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Bereft

Today I came across ugly words on social media between people I love.  People who have held a spot in my heart in the last twenty years of my life – we went to church together, we did life together, we believed in Jesus together.   We cried together.  We laughed together.  But today … what I read between them, broke my heart.

Anger over the President’s words today – one calling him a dictator for his strong commands to the country’s governors.  The other saying, we need to see the truth of the situation for what it is.  Two opposing sides, but both having professed to love Jesus in my own personal past.  And I sat back stunned at the ugliness of the words in the exchange.

I shouldn’t be stunned though.  That’s humanity.  And bereft of Jesus, that is what we become.  Ugly.

This post was written in June of 2020.

My Picture Isn’t As Pretty As Hers, but the Results are the Keto-Rocks Same!

Since starting Keto, I have not had a single Mr. Goodbar.  As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure by this time, it would taste over-the-moon sweet to me, and I’m not down with that idea despite how often I look longingly at the yellow bars lying near the check-out stands at most every store, convenient or otherwise.  One time I picked it up to inspect the carb content of a single bar … 40g.  There are 40g.  In my 20g of carbs or fewer days of living, there is no way on this planet that I will spend my 20g backward.  I’m like a miser or Scrooge when it comes to spending my carbs wisely.  I like losing weight.  I like how my body feels on this marvelous journey called Keto.  That does not mean that I do not still have some variant of a sweet tooth.  I’ve had to get creative in my spending and tasting.

Fortunately, this lovely woman named Kasey Trenum and her Keto Peanut Butter Mousse both exist.  On Facebook I follow a couple of different Keto groups.  Kasey’s recipes pop up often.  I find them easy and delicious, and this one, in particular, I need to share.  Peanut Butter Mousse … or Fluff … or Fat-Bomb.  Whatever title you want to give it, it satisfies the sweet-craving quick.  It is so rich, I can only eat a couple of spoonfuls at a time, and I find I am fully satisfied.  What started me writing about its awesomeness today was I made myself a small bowl and topped it with some sugar-free Cool Whip.  Have mercy! So delicious.  A total of about 4 carbs for my sweet, little snack.  Well worth the expenditure of carbs today – and I can move on.

Kasey Trenum’s Photo of the Keto Peanut Butter Mousse:

peanut butter fluff in a jar with chocolate chips

My photo of the Peanut Butter Mousse … yes, it’s there under the Cool Whip.

 

Thank you, to Kasey Trenum!  You are a life-saver.  You make Keto great fun to accomplish.   So much yumminess in recipe after recipe.  I’m ever-grateful and satisfied.

Normal in the Best Way

For the first time in a long time, I am classified as “normal.” This is most exciting! Not that being normal in most senses is anything I wish to gain or adhere to. Normal is just not me when it comes to style, literature, taste in men, food, or my ENFJ personality. I’m a bit on the quirky side with my cowboy boots, concert t-shirts, rhinestones, dusters, crazy white hair, flirtatious spirit, love of motorcycles and tattoos, 6600 Instagram pictures, and a hearty, freely-expressed belly laugh. I say, embrace yourself! Be you! Flash the rhinestones and stomp around in those boots! Wear tons of black and red and big silver jewelry! Eat too many spicy pickles! Take a bubble bath every day! Why be normal? Whatever it is, is not for this girl. Except when it comes to BMI.

My Keto journey began mid-January 2020 at 157 pounds. In September 2019, at a doctor appointment for high blood pressure, I weighed in at 167. That concerned me (and my doctor who pointed out it was time to start paying attention to my Mitral-Valve Prolapse). So, I slowed back on the wine consumption and the Diet Dr Pepper intake, dropping 10 pounds slowly between September and January. My boyfriend and I started the Keto journey together in January. It is now May 21, 2020, and I am “NORMAL.” BMI-wise. The only way I’m content to be normal. Well, my heart. That, it’d be great to have normal and not have to take the daily blood pressure pill. Alas …

But, Y’all … I am in the normal BMI range for my height! It has been years since I existed in this range. Didn’t think I could do it. But … Keto works. I’m a meat and salad girl, so it was an easy lifestyle change for me. Here I am today at 137 pounds, wondering about changing my goal weight. It was 135. Well, goodness, I know that’s coming, so … 130? 125? It was 1996 the last time I fell below 130.

