay organized, and remain focused on the task.
  • Never doubt themselves in anything that they do, no matter what.
  • Show and do my best no matter what the situation is.
  • Make sure I have everything ready for the next day.
  • Even a bad day can be turned around and flipped upside down.
  • Never let someone else get me down because of their bad attitude.
  • Understand that your strengths in the workforce is key for both personal growth and professional accomplishment.
  • When searching for a career, being flexible opens opportunities, unlocks new skill sets, and can sometimes provide an outlook on professional approaches to situations.
  • Why not learn different skills, such as electrical work, plumbing, people skills, technology, etc., even though this might not be your career choice? Growing your knowledge of many skills helps expand opportunities.
  • Make meaningful connections; this is especially important because, like professional flexibility, relationships often open doors to opportunities that are not advertised or widely known.
  • There is no shame in asking for help; it’s how we learn and grow.
  • Developing a solid work ethic benefits my education and leaves a lasting impression on professors, employers, and peers.
  • Always tell the truth.
  • Take initiative, even when it’s not explicitly required.
  • Have a good work ethic.
  • Find a job that pays well.
  • Do what you love; this is crucial.
  • Arrive on time; this is vital for a job as it shows a good work ethic and desire to work. Showing up late not only indicates a poor work ethic but also shows a lack of responsibility. Get to your job ten to twenty minutes early. This has helped me never be late for work.
  • Don’t have your nose glued to your phone. It looks bad on you and is destructive to the company. I started using this perspective at my job and avoided using my phone in front of customers to save the company’s reputation. This advice can help students understand that what you do at your job also reflects your company.
  • Steve Jobs once said, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do” (Jobs).
  • Make sure I am always the first one there and the last one to leave.
  • Work smarter, not harder.
  • Always put pride in everything I do.
  • Do not jump into anything right away; you have time to consider, so take your time.
  • Try to find something with a happy pay medium and personal fulfillment.
  • Do NOT let a paycheck decide your future.
  • In taking time to learn more about yourself and explore the different aspects of different careers, you can set yourself up to succeed in an environment that you have selected based on your knowledge of yourself.
  • Talk through demanding situations.
  • Work efficiently and effectively.
  • Prioritize work first.
  • “Pain creates memory.”
  • “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
  • “If those other dummies can do it, so can you.” If you won’t believe in yourself, no one can believe in you. So quit being a normal ‘dummy’ and go be the better you. The you that achieves your dreams and goals without fear.
  •  “The only thing you can control is your attitude and your effort, and the only people you need are your family and God; those are the constant things in your life.”
  • If my attitude is preset on being negative and I am already doubting my intelligence, I have just set the stage for myself to fail.
  • Work every day like people are lined up for your position.
  • Be the employee you would love to have on your team if you were a business owner.
  • Pursue the career that I truly desire. A career worth having will serve the spirit.
  • Prepare for interviews ahead of time by preparing questions, showing up early, and being put together.
  • Continue to work hard and push for more.
  • Every one of us only has ourselves; nobody else will wake up looking through your eyes, feeling with your heart, or cuddling with your teddy bear…hopefully. Live your life for you.
  • Work to live. Do not live to work. Your entire life cannot revolve around your job. Work to earn money so you can live. Do not live a lifestyle that solely centers around your job.
  • Find a job I love.
  • Show up to work prepared punctually.
  • Resist the criticism of those who do not have your best interests at heart. Value and accept the criticism of those who do have your best interests at heart.
  • Cultivate professional relationships. It’s important to know who you surround yourself with. The people around you can change your life completely, so choose wisely.
  • Maintain perseverance and passion in my chosen field.
  • It is crucial to surround oneself with individual friends or mentors who encourage growth and display no envy.
  • “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.” – Calvin Coolidge.
  • Discipline and respect are key to success. Be considerate of how your actions impact other people.
  • Discipline is still showing respect when you are disrespected. Other people show their character by how they act, and having discipline is keeping your character the same when you are disrespected.
  • Life is hard; get a helmet.
  • Let go or be dragged down. People will always do things that hurt you or something that you would never do to them, but you must realize that they chose to do that, not you. You must rise above and let it go.
  • “People think of education as something they can finish.”
  • “No one is coming to save you.”
  • “The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart.”
  • Show up early.
  • Explore opportunities.
  • Find a work/life balance from personal experience or the lives of people I hope to mirror.
  • At an interview, be mindful of your mannerisms, words, and how you dress. The employer does not know you yet so that they will judge based on the first impression.
  • Understanding a company’s values can help answer questions like “How would you best fit in this role?” or “Why would you be good for this job?”
  • Always value your time over money.
  • Get out of your comfort zone to learn new things.
  • Do something you love if you must do it 40 hours a week.
  • Kindness and compromise will take you a long way.
  • Work hard and compete, and you will be successful in life.
  • Never be afraid to chase your dreams.
  • Always be confident.
  • Set goals on how to measure your success.
  • Learn to forgive your mistakes. Learning from your mistakes gives you the opportunity for self-reflection.
  • Always give one hundred and ten percent and work hard at the task you receive.
  • Always treat your employer with respect, and they will respect you.
  • Pick something I love doing and make good money while doing it.
  • Start work at a young age.
  • Participate in continuous learning.
  • Good integrity is the best way to build trust in any profession.
  • Practice interviews.
  • Be persistent in getting your prospective employer’s attention. After applying, send follow-up calls to ensure the hiring manager knows your name and confirms that they will check your application. Two weeks of applications and calls and eventually a walk-in got me an interview and the job all on the same day.
  • Review and adhere to policy. Ignore anyone who tells you, “Oh, we don’t have to do that,” because they will never be promoted to anything more than a base-level employee. Read and ask questions to best understand the company you work for and its specific ways of working.
  • Show up and express yourself to others.
  • Show up early.
  • Have all your equipment.
  • Be friendly to others.
  • Be aware of how you hold yourself on the field and in the dugout.
  • Work Ethics involves what you do behind the scenes, such as working extra hours and doing the right thing when no one is there to hold you accountable.
  • Work Ethics are something you should never be satisfied with.
  • Dress to impress.
  • Find purpose in what I do.
  • Always do my best.
  • Never expect perfection from any job.
  • Keep your work life and personal life separate.
  • Find your why in the job. Remember why you wanted this, and when you feel like giving up, go back to that reason.
  • Work harder than everyone else because having a good work ethic is key to gaining
  • respect from others.
  • Choose a career path that aligns with your passions and interests.
  • Do not let the fear of failing stop you from pursuing your hopes and dreams.
  • Treat others how you want to be treated.
  • Pursue your calling, even if it pushes you out of your comfort zone.
  • Be a thermostat, not a thermometer. Like a thermostat, you can change the temperature of a room, but don’t be a thermometer and let the room’s temperature change you. My attitude can change a room; I am a thermostat.
  • No matter what others say or do, how I respond is the only thing that matters.
  • Choose a career that means something to you; it should be based on your passions.
  • Keep learning something new and try making yourself look better than other candidates.
  • Your resume should highlight your strengths and weaknesses and have good references.
  • Be open to change.
  • Develop soft skills.
  • Track achievements that have proven relevant to life and beneficial for a career.
  • Clear and effective communication promotes collaboration and correctly transfers ideas and goals between people.
  • Seek regular feedback and reflect on past experiences.
  • Maintain a healthy work-life balance.
  • Seek continuous learning.
  • Learn from past failures.
  • Proper preparation prevents poor performance.
  • Grit is a common component in the lives of some of the most successful people in athletics and beyond. Grit can be defined as “never giving up, grinding through adversity, finding a way to make it happen, and not leaning into excuses.”
  • Nothing can replace good ol’ sweat equity and earning opportunity the old-fashioned way, which is outworking everybody else. I may not be the most gifted or the most talented, and that’s ok, but there’s never an excuse to be outworked.
