Category: Soapbox

Me? A Leader? Heck, Yeah.

As a professor, yes, I see myself as a leader. In my classrooms, it is both my responsibility and my privilege to impart my insights, experience, and knowledge to students, with the hope of enhancing their ability to think critically and independently. I understand the gravity of shaping the minds of tomorrow, and I take my job very seriously, although I approach it with light-heartedness and a passion for the subject matter and the futures of each student. I like to call myself an “Edutainer.” I’m going to teach the subject, but I’m also going to provide respite and fun, a mini-vacation from the “real” world outside the classroom door. That’s important to me – for learning and for students’ state of mind.

Outside my classrooms, it is my normal practice to hang back and watch. I’m an observer, but if the situation calls for it or if an opportunity to step into a leadership role presents itself, I will step into that space and assume a leadership style that is conversational, interested in different perspectives, curious, inclusive, and kind. This is what I have seen work in previous work environments, and it flies in the face of other leadership styles, such as micro-management, which I have seen fail utterly and miserably. My favorite boss of all time is Bobby Donnell. He led our campus in North St. Louis with a Mr. Rogers vibe. He was kind, yet firm. His presence commanded (in the best way) respect from his entire team. He never demanded control; he worked alongside of us, he respected us, and he chose his battles. I’ll never forget when the CEO moved Bobby to a different campus and replaced him with a “leader” with a completely different vibe and leadership style. The campus fell apart. People complained.

Students were unhappy. Teachers were threatening to quit. No one enjoyed being at work. Eventually, the CEO moved Bobby back to the campus, and we fell back into rhythm within weeks. Smooth like butter. I like to lead like Bobby when given the opportunity. I might even change my sweater and my shoes before a meeting. Sing a song. Smile for everyone. Listen to opposing ideas but hold firm to ideals that need to remain unchanged. I’m so grateful to Bobby for his leadership, his encouragement, and his critique. He’s my #1 reference, and I’ll always be one for him!

For me, leadership is about working alongside my students and colleagues. It is about guiding and pushing toward the betterment of oneself and seeing life from a larger picture. I love to inspire people to think, to achieve, to know themselves, and to embrace differences of opinion.

So, yes, I see myself as a leader. Thanks, WordPress prompt. 🙂

Charlie Kirk – Warrior for All. Truly.

Understanding that those with strong biases and a fixed mindset will not hear my words, I am still compelled to say that celebrating the death of a man who championed free speech for all, regardless of his own values and ideals, is cause for serious self-reflection. To hate a man so much that you’re glad he’s dead when all he wanted was to encourage young people to think for themselves is, again, cause for self-reflection. Charlie Kirk’s desire was to strengthen the ability of young people to think for themselves through calm debate with a smile. If a person with an opposing perspective could beat him in debate, he was good with that. It showed that the person had the ability to not resort to hate speech but to facts and evidence. Logic. Most could not beat him in debate, but even if and when they could, Charlie was pleased.

In the same way, I am pleased when one of my students can take a stance that is opposite to mine and fully support it with facts and figures.

There is no need for name-calling, for hate, for violence when opposing perspectives exist. There is zero logic in hating someone for being different from you. These are heavy, hard days. The status of our country is clearly divided. I came across this video of makeup artist Jeffree Star’s reaction to the assassination of Charlie Kirk, and I leave you with this …

Rant on Stitt’s Oklahoma Homeless Crisis “Solution”

Yesterday, I asked him how he feels about Governor Stitt’s mobilizing the Highway Patrol and police department in Tulsa to clear out homeless encampments – providing the homeless with two options: treatment facilities or jail. I’ve read articles and comment threads; I’ve watched news clips, and in my mind’s eye, I see a young man who weighs no more than 110 pounds. He’s dirty and hungry. His hair is halfway down his back; he has a scraggly beard. He’s wearing girl’s jeans that he took from a random person’s laundry line; they’re short on him, like capri pants. There are no shoes on his feet. He stands inside an AA room, and people avoid contact with him, moving around him because he smells of body odor and garbage. He’s been living in abandoned buildings and eating out of trash cans – drinking and drugs like a tidal wave took his family, his security, and his dignity, and he is broken, hungry, and desperate for a kind word. I’m bothered – deeply – by what Governor Stitt has done here – and not from a self-righteous anger that’s my fad-related “hill-to-die-on” flavor of the week (I don’t normally have those anyway). I’m bothered because that young man in my mind’s eye, 38 ½ years ago, was my husband, Patrick. He, this man that I’m married to and love with all my heart, was homeless – a “throw-away” person. He was the man that Governor Still is removing with what seems like callousness and utter disregard. He is the man whom no one had taken the time to speak kindly to or find out how he got there in the first place, to ascertain what the catalyst of his homeless state was, where his people were, and what his mental state was. The questions and things to consider about why the homeless are in that position go on and on, but it seems like that’s not happening here. Just move them. Where? Treatment centers (which we do not have enough room in) or Jail (which we also do not have enough room in) – and most of them haven’t done anything wrong to warrant jail. I asked my Patrick how he feels about what the Governor of Oklahoma has done.