My best friends tried to convince me to start Keto for 7 months before I joined the journey. It seemed unattainable and restrictive in some senses. Pizza and wine being the things I was determined to not give up. But, there are pizza options – like a chicken/mozzarella crust with Alfredo sauce and bacon, and there’s a delightful thing at Marco’s Pizza called the Pizza Bowl! And Vodka has 0 carbs. A little Diet Cherry 7up, and you’re gold. What an adventure this path to “Normal” has been! I am grateful to Lana, Jackie, and Mike for their Keto love and partnership. I am grateful to my daughters for their pride in my striving to be healthy. To my parents for their support in my constant barrage of carb content comments every time they suggest a place to eat. I am grateful for bunless hamburgers. Sonic, you are a blessing. And, to the Black Bear Diner, thank you for the Bacon Cheeseburger Salad. Also, the makers of cream cheese and Sprite Zero and to Hershey’s for sugar-free chocolate chips. I cannot leave out Monkfruit or Kasey Trenum’s online Keto recipes!

Normal feels good. My mind is clear. My energy is up. My allergies are controllable. Keto works for this girl. It is a beautiful thing.

Just messaged my Mike and said, “I’m normal!” To which he replied, “I’m not.” He’s my big, bearded and tattooed love. I replied, “You will be!” (Cause we’re not stopping this train!). He then said … “I’m not normal in the head either! Lol.” Right on! I said, “I don’t want you to be!” His Bitmoji said, “Yay!” Lol. Let’s be ABNORMAL together for the WIN! 🤗

Choose to be a Force for Good at Work

Written on March 11, 2015

Watching “Murdoch Mysteries” – my new Netflix crush – and a disgruntled employee stood ranting about his employer not caring about the employees, only caring about the bottom line, and never giving free beer.  “Get in line” was the sentiment to the question “who might want to harm the boss.” I smirked. This show set in the late 1800’s espouses the same, hamster-wheel behavior of the masses of disgruntled employees in today’s world who think their plight is the worst, their workplace to be the gates of Hades, that the boss doesn’t care. I hear it every day and I bite my lip and continue my work, putting on my smile, showing kindness as often as possible, wishing that all folks could understand the simplicity of the simple phrase … Treat others the way you want to be treated.

More than that too … understand the job is not about you. If you want a job to be about you, be self-employed – do your own thing. Try that, but you’ll soon discover, it’s not about you still. Without customer service skills, you’ll soon find you have no customers.  Customer service skills = it’s about the customer. And there it comes back to treat others the way you want to be treated.

Success at work is understanding your roll in the company – that every position is irreplaceable but every person is replaceable. Understand you are replaceable. 

This I’ve seen multiple times as well. People come and go in a workplace – new faces sitting at old desks. It does not have to be thus. It takes each person pulling their own weight, recognizing the role they play in the function of the company and finding pride in whatever that work might be.  It takes …

Stopping the negativity and the gossip.

Pulling your bootstraps up.

Recognizing no workplace is perfect – as they’re all run by humans who are fallible.

Being grateful to have a job.

Understanding work is what we are created to do.

Serving others is the greatest function of mankind.

Grasping this phrase … it’s not about you.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Whenever you are asked whether you can do a thing, you say ‘Certainly I can’ and then set about figuring out how to do it.”

It’s really fairly simple. It’s a choice. Choose to be a force for good or not.

The Page Holds My Secrets

Written on March 12, 2015

The Pages Hold My Secrets

To write fiction is to live in another realm wherein the author’s fantasies, wishes, dreams, daydreams, voices in the mind all roam free – experiencing adventure, romance, triumphant endings, and it’s a win for the author as much as the reader once the words reach them.

I know this because it is my story – my books drip with the essence of my soul, my heart, my mind.

The pages hold my secrets … and my tears.

Where they are hidden, I will not tell (at least not now), but know I am in all of the pages. Every character in some way bears the visage of me or someone in my life or someone I want to know – someone I imagine as a part of my world.

Without time to write, I am not complete because I cannot live well without my dreams.

This is the crux of a great struggle for me – as the wife of a self-employed guy, the mother of six ranging in age from 18 to 7, an all-in full-time employee – I race through my days, fall into my bed exhausted, sit and listen to everyone else’s problems, and I rush, rush, rush … all the while my characters prod me, asking when we’ll get to talk again. They tell me their stories want to be told – that in their stories, my story exists. In their worlds, I am free to live as I desire, to love, to explore, to be.