  • “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
  • “If you love what you do you’ll never work a day in your life.”
  •  “Learn to love to practice” and “fall in love with the process” of being exceptional.
  • Be as efficient as possible.
  • Volunteer in the industry in which you’d like to work.
  • Be able to get the best grades possible.
  • Say it is not impossible and set about making it happen.
  • Be punctual.
  • Work hard and give your best effort.
  • Maintain integrity and a strong character.
  • Always be knowledgeable about the company or organization that you wish to work for.
  • Understand that honesty is key.
  • The connections I make will get me ahead of the game.
  • Learn to think on your feet.
  • Prepare for anything that can be thrown your way.
  • Pay attention to detail.
  • Do the work with silent integrity.
  • Willingness over capability, because everyone is capable, but not everyone is willing.
  • If you don’t believe you are something or at least have the potential to be, no one will.
  • You have to be a champion before you get to become a champion.
  • “One cannot teach unless he himself is still learning.”- Confucius.
  • “If money didn’t exist, what would you do with your day?” Some folks would say something similar to “sit around and play video games all day.” Don’t be that person. How would you contribute to society? To Nature? To your family/community? Take whatever it is and pursue a career with it. I’d garden and raise animals and live self-sufficiently.
  • Be willing to go the extra mile to validate yourself and set yourself apart from your competition.
  • Finish school.
  • Go to trade school or take the college route.
  • Live the life of your dreams.
  • Never depend on anybody else.
  • Pick a career that genuinely makes me happy and causes me to want to get out of bed in the morning.
  • Don’t be a know-it-all. Be humble. You can always learn; never stop learning.
  • Have a good work ethic, don’t procrastinate.
  • You will get out of it what you put into it.
  • Use proper language.
  • Dress appropriately.
  • Have a positive attitude.
  • Setting goals is an excellent approach to creating clear, realistic expectations that assist in staying focused on what is essential.
  • When creating your goals, consider these questions: are my goals specific, realistic, measurable, and relevant? Asking yourself these questions when creating goals is essential for providing direction. Specific goals clearly outline what you want to achieve. Realistic goals are achievable within your time frame. Measurable goals give a way to track your progress. Relevant goals ensure alignment with your overall objective.
  • Leaving your comfort zone fosters personal growth by pushing you to adapt to new situations, build resilience, and learn new things.
  • Give your all when you are able.
  • Get out of your comfort zone and take a risk even if you are unsure of the outcome.
  • Take breaks.
  • When you do uncomfortable things, you show yourself and others that you can do anything, and that determination is the key to ultimate success.
  • Actively embody, with intent, the qualities and outcomes I desire.
  • If I seek workplace recognition, I need to produce notable work. If I want respect, I must extend respect to others.
  • My grandmother would encourage me to read and reflect on a particular Bible verse. She would say, “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you” (Philippians 4:13, King James).
  • Be a champion for those who cannot be champions for themselves.
  • “Having over-the-top positive nice feedback can harm your performance, it can make it very difficult for you to climb up, difficult to kind of know where you stand, what you should do better, what you should stop doing, but can also damage people in ways that we often don’t think about. It can affect their reputations outside of the interaction context” (Tessa West – TEDx).
  • Building a successful path requires discovering your passion, which proves difficult yet necessary for creating effective path-building strategies.
  • Let go of uncertainty and fear.
  • A strong foundation of knowledge and critical thinking skills is essential to stand out among other candidates. These qualities provide an edge in securing opportunities in competitive fields.
  • When you prioritize learning and personal growth, your professional success becomes achievable and enables potential opportunities that have been impossible before.
  • Just do it. Continue moving ahead by taking purposeful steps.
  • Learn to play the long game in life. Playing the long game in life is one of the most important pieces of advice because it inspires a mindset rooted in patience and resilience.
  • Prioritize actions that align with my overall goals in life rather than falling into distractions and temporary pleasures.
  • “Listen more than you talk. Nobody learned anything by hearing themselves speak” (Richard Branson).
  • Surround myself with the right people who inspire and challenge me. You are who you surround yourself with, the people in your life influence your actions and mindset.
  • Is what I’m doing today getting me closer to where I want to be tomorrow?
  • Find a career that will help you change the world, not just your financial situation.
  • “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough” (Oprah Winfrey).
  • Be prepared. Have everything ready to go versus running back and forth to grab things. This reassures my clients that I am professional at my job, increasing the likelihood of them becoming repeat clients.
  • Being prepared gives me those extra couple minutes I may not have had otherwise, ensuring I do my best work.
  • Understand the importance of teamwork. Cooperating improved our work relationships and helped the company continue to grow.
  • Speak up. Advocating for myself or someone else, whether expressing my ideas, setting boundaries, or asking for help, is often a key to success.
  • Always keep learning.
  • Be open to feedback and criticism. Receiving feedback is a part of every aspect of life, whether it is good or bad. What you do with that information can shape you and help you grow into a respected employee and, maybe one day, a respected employer.
  • Speak up.
  • Consistency shows dedication and effort.
  • Asking for help does not show that you are incapable; it does the opposite. It shows that you have the courage and determination to learn.
  • If you truly want it, you can achieve it.
  • Stay accountable for your actions.
  • Prioritize tasks and continuously try to learn.
  • Set clear goals.
  • Celebrate the big and the small wins.
  • A hand-up is not a handout. “There is no such thing as a self-made man. You will reach your goals only with the help of others” (George Shinn).
  • Take things one step at a time.
  • Love what I do and know when to move on from a position that is not fulfilling anymore.
  • No job is insignificant; respect every title.
  • Find the job that best suits you.
  • Do what makes you happy. Other people’s opinions should never stop you from doing what you love.
  • Never give up when things get too harsh, hard, or challenging.
  • We would not value where we are and how we have developed ourselves if we had all lived without adversity. I would not see myself as a kind, compassionate person who wants to help people around me if I had not experienced some life-altering events and setbacks.
  • Do not be afraid to ask, whether it is asking questions or asking for help.
  • Keep an open mind and be willing to learn because you won’t always know everything.
  • You are never too old to start or start over.
  • Life is always changing. Count on that, no matter what. Be willing to learn and change to keep up.
  • Focus on progress rather than perfection.
  • Embrace lifelong learning to stay adaptable and innovative. This means continuously seeking new knowledge and skills throughout your professional life. This approach is crucial in today’s fast-paced society, where businesses constantly evolve.
  • Take care of your well-being to maintain energy and motivation. This can sustain energy and enthusiasm for careers, leading to long-term success and fulfillment while maintaining a balanced home life.
  • Build a strong professional network. This is crucial. It can help you by opening doors to new opportunities and providing support during challenging times at work, ensuring you are never alone in your journey.
  • When not preoccupied with achieving perfection, you are more inclined to take risks and explore new methods.
  • The journey is just as important as the destination, and with the right mindset and support, you can navigate your career path with confidence and resilience.
  • Develop skills that can be used in different careers.
  • Explore your passion.
  • Recognize that a job is something you tolerate, and a career is something you love.
  • Do not settle. Life is too short to do a job you hate and do not have a passion for just for the sake of a job.
  • Show up early and leave late.
  • Dress for the job you want in the future. You only get one shot at a first impression.
  • Network.
  • Know myself and be confident.
  • Have an excellent work ethic and skills.
  • You can’t pour from an empty cup.
  • Be like a rubber band and flex. If you can go with the flow, you will be a desired employee.
  • Be a lifelong learner.
  • Show your potential every day.
  • Leave your problems at home.
  • Always be willing to learn and grow continually.
  • Find a mentor.
  • Focus on the 3 D’s: dedication, devotion, and discipline.
  • Be dedicated to goals, professionally and personally. Reach them by keeping them at the forefront. Write them down on sticky notes and place them where they are visible daily.

“Hair As Silver As the Moon” … And Other Comments Regarding Comp II

“My Soul” – written by a Comp II student – Spring 2024

I always found it difficult to understand people who were so enthralled in their passion because I could not relate. Passion was not exactly something that came easy to me, and I wasn’t too keen on looking for it in places unfamiliar. However, I had a passion for words and reading and writing once upon a time. It was a proper escape from reality that introduced me to fantasies and worlds unknown where the only limit was my imagination—the power the words could hold and the impact they could bring was a fascinating thing. Yet, the older I grew, the more detached I became from these wondrous stories. The world seemed to lose its color, and the magic of words no longer seemed to impact me. The voices on a page no longer came to life, and my pen no longer sang when I put it against paper. It was as if I was beginning to lose my passion for the things that made me human.

When I walked into the classroom of yet another composition class, I was greeted by my professor, hair as silver as the moon, and an energetic smile that seemed to fill the entire room. I hadn’t had much hope of becoming a strong writer since the first assignment. I was surprised at my grade. I knew I wasn’t a very adept writer, but my grade was lower than expected. To think I had gotten even something as fundamental as the formatting incorrect, “Remove space after paragraph” (Cunningham), my professor wrote. It stung. I was aware of my shortcomings as a writer and seeing it up close felt severely demotivating.

As the weeks went by, I found myself feeling lost in my abilities and drifting farther and farther away from the world of spoken and written. I was surprised at my weaknesses and the thought that the professor had about how I already knew how to formulate an argument because I can converse with people eluded me, and her outlook on writing and arguing clashed with my preconceived notions of communication. The more she spoke, the more enthralled I found myself in the words of my instructor, and I became absorbed once again in the magical world of writing.

The writing process was something I never followed religiously because I just had my way of doing things. I had always absorbed knowledge like a sponge, and I never found it difficult to grasp new concepts and ideas and put them into action. Without knowing the hardship of struggle, I was unable to break through my plateaus as a scholar and truly challenge myself. I became complacent, and it was later reflected in my writing. Now that I’m in college, I’m hitting steeper and steeper walls, and it’s becoming gradually more difficult to pick myself up. Because I had never known struggle early on, I never learned how to learn. I didn’t know what made a good writer. I never received proper criticism for my work until I walked into that classroom.

The lessons were difficult to follow, but as if my professor seemed to understand me, she gradually conditioned me to enjoy writing with the short stories we would read. My preconceived notion that there was little room for learning when reading fiction was completely shattered, and I was taught how to research effectively. My professor made me understand argumentative communication on a deeper level. She said, “We use argument every day. If you know how to talk, you know how to argue” (Cunningham). Although I felt weak as a writer, I felt myself slowly becoming obsessed with bringing my thoughts to life on a page.

Communication is an art, at least my professor stressed it to be. She emphasized the importance of communicating and the skills that followed in arguments. It was as if the body and mind would move as one. Thoughts would connect actions, and actions would connect words to exchange information effectively. She stressed the importance of finding reason in between the words of what is being said. To this, she said, “Once you find the ‘Why’- then, communication can begin. Then, a true argument can occur. But not until then” (Cunningham). It was eye-opening for me, almost like a lightbulb going off in my head.