Allison, Morrison, Danielle, Alice, Adeline – in some way, each is a side of me. Sylvia – you’ve not met her yet. Allison loves books, reading, words, poetry, literature, art, familial relationships, belonging. Morrison flaunts, flits, flirts, flies – embracing with fervor all she desires. Danielle hides the deepest parts of herself, afraid to trust, cautious, anxious – wanting to discover her place in life. Alice longs for freedom and adventure, locked up in herself and a life she let happen to her rather than pursue in her own strength. Adeline – strong, assured, embracing life, always vibrant – the future. In each of these women, I exist. And Sylvia … with Sylvia, there is an exploration into that what could have been part of any woman’s heart nearing middle age.

Within their romantic stories, I can say those things that I, as Dacia, would never say – that I keep bottled inside. That right now I’m bursting to write but do not dare. Fiction, how I appreciate you and need to spend more time with you.

The how.  There is the how. Time for the blog – I find. And I think about why I find it easier to write non-fiction … because in those articles I write about that which moves me politically, educationally, spiritually – and despite their personal nature, they do not strip me bare and expose me. I keep covered … I do not write about the romantic notions that move me. In Allison, Morrison, Danielle, Alice, Danielle, Sylvia … my truest self shows.

A couple of days ago, a friend encouraged me to write my deepest, hardest thoughts inside my non-fiction. I can’t – my response.  Translation, I won’t.

One day. But until that time, my stories speak for me – though you might not guess how  … however, if you tried, I could be tempted by Diet Coke AND good reviews to spill my guts.
My books A Kiss in the Rain, The American Queen, For Love of Words, Not Real and Never Will Be, Fauxpocalypse, Not Your Mother’s Book on Being a Mom, Spirits of St. Louis, can be found at/between www.rockinghorsepublishing.com and Amazon.com. I welcome your thoughts and REVIEWS. Without critique, I do not grow or get more bold.  🙂

Bring on the Chivalry!

Written on March 13, 2015

There is nothing more powerful in being a woman than feminine wiles and the ability to move and motivate men.

It is strength to be a woman, to hold qualities of heart, nurture, intelligence, multiple task coordination, and the great quality of giving time and again of love from replenishing depths. Women are designed to be a compliment to men.

This does not make them unequal as many believe – rather, it sets up roles that work for the betterment of all. I’m not naive in thinking my perspective has the potential to infuriate feminists the world around – and I am fine with that. Take up your cause, I say, and I will continue on my path understanding the amazing gift I possess in being a woman – with characteristics that men simply do not have.

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It makes me sad that so many fight against femininity, and I do not understand how in any way chivalry can be concluded in negative connotations as sexism. Chivalry is kindness, benevolence, an homage to womanhood and femininity – it is beautiful respect, and I revel in it.

Men, not all women are caught up in these inequality rants. There are those of us who understand it takes both sexes to round out the world. Keep opening doors and know there are those of us who will continue to smile at you in grateful, respectful ways that only we can.

http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/03/13/study-opening-doors-women-benevolent-sexism

Career Services Quandry – Biting My Tongue – Sort Of

More than once lately, it has been stated to me that this or that graduate does not want to give the school credit for them finding their own jobs. It’s put me in a reflective mode.
 
When I got my first Bachelor degree, I took 10 courses under 1 professor where I felt I learned nothing … and back in those days, I blamed him. I complained. I stomped. I sat down with the Academic Dean and gave him a piece of my mind. Nothing changed. I was incensed.
 
Then … I became a teacher … and I learned that education and college success are just as much the responsibility of the student as they are the faculty and staff. I tell my students now, that if a book is on the syllabus it is their responsibility to read it – not mine to use it in class. I could go on about how education is on the learner and that the learning environment is just the catalyst, and I could expound more, but I digress back to the first paragraph and continue forward with those thoughts.
 
Students not wanting to ‘give credit’ …
 
It is stated to new students and to students in phases 8, 9, and 10 that it is not the school’s responsibility to get them a job. It is the task of Career Services to assist in the job search – not to guarantee a job.
 
There are no guaranteed jobs. However, welding jobs are more than plentiful. Here in Tulsa and across the country. The board next to my desk only scratches the tip of the surface – and it is on the daily that we – Johnny, Paula, and myself are assisting grads and almost grads with job searches.
 
This office is busy all day with job leads – contacting grads – working to assist graduates with employment searches. We send recommendation letters, update resumes, make phone calls when asked to, we are constantly reaching out to graduates who are not yet placed with job leads. We are pleased to assist and want to do our jobs well … pushing to find those jobs that pay our grads and change lives.
 
Some grads have stated to me that the jobs we offer (we don’t offer jobs – we locate opportunities and hand those out – suggest them as potentialities) do not pay good rates – grads feeling they’re worth more than those companies pay. To this, I state … rates of pay differ across the country as do the different types of welding jobs.
 