Within the next weeks, I tried to fully apply myself and really, truly engage in classroom discussions, activities, and exchanges, almost like a child eager to play with his new toys. I tried my best to follow her advice, and the task of writing became less daunting to me. The concept of “if you can speak, you can argue” seemed so simple, yet it was exactly what I needed to break through the mindset that writing was difficult. It took me aback. When I was in high school, my opera director sought to put me at ease, seeing as I had difficulty easing the tension in my throat when I sang. He was professional and precise, like a surgeon of the voice. His voice echoed in the grand auditorium during one of our rehearsal sessions, “You sing like you know you’re going to fail. You’re a strong speaker. Why not sing with that same authority?” (Alvear). I had a breakthrough. Writing and communication, just like music, is an art. And it is through the exchange of information that we can truly connect.

The short stories that we read in class, I think, were one of my favorite reasons for coming to class. I enjoyed hearing everyone’s opinions, and the open discussions that followed were extremely productive. It took a little bit of getting comfortable with speaking to new people, but once I got into it, words, thoughts, and conversations seemed to spark. I was unaware at the time, but those conversations over those short stories assisted us students in honing our communication skills.

A certain thought-provoking story sparked a lasting discussion that seared itself in my mind. The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas. It’s a short story by Ursula K. Le Guin about a utilitarian utopia that criticized the power of the state and capitalism. It brought such fiery conversations among my peers, and it became a popular essay topic within the class. The sense of unease within the class after reading the short story was tangible, and hearing everyone’s thoughts was like music. Through effective communication, I was able to better understand my classmates. Through effective communication, I was able to build lasting connections with scholars I could proudly call my friends.

It takes a certain courage to fully immerse yourself in a passion, to focus on the beautiful self-indulgence of the mind foolishly and wholeheartedly. I thought that to be a strong writer, one must constantly throw themselves toward the pages. Writing, writing, and more writing. But I was wrong. My professor taught me more than just writing. I was taught that to be a good producer of writing, one must also be a good consumer of it. One must learn to understand and digest not just the words on the page but the hidden meaning and intent of the author delivering it, “the A.I.M” (Cunningham), my professor would say. Communication is a two-way street. Being talked at is not communicating, and vice versa. I was too weak to understand at first that her critique was for my good. I don’t think I would have had such a positive experience had I learned from a different instructor. There’s a fear in me that had I not learned from this professor, my love and passion for writing, for art, for music, for my soul would have withered and died. I am forever grateful for such a wonderful experience.

Emotions felt more and more difficult for me to feel as the days went on. Everything started to feel the same, nothing new, nothing to look forward to, and nothing waiting for me when I finished with my day. My world was a morbid lens of monochrome, and the things that once enraptured me soon slowly began to chip away at my sanity. Every. Single. Day. Became monotonous, and I slowly felt myself slipping away from the things that made me human. No music could soothe my soul. No words could ease my anxiety. The only thing keeping me together was my school routine. I dreaded coming to class, yet my professor would greet me every day with a smile. As abrasive as I am, I didn’t want to admit at the time that that class had grown on me. Everyone showed concern for me whenever I didn’t show up. Everyone asked how I was doing. I was met with “good mornings” and several other greetings. For the first time in a long time, I felt warmth. I felt at home.

This semester has been a test for me, and not just my patience, but my growth as a person especially. There were many trials and tribulations that I had to conquer, and mindlessly going about my day like a husk of a man wasn’t getting me anywhere. The passion that I had for reading, writing, music, and art that I thought had been snuffed out long ago had been rekindled by such a radiant atmosphere. I truly felt at home there. I didn’t want to leave. Most days, I would have been completely fine with just existing and being around everyone. This isn’t even about the assignment anymore. I just cannot contain my emotions as I type this out.

For someone who was a loner and weak, I was shown kindness and warmth by the people around me, and for that, I am forever thankful. I understand that I have strayed severely from the topic of this assignment. I understand that what I am doing could be punishable by the docking of points. But why must I limit my emotions any longer? I don’t want to hold myself back from the things I want to feel and the things I want to say. I want to thank you so much for being there for me. I want to thank you so much for trying to understand me as a person. Without you, I don’t think I could have picked myself back up. You taught me more than just writing skills, more than just communication skills. You taught me how to love myself again and to strive to be better. Mrs. Cunningham, thank you for everything.

Works Cited

Alvear, Joe. Opera Rehearsal Session. March 2021

Cunningham, Dacia. “Essay #1 – Details are Important.” ENGL1213, 8 February 2024, Tulsa Community College

Cunningham, Dacia. “Defining Argument And The Most Dangerous Game.” ENGL1213, 20 January 2024, Tulsa Community College

Cunningham, Dacia. “Writing Tips And Tricks.” ENGL 1213, 11 December 2023, Tulsa Community College

Speaking in Questions … Ugh. But You Know What … Let Them.

This trendy new speech pattern that many young women and some men have adopted and have conformed to in the last couple of years is making my brain hurt. Ending most sentences in a manner that sounds like the sentence is a question makes me want to disregard everything that comes out of those individuals’ mouths. These people, with their upturned tones at the end of sentences, sound timid, like they are unsure of what they’re talking about – and I do not understand why anyone would do this damage to the way that others perceive them – probably they do not understand that it is damaging their professional image – that it makes them sound ineffective, unsure, insecure, without information, and unreliable – if not to their own generation, but to older generations who do matter and to those in their own generation who understand the viability of nonverbal language. I’m watching the news right now, and a woman who is clearly close to my age is speaking in that manner (she’s a celebrity reporter – insert a roll of the eyes), and I cannot take her seriously.

I hear students and younger-than-me educators talk like this. It permeates most places I go. These individuals sound like they are unsure whether what they are saying is true or factual. My thoughts here are not unfounded.

Nonverbal research proves that 90% of communication is, in fact, nonverbal. With 38% being tone of voice. In the article “How Much of Communication is Nonverbal?” by The University of Texas – Permian Basin, this information is discussed. “According to the 55/38/7 formula, nearly 40% of a person’s attitude is conveyed vocally through tone and inflection, so try to ensure that your tone matches whatever message you’re trying to convey. You can also try speaking in a deeper voice. Research has shown that people who speak with a low-pitched voice are rated more authoritative and competent than those who speak with a higher pitch.” This is not the only research study regarding these statistics or this fact-based information. There are innumerable studies online conducted by a vast array of researchers – and the studies come to the same conclusions. The Social Skills Center in the article “Why Your Tone of Voice is So Important” says, “Your pitch is how high or low your voice sounds, as well as how it fluctuates during communication. A high-pitched voice can sound immature or uncertain; in contrast, a low-pitched voice generally is interpreted as serious and authoritative. Additionally, the way pitch fluctuates throughout a conversation can affect the way it is interpreted, such as how when pitch suddenly grows high at the end of a sentence, it generally means the speaker is asking a question.” – Asking a question because they are unsure of their message! They are not confident, and it is evident in their nonverbals, which they are unaware of – and that starts another conversation. It is imperative to be aware of your nonverbals! Imperative.

After consideration, I have come to this conclusion – Let them. Let them speak that way. Let them be unaware of their nonverbals. Let them not consider their tone of voice. Those of us who are bothered by vocal trends, like the valley-girl trend of the 80s, who understand the importance of tone in Nonverbal language will continue to move toward serious and confident exchanges. I will continue to use the tone of my voice to espouse confidence and intelligence, and I will sound like I know what I’m talking about. This is scientific study-based, not just my irritated-by-the-trend opinion. Now … I will continue to address this in my classrooms when we discuss job skills … but anyone else … “Let Them” will be my approach.

Thank you to Mel Robbins and the “Let Them Theory” for helping me to state my opinion, but then to also … Let it go.

{Neither of my Gen Z daughters talks in questions – and I am PROUD of my nonconformist daughters who do their own thing – even with their speech patterns!}

The Antithesis of Critical Thought – A Battle Worth Fighting

“They should all be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.”

These words, which I read on a social media post thread in the Fall of 2020, will never leave my head; they are etched there for all of the time I have left on this earth. They were written in response to anti-vaxxers choosing not to get the vaccine. The individuals in that conversation appear to believe that the world would be a better place if all those who did not get a C*V*D vaccine were killed off. THEN … the “good” people could get on with their lives.

Am I the only one who sees a lack of logic here?

I’m a Composition Professor, and my job is to teach Critical Thinking skills (the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action. In its exemplary form, it is based on universal intellectual values that transcend subject matter divisions: clarity, accuracy, precision, consistency, relevance, sound evidence, good reasons, depth, breadth, and fairness. – The Foundation for Critical Thinking). These wildly partisan and close-minded, even hate-filled, words – “They should all be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.” – were on a social media post written by an individual who also is a Professor whose job is to teach Critical Thinking skills in higher education. I find it beyond concerning that a person who is to teach students to not only think for themselves but also to question ideas and information and to write strong arguments can be of such an opinion, which is, in and of itself, the antithesis of critical thinking. (An Argument, in the manner used in Composition courses, is a statement or set of statements that you use in order to try to convince people that your opinion about something is correct. – Collins Dictionary.)

Common Sense (sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts – Merriam-Webster) states that if there are two sides to an issue and the side with the stronger amount of power goes ahead and kills off the faction with a differing viewpoint – within a short period of time, there again will arise an issue on which that remaining group of “good” people will find themselves disagreeing. Will the group in power apply the same “logic” as before? “They should all be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.” It follows with that type of initial “thinking” that yes, again, the population gets halved. And so on and so forth.

Is this a Slippery Slope Logical fallacy (a course of action that seems to lead inevitably from one action or result to another with unintended consequences – Merriam-Webster)? Or is it straight common sense? I shouldn’t have to ask because the statement that started the conversation is without a shred of actual logic or critical thought but, rather it contains emotion and lack of consideration for opposing perspectives, including ‘science’ which contains evidence to the contrary regarding vaccines that people in power silenced and called disinformation. Why? Ah, there’s that beautiful word – Why.

True argument and strong critical thinking begin with an acknowledgment that people hold different viewpoints – the world around. Not just an acknowledgment but also the willingness to understand the WHY behind the beliefs and ideas of opposing perspectives. WHY is the keyword. Take some time to discover why. Consider other perspectives and why they exist. Think on those based and rooted in experience and fact. Challenge with calmness and rationale those perspectives based on feelings and baseless attempts at argument. These are easy to recognize if you educate yourself, as the curriculum does for my classes, in Rhetorical Devices (a linguistic tool that employs a particular type of sentence structure, sound, or pattern of meaning in order to evoke a particular reaction from an audience. – ThoughtCo), Logical Fallacies (an argument that may sound convincing or true but is actually flawed, leading to an unsupported conclusion. – Scribbr), cognitive dissonance (the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change. – Oxford Languages), confirmation bias (people’s tendency to process information by looking for, or interpreting, information that is consistent with their existing beliefs. – Britannica), and nonverbal language (the act of conveying information without the use of words. Nonverbal communication occurs through facial expressions, gestures, body language, tone of voice, and other physical indications of mood, attitude, approbation, and so forth, some of which may require knowledge of the culture or subculture to understand. – APA Dictionary of Psychology).

In my Comp II classes, the first week begins with a biography of my life and some unique things about me. Then, I have the students tell something unique about themselves. Each one shares. After this sharing time, I stress how different we all are – and that our upbringings, our cultures, and our experiences shape our beliefs and values, and that none of us has had the same set of those – and because of this we will see the world through different eyes. I talk about how that should be exciting to us … It should entice us to talk to one another in an effort to understand the WHY behind beliefs and ideas, thus giving us an opportunity to learn and to grow and strengthen our own ideas. Then, I address how, unfortunately, we, the citizens of this spinning globe, gravitate only toward those whose thinking is similar to our own, and we are comfortable deciding that any person who has a different set of values or beliefs is wrong – and, in the case of the social media post on a colleague’s page – those with differing ideas should die off – seeing as only people who look like us and think like us could in any way be “good.” I tell my classes that we will rise above the emotion-based dramatic nature of ‘cancel’ culture (the practice or tendency of engaging in mass canceling as a way of expressing disapproval and exerting social pressure – Merriam-Webster), and we will remember that we are all different in beautiful ways, and it is a good thing that we see life from opposing perspectives and that we have the opportunity to look at life with a broader understanding of how small each of us is in the scheme of things, to know that there are bigger things than us at play in this world. In truth, we need each other. We need different ideas and perspectives if we want to … well, that starts me down another conversation, which I choose to reserve for another post.