It is on the graduate to make their own life happen. If you want that high, high pay … seek it and be highly skilled. Locate the opportunity and have us call the HR place to leave a recommendation for you – either us or an instructor.
 
We are here to help you … as the teachers are here to guide and teach and assist.
 
It is true that there have been graduates who have gone from these halls and walls and not left good impressions behind, and that has hurt opportunities for those coming in their wake.
 
Our office is working to repair those damages and reestablish good communication and lines of work for our coming graduates and those who’ve gone on before and come back to us for assistance.
It is exhausting.  People are exhausting.

A Musical Picture of Me

Tis the way of things that most folks love music .. hence the vast number of songs and artists there are to enjoy. Such variety from classical and Celtic to Rap and Rock. Why is it that we like the music we do, each of us so unique?

Is it the way we are raised that determines what we love? Life experiences? Just inborn taste? I’m going to try to answer this, using myself as the subject of inquiry. Growing up in Oklahoma, I listened to a lot of Country Music … Got a slight thing for Garth Brooks. But this isn’t favorite artists. It’s songs. What are my favorite songs? Those that speak to me or encapsulates me in some way, maybe they shaped me – let’s find out.

What follows is the musical picture of me … romantic, dark, deep, and Heaven bound. The Gothic Romanticist.  My favorite songs, in no determinant order, include (Each has a YouTube Link – cause I like to share – sometimes):

Where is the Love by The Black Eyed Peas. This is my heart. Life … We are here to love each other. That is our task. I love that the BEP’s bring that message in this song! I don’t care who agrees or disagrees. This message is it!

I Wanna Know What Love Is by Foreigner … As a teenager and young romantic adult looking for that one perfect love, this was an anthem for me … I knew that one existed and I looked for him with a Foreigner fervor. 🙂

Alone Again by Dokken … Power ballads are my goto songs.  This one.  Love this one.

Open Arms by Journey  Heart-wrenchingly beautiful.

Bitch by Meredith Brooks… Self explanatory.  I hesitated in posting this song but I love it. I just do. It’s so me. Not that I’m proud that it’s me … but it’s the kind of song you just sing at the top of your lungs.

I Go Crazy by Paul Davis Just.  Just.  ❤

Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill… I wanna hold you til I die, til we both break down and cry. I wanna hold you til the fear in me subsides.  So romantic.

My Jesus by Todd Agnew… Another that speaks my heart, but more, it speaks my soul. No games. Just Jesus. Amen and amen. This song can be offensive, but the cross is offensive, even foolishness, to those who do not grasp the depth of the love of Christ. So be it. I wanna be like my Jesus.

All My Tears by Julie Miller– this song MUST be played at my funeral.  It must. Why? When I go, don’t cry for me, in my Father’s arms I’ll be. And wounds this world left on my soul will all be healed be healed and I’ll be whole. Sun and moon will be replaced with the light of Jesus’ face. And I will not be ashamed, for my Savior knows my name. It don’t matter where you bury me. I’ll be home and I’ll be free. It don’t matter where I lay. All my tears be washed away.

Gloria by Brave Saint Saturn… The one that grasps my desperation to know Gods love for me when I feel so far away, so unlovable. It’s also my fav to sing in group worship.

Days of Elijah sung by Marines!  This one speaks for itself! Let me in there too, boys! Let’s sing it together! There’s no God like Jehovah! To this song … I cannot stand still.

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. …. Well, because I’m a car singer … Love to belt it in the car … Always have … This is like the ultimate. (Until recently when I learned its original title was ‘Vampires In Love’. Um …. )

Think Twice by Celine Dion… Another belter – but it’s the lyrics of love tearing, threatening to rip apart, and she’s begging him to think twice about leaving. Love that at the end of the video there is a positive resolution.

The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe– My daughter says this song is creepy, but to me, it’s poetry. The idea of laying in the arms of God, safe, protected, like a child with her father …. it’s just beautiful. It’s one I can play over and over when I need comfort.

Where I Belong by Building 429… All I know is I’m not home yet. This is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus. This is not where I belong. True that. All of it. The worship team at a church we attended learned this song because I begged them to. Nothing like singing about Heaven with a group of folks longing for Heaven too!

Oh That Will Be Glory For Me… The last song my Grandmother Hinkle sang to me … Just days before she died at the age of 96. Now, it is the theme of my everyday life. Looking forward to Heaven!

May I Have This Dance by Stephen Hinkle… This is my cousin. So, I love this song because he wrote it, but more than that … because it compares our life with Christ to a dance. A divine romance. It’s beauty. It’s love – the ultimate love.