In my classes, after the groundwork is laid for how to participate in true arguments and be critical thinkers, we discuss how being open to the ideas of others and being able to incorporate opposing perspectives into our arguments pushes us to understand where someone else is coming from, and how it also forces you to understand your own beliefs and WHY you hold the viewpoints that you do. Are your ideas based on assumptions, biases, and/or logical fallacy? Are they because your Momma and Daddy taught you to believe that way? Are they because CNN or FOX told you to believe it? Did you pick those ideas up at your church? Watching a TV preacher? Did your college professor fill your head with those ideas? Or do you have true facts, indisputable and verifiable from trustworthy sources – drawn from research that you yourself have conducted and weighed with logic and common sense sans emotional reactions? Where do the ‘facts’ come from? What are the motivations or beliefs of the sharers of those ‘facts’? Do not just believe what you read and what you are told. Deep dive into information on which you feel compelled to assert an opinion. On a consistent basis, I tell my students to listen in class but not to 100% take my word for it on multiple subjects. I tell them to research the information for themselves. Know why you believe what you believe. Know it.

Recently, a student questioned (outside of class) the source of some statistical data regarding a topic I shared in class. Information I shared with a desire for the students to apply critical thought to the matter – to look up information for themselves. The student wanted to use my information, though, for a research paper in another course. My source for that particular data was one I felt certain another professor might disregard due to political affiliation, so I dug in and assisted the student in locating information in that same vein from a Yale University-based study, which would be a more acceptable source of statistical data for a paper in that professor’s course – being that it was an Academic resource, not a news media source. Be willing to dive beyond depths of comfort and like-minded resources in making an argument. Using data from sources that the opposing perspective will trust or the ‘reader’ will trust is essential. In order to accomplish this, it is incumbent on the arguer to take time with research and knowledge. Think. Know why you believe what you believe and be able to back it up. I digress …

We are able, in class, to discuss topics like racism, consent, and politics because we establish uniqueness and common ground before stepping into ‘arguments.’ We research and bring information to the table, and we hold discussions in the classroom and in discussion threads online – maintaining respect for one another in the midst of disagreement and diversity. I insist on this – and by taking the time to lay the groundwork – this happens on a consistent basis. Most of the time, eyes open, new ideas form, and students find themselves growing in unexpected ways. If I can lead them toward critical thinking – using the rhetorical devices logos and ethos above pathos (Logos appeals to the audience’s reason, building up logical arguments. Ethos appeals to the speaker’s status or authority, making the audience more likely to trust them. Pathos appeals to the emotions, trying to make the audience feel angry or sympathetic – Scribbr) – then I accomplish a worthy feat. Pathos is important, but it is deceiving and manipulative if we get the prettified use of it in ‘argument’ in politics, religion, sales, and law … logical fallacies, cognitive dissonance, and confirmation bias abound.

Every semester, I tell stories. Lots of stories. My life is a playbook of lessons for others in the realms of critical thinking and communication skills. How not to do this. How not to do that. This is what happened when. You know, life events that brought me to this passionate space regarding communication and argument and seeking truth in a sea of serpents and chaotic drama. One particular story I tell every time I discuss the definition of argument and one of its foundational steps is about my daughters, who at this time are 26 and 24. This event occurred 10 years ago when they were 16 and 14, teenagers who knew more than me. Insert a smirk.

It was a sunny day … how’s that for a beginning? I do not remember if it was a sunny day, but I was cooking dinner. In my space, the kitchen. My domain where I stood most days fixing dinner for my family. The 16 and 14-year-old daughters-o-mine enter the kitchen, bringing their fight with them. We will not use the word argument, because this was in no way a true argument. It was emotion-packed – angry and self-seeking – and neither girl was listening (different from hearing – “In their definitions alone, it’s clear to see the big difference between the two. Listening requires attention, meaning it’s active. Hearing is passive — you can’t close your ears, so sounds will enter and be heard. This makes it involuntary.” – University of the People) to a word the other actually said.

“Mom, she ….”

“Mom, she …”

Back and forth they went, both trying to score Mom’s approval – to win the fight. My focus was on dinner, not on their inability to communicate with one another on a semi-rational level, and their mess of need for winning caused my concentration on the task in front of me which included chicken and seasonings to get off track. I turned around, spice jar in hand, and in a calm voice said, “That’s it. You’re neither one loving your neighbor as yourself.” I stared at them. Looking at one and then the other.

Silence. They looked at me. They looked at each other.

The fight was over … they had common ground.

Mom is crazy. 

They left the kitchen, no longer fighting, and I returned to making their dinner. Sheesh, people.

Common ground (a foundation of common interest or comprehension, as in a social relationship or a discussion. – Dictionary.com). It is a beautiful place to be, and we only get there by listening to the perspective of others, asking great questions like WHY, and drawing conclusions rooted in commonalities and solutions. Another way to put this is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Am I right? You want others to listen to you and to consider your thoughts, ideas, and opinions. So, likewise, listen to theirs. It’s not complicated.

I write this with the hope that one person will stop and think about the Why as they walk through their day encountering differing perspectives. Ideally, a movement of people who think for themselves would be fantastic … alas, this world and the status of it does not give me that much hope. Always at war. Here or there. Always fighting. Pointing fingers. Selfishness. Narcissism. Me, me, me, me. Dehumanization. Not seeing the value in others beyond being stepping stones to our own desires. You know … the “good” people getting on with their lives.

It won’t stop me, though. I will be an advocate for true argument, for critical thought, for considering the “Why,” for asking questions, for great conversations, for … peace.

I do not push my own politics on students. I strive to teach them to THINK FOR THEMSELVES because I do not want any of them to be sheeple (people who copy what other people do or believe what they are told and do not think for themselves. Sheeple is a combination of the words sheep and people. – Cambridge Dictionary). I have to do this, must do this, because there are those in my career field who preach the exact opposite from their podiums. They embrace cancel culture and indoctrination of masses of students into their own political ideologies. They say things like, “They should all be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives.” Not only them but the news media, politicians, and some preachers are all set on telling people what to believe, and they do it in ways they know people will not question. CNN reported it; it must be true. FOX showed a picture of the breaking scene; it must be accurate. To this, I sigh, and I share here a quote I have in my Comp II syllabus. The portion in blue is what my syllabus holds, but the entire quote is appropriate to this discussion. Too often, “we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.” ~ JFK

“The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie–deliberate, contrived, and dishonest–but the myth–persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic. Too often we hold fast to the cliches of our forebears. We subject all facts to a prefabricated set of interpretations. We enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.” – John F. Kennedy – Commencement Address at Yale University, June 11, 1962

It’s a battle worth fighting.