You Won’t Relent by Kim Walker– A 13 minute worship song that’s a belter to boot? Yes, please!

I Will Arise and Go to Jesus by Julie Miller��… There are many hymns that I love, but this rendition is a favorite. Julie Miller’s folksy��voice touches something deep inside my soul and again, here is another Heaven oriented song. I’m sensing a theme …

I’ll Fly Away by David Crowder… My grandfather loved to lead this song in church.  I remember with clarity his great arms strong in the air keeping time and encouraging the people to worship. One glad morning .., I’ll sing it again with him in glory! But then we’ll be in Heaven with no need to fly away! 😉

Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N Roses… First love song.  Shout out to my first love Mike. Still a favorite song after all these years later.  Your fault. That and Aldo Nova’s Ball & Chain … Stryper’s Honestly.

The Point of No Return – The Phantom of the Opera… Did I ever tell you about the time I went to see TPotO and I skipped out to go to the restroom before intermission and MISSED the chandelier fall? SMH. Regardless, anything from Phantom is my favorite … but this one tops the list.

Les Miserables – a medleyand the ENTIRE performance, the 25th Anniversay Concert… In much the same way, anything from Les Mis is my favorite. I’ve memorized the entire thing. The ENTIRE thing. I love the story, the play, the movie, the book, the everything. I love Colm Wilkinson. I love Hugh Jackman. I want to belt it all.

There are more … Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson, The Robin Hood Prince of Thieves Soundtrack, We Belong by Pat Benetar, Real Good Man by Tim McGraw, and more.

Sheesh.  Think that’s enough.

The Souls of a Woman and a Man Bound Forever Beyond Explanation

Written on June 3, 2015
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw movement on the couch. A tall figure stood and straightened in the semi-darkness; she lost the ability to speak. Fear, immediate in coming, had control of her rationality—she did not reach for the light. She stood still, paralyzed in fright, almost willing an end to the chaos of her spinning life. 
The man walked across the room toward her. Each step sounded with a beat of her heart. She had no means of defending herself. They locked eyes; an eternity passed in mere seconds of time. Eyes adjusted in the dark. Recognition then, disbelief—he opened his arms and she collapsed into his chest, wrapping her arms tight around his torso. Hardened muscles flexed under her cheek. She smelled his skin; no one else smelled like him – hard work, the musk of earthy cologne. Her head swam in the ocean of it, too much time had passed—still she remembered; still, she knew him. He pulled her back just enough that they could look at one other for a moment more, never breaking eye contact. His eyes consumed hers. She trembled, longing to remain pressed against him for eternity.

​A tear rolled down his cheek and she loosened her hand from around him to wipe the tear from his face. The feel of day-old stubble under her fingers thrilled her; her body molded to him—hips touching hips, toes touching toes, her breasts firmly pressed against him. Piercing blue eyes held her tight. She had seen those eyes so many times in her dreams; she moved her hand up to almost touch them, double-checking that they were real. He let her, curving his lips into a smile, while he watched her and a rhythm sounded between them, their bodies playing into the hypnotic melody of warmth and need. They began to sway, foreheads touching. His left hand grasped her hand that lingered on his face. He kissed her fingertips one at a time, from the pinky finger to her thumb and then back again. A sigh escaped her mouth.

​With a tilt of her head, she welcomed his mouth to find her neck, to travel the line of her jaw, to discover her eager open lips. Sweet touches at first, then she gave herself up to him, to her senses—she reveled in the touch of his full kiss, she melted in the intense scent of his nearness, and she surrendered into the deep sound of his voice speaking her name.
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“A Kiss in the Rain” … romance for all ages … intertwining stories of love and loss and joy and fear … meet Adeline and Danielle. Walk with them as they both discover that what seems lost is not always so, that life has a way of pulling itself back around to where it should be, that love does win in the end … that the truest of love connects in the souls of a woman and a man bound forever … beyond explanation.

“A Kiss in the Rain” on Amazon.
Description: First love, lost love . . . Sent away in disgrace, heartbroken, Danielle struggles to make a new life with her young daughter. When she finally returns to her hometown, she must cope with new challenges while contending with childhood memories. Her fear prevents her from reaching out to those she loves, but a bright new world awaits-if only she can find the courage to accept it. A story of love, faith, and friendship, A Kiss in the Rain will touch your heart and your soul . . .

Review from Amazon:

Great book. It was very captivatiting from the beginning! It has many story lines with lots of surprises. I loved it! I can’t wait for the next one!