Student Engagement is Simple

It baffles my brain when meetings are held, books are written, and discussions are had on how to engage students. Student engagement is easier than it is made out to be. It is quite simple – well, it should and can be. This will be a short post because I have straightforward and uncomplicated things to say.

How to Engage Students:

  • Be passionate about your subject.
  • Relate your subject to their lives.
  • Tell them HOW your subject has impacted your own life.

Be passionate about your subject – I have been a student and am now a Professor, and it has been my experience that many who teach are not passionate about their subjects. I have never understood this, and I sit in meetings and listen to the topic expounded upon, and internally I scream, “Be passionate about what you teach! Students will listen if you care about what you’re telling them!” I know this because I teach (of all things – English), and my students are eyes forward and engaged through entire class periods. Semester after semester. Year after year. This is not bragging – this is stating the truth. I am passionate about what I teach – and the students know it – and they respond to it. Now, I did “cut my teeth” teaching at a trade school – an environment where just about every student said, “Why do I need an English class? I’m an HVAC (or welding, plumbing, building maintenance, electrical, medical assistant, etc…) student. I don’t need this.” They had their minds set on hating my class. Our classes in trade school environments were capped at 30, and most semesters, I had 30 students in each class (sometimes seven classes per term) who despised taking an “English” class. Quickly I discovered that if I was passionate about the subject (and the next three things I’m going to discuss), my students listened, and they not only listened, they learned and they changed.

Relate your subject to their lives – #RealityPedagogy (Thank you to my education guru, Christopher Emdin). Every semester one of the first things I tell Comp students is that my class has the potential to teach them how to make money and keep that money – no matter who they are or where they come from. My class has the potential to change their lives. With confidence, I say this because I see what we do (Literary Analysis, Rhetorical Analysis, Learning Critical Thinking Skills, and Persuasive Argument) as soft skills training. Recently I watched a video that complained about soft skills being called “Soft Skills” – it was stated they should be “Human Skills.” Whatever they are called so as to not ‘offend’ by a title, the truth remains that communication skills showcase emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence is vital to success in life. I share the article “Hire for Attitude” by Dan Schwabel – published in Forbes – with my students. It shares the statistic (with evidence to back up the claim) that 80% of the time, people are fired or quit because of a lack of emotional intelligence/soft skills. Comp classes teach (SHOULD teach) people how to think critically, be persuasive, and communicate – all part of the soft skills arena. I make this very clear to students on day 1. They want to learn when it relates to money and their success …

Tell them HOW your subject has impacted your own life. Use personal experience to back up your claims! This is argumentation skills 101. There is no need to tell whole life stories, but use examples of how impactful your subject has been on your own life as well as the lives of others. I do not need to expound on this. Stories sell.

These are not complicated ideas, nor are they difficult to enact IF you are passionate about your subject. Which brings me to wonder, why do you teach if you have no passion for your subject? If you are reading books and attending seminars on engaging students, the best course of action for you is to take a deep look at yourself. Are you passionate about what you teach? Do you truly believe in the power and necessity of your subject? If not … you should do something else with your life.

There is another thing that baffles my brain while sitting in meetings and listening to faculty talk … plagiarism. This is not something that comes to my classes as an issue – because I create unique assignments, specific assignments, and assignments that require each student’s perspective. The only time I come across plagiarism (running Safe Assign on all final drafts) in the classroom is because commas are in wrong places, quotation marks are used inappropriately, or parenthetical citations need adjusting.

With this, and the above commentary on student engagement, what I know to be true is that both of these ideas require WORK and intentionality on the part of the Professor. There are days after teaching that I go home exhausted because I gave so much of myself to the subject at hand. It is worth it. Every damn time. This WORK (teaching students how to think for themselves and not be persuaded by pathos-laden arguments) is something I am passionate about. This WORK, which I see as a service to humanity, brings me joy, growth, and power in the form of confidence for myself and others! I hear Charlotte Perkins Gilman in my head when I think about what I do … regarding why she wrote “The Yellow Wallpaper” after she struggled with post-partum depression, Charlotte Perkins Gilman wrote, “Then, using the remnants of intelligence that remained, and helped by a wise friend, I cast the noted specialist’s advice to the winds and went to work again – work, the normal life of every human being; work, in which is joy and growth and service, without which one is a pauper and a parasite; ultimately recovering some measure of power” – (Why I Wrote “The Yellow Wallpaper” – Gilman).

It takes WORK to be engaging. It takes WORK to be an effective educator. In all things, do it or don’t. It’s really quite simple. What you value comes through loud and clear – students will see, observe, and respond accordingly.

So, You Need to Be Right? Why?

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The last year and eight months of my life have been blessed beyond my understanding, and I attribute this to God’s grace and wisdom and His gift of my husband, Patrick. In that time, I have learned much about love – some of which I knew for years deep in my soul had to be possible but never thought I deserved (especially because I was told I didn’t deserve it), thinking it was for other, better people. I want to share what I have learned with you, and you’ll read it if you want to consider how to be peaceful in your relationships.

I don’t care what the situation is; fighting wastes time. There is no ‘but’ to that statement. It is what it is. And it is a choice. Fighting stems from one person not getting their way, not feeling respected, insecure, or embarrassed by their partner. Each of those things is emotion-based. Emotions have choice behind them. We choose to remain in feelings. Whether it be anger, frustration, hate, sadness, or embarrassment. It is a choice to remain in any of them. Each of those things is self-focused – not the other person concerned. Remaining in such a state will keep a relationship in turmoil. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about that.

Argument is an altogether different thing from fighting. In argument, there are no harsh words, no name-calling, and no raised voices –no hateful eyes, no drool, no violence. According to the actual definition, an argument is a back-and-forth exchange of ideas in a calm and courteous manner. It is valuing the other person and listening to their thoughts and opinions without chiming in every two seconds or even every minute while speaking to pronounce one’s thoughts and try to be right or “win.” Argument is listening to understand and seeking the best solutions to issues for all parties involved. It is about giving respect – which can NEVER be demanded. It cannot be questioned. It cannot be expected – not for it to be real.

Respect is something earned. It will never come when demanded. Again, that is what it is. Respect is something earned by the maturity of an individual to decide to treat others in kind, efficient, productive, and challenging ways. Not by tearing them down, calling them names, abusing them in any way, playing victim cards, or controlling them. What those bring about is not respect … those things bring fear, anxiety, and hate … that’s what demanding respect creates. Hate. The exact opposite of respect – not to mention love. 

I listen to people fight and think, “what a waste.” It is. A total waste of time – my soul has always known this. I thought this as a child. I felt it during my young adulthood, and I’ve always felt it in work relationships, friendships, and as a mother of fighting children. During a fight, no one truly listens – each person prepares their next diatribe or escape – fight or flight – be louder, be angrier, be violent, get that person’s attention no matter what – WHICH DOES NOT WORK in the way a fighter wants. WIN! No. There are no winners – this is not Boxing or MMA. This is your life. This is your home at stake. Productivity and health do not come from in-fighting in marriages or relationships. I never found value in fighting (the opposite of true argument). It is a waste of time and energy. And … it’s a choice.

Regularly I tell my students that I want them to get the application of this deep in their souls earlier in life than I did. My ENFJ personalitied self wants all people to get this – fighting wastes time, and it is by choice.

You decide how you want to live and how you want to be in relationships. You are responsible for YOU before God in Heaven. Only You. How do YOU treat others? That’s what matters. The world would have you believe you have a right to complain about how others treat you, to get your feathers ruffled because this person upset you or hurt you, that you can feel justified in your anger at another person because they did you wrong somehow. Really. That’s not a question. That’s me saying … really, no. You are responsible for your own damn self, so watch out for pointing your finger at others because those three pointing back at you should remind you that you’re allowing yourself to feel anger built on something inside you. The question is why. What is at the root of that anger? Where is it coming from inside of you? This imperative question is where AA principles come into play. 

We have basic instincts/needs as humans. These include Self-Esteem, Personal Relations, Security, and Ambition. When these are threatened in any way, resentments are born in us. When we hold resentment regarding any event or person, before jumping into a “right” to destroy said person or event, we must question which of these basic human instincts has been ‘affronted’ in us/you, and in that affront, what is your responsibility? Have you been self-seeking, dishonest, fearful? From there, if you hold even a variant of responsibility (which we usually do), ask yourself what the exact nature of your response/responsibility is using the seven deadly sins as a guide: envy, gluttony, greed or avarice, lust, pride, sloth, and wrath. What is happening inside of YOU that needs to be dealt with before you can point fingers at others? AA is about personal responsibility, and that is everything. Your responsibilities. Your choices. How you handle your instincts and the affronts to your instincts. When we don’t look inside ourselves and root out the WHY of our aggressions and the reasons we fight, we will continue to put ourselves before others and be angry.

There is no room for resentment or selfishness (which is a response in direct correlation to resentment born from instincts being attacked/hurt) in marriage. None. There is no room for selfishness in a healthy relationship – that applies to siblings, friends, coworkers, parents, and marriage. The same principles apply across the board. Whenever I talk about these things with anyone, especially in my classes where we discuss communication skills and arguments… it always comes down to one central idea. Love your neighbor as yourself. Treat others the way you want to be treated. To be able to practice these things, taking a deep hard look into your resentments is an important consideration. Understand yourself and why you react and respond the way you do so that you can be better with who YOU are. You have to be good with YOU so you can even begin to be effective in relationships with others. THEN, love your neighbor as yourself and treat others as you want to be treated come into play. Both of those are choices, and they are truly the same idea. Be kind and respectful – to everyone – even yourself.

Before those, though, for true peace and happiness in any relationship comes ‘Love the Lord your God will all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength’ Want to know how to have peace in your marriage and relationships? Get to know God on an intimate level. Read His word. Talk to Him. Meditate.

Romans 12:9-18 comes to mind as an excellent passage to meditate on.

“9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Patrick always says, at the end of the day, ask yourself if you’re comfortable in your own skin – are you good with who you are? I like that, but I want to add this thought … at the end of your life, when you stand before God, you are responsible for yourself alone. Your choices. Your responses. How you CHOSE to live your life. This life will not be long. It passes fast. Our time here is to be spent in good, productive ways, spreading love to people who need love, everyone you encounter. Especially your spouse and close relationships. Why would you waste time?

My husband Patrick and I choose to keep God first in our lives. We both strive to treat one another appropriately – knowing this … Patrick is a child of God, and I am a child of God. Neither of us has the right to tear down, hurt, or denigrate in any way a child of God – i.e., each other. We understand this, and we choose to be devoted to one another. We do not fight. We discuss. We choose peace. Our home is peaceful. That’s not to say that potential divisive things do not arise because they do.

But we VALUE each other more than either of us needs to be “right.”

Maybe you’ve heard me, and maybe you haven’t. Maybe my inclusion of God into the equation puts you off. Sorry, not sorry. He is the answer to all of this – that’s basic. If you are resistant to the addition of God in the equation, all I can do is share my insights and experience based on wisdom, research, teaching ‘argument skills’ to thousands of students, my life’s roller-coaster path, and the goodness of God through it all. If you want to get along with people, learn how to participate in a true argument. This action requires knowing and respecting yourself and your audience before engaging with your audience. It is never about demanding that others respect you or agree with you. Never. You may get a ‘modicum’ of what you’re after because it comes to you based on fear, anxiety, or hate, but it won’t be real. Not true respect. That audience will fight you – even if it is silent and unnoticed by you – hate will grow. And then … BOOM!

It’s all a choice, so be the best version of yourself that you can be.

To tag this at the end, some people are incapable of this critical thinking process. Being in a relationship with them will remain toxic for you and your children if you have them. Here, again, lies another choice. If this is your situation, help does exist. I found a Bible-believing therapist who taught me how to establish boundaries and how to value myself as a Child of God. I took steps to learn healthy means of communication – I made big changes in my life, and now, I am at peace. I chose to walk away from toxicity. I reference Romans 12:18 again, “ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” If it is possible. It is not always possible with some people. You have a choice.