He is bothered. Deeply.

There must be better solutions. There are better solutions. However, those require actual work, care, resources, volunteers, and financial support. Patrick and I saw a small “village” of tiny homes off the Gilcrease Expressway the other day, and because of his past life, we got to talking about how that could be a solution for a portion of the homeless problem; this was before the Stitt activity began. The property owner could provide housing with stipulations. The homeless who genuinely want help will receive it, and those who don’t will be easily identified and weeded out. Those are the ones who are far gone in addiction and need either treatment or, only if warranted, jail. There are so many reasons why people are homeless. To lump them all into one category is offensive, wrong, damaging, and insane.

What about abandoned hotels? Why are we not using some of the tax dollars that line politicians’ pockets (and other well-meaning individuals’) to refurbish the old hotel eyesores around Tulsa, making them into homeless shelters with stipulations and resources? Tunnel to Towers is doing that with old hotels … turning them into apartments for veterans. Why is this not also an option for our homeless problems across this country, not just in Tulsa? There are reasons people are homeless. They’re not all criminals or scary. They are people whose lives tanked, and this could happen to anyone at any time. To look at my husband now, you might think it impossible that he was ever a homeless, throw-away, alcoholic/addicted man with track marks up and down his arms and his neck. This amazing man I’m married to, who loves me second, God first, has lived through harder things than most people I’ve ever known, and his relationship with God is sincere. His heart for the struggling alcoholic or drug addict is huge because he’s been there. He knows.

He knows that each of those homeless people has a story.

Each one ended up homeless due to a series of unfortunate events – whether of their own making or not; at a certain point, that doesn’t matter so much – how they got there. Help and healing matter. These people are salvageable. I know so… I am happily married to a man who was formerly homeless. Yes, I keep saying it. It is part of his redemption story! It’s an incredible story, and he’d share it with anyone who wanted to hear it. My husband showed up on the doorstep of AA looking for help. After some time, he found it there. Many homeless people are helpless in their circumstances until someone reaches out a kind hand instead of just removing them like trash, dumping them on the doorsteps of treatment centers that are already overwhelmed and understaffed.

I’m bothered. My husband is bothered. And I needed to speak up, even if only to start a conversation. This is not something I do often, as I generally keep my political views to myself. Not my belief in God Almighty, though, that is not to be hidden! But politics, I typically stay on the quiet side, but on this… I had to say something. This course of action will not solve the real problem – the underlying issues of WHY are these people “unhoused.” What a stupid term. This course of action (removing them, throwing their belongings away, putting them in either facilities or jails) is police-state. It has a blatant disregard for those whose lives don’t seem to matter as much as the people who are afraid of the homeless or find the homeless people’s existence to disrupt the beauty and calm of their own comfortable ways of life. They don’t want to see the homeless when they drive to get their manicures and groceries at Reasor’s. It’s discomforting and scary, embarrassing even, and might call on them to become aware that not all is “perfect” in the world around them.

Okay, so I’m bothered. I’ve said that more than once. Now, the question is this: “Okay, Dacia, what else are you going to do about it?” I will continue to follow my husband’s lead. On occasion, he helps a homeless person as he is led to, and I support him and follow suit. We remain open to God’s leading in our daily lives, and as He places someone or something on our hearts, we act, whether that is at a QuikTrip or in an AA meeting, wherever that takes place. And I will say out loud, through my fingers on this keyboard, moving the homeless “out of sight” will not solve the greater issue. We have a homeless crisis in our midst, and it’s not going to go away by throwing out the homeless people’s belongings and sticking the homeless in jail and treatment centers. That is not a solution.

It’s just not. We need real solutions.

Those who profess to be believers in Jesus, we need to consider many of His words in red—the ones we claim to believe and follow, where He says that whatever you do for the least of these, you do it for Him. How comfortable are we with tossing Jesus into a treatment center or jail? Or should churches, perhaps, step up, get uncomfortable, and be difference makers in our communities? Use all that building program money to care for the homeless instead …

The Sheep and the Goats

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

Matthew 25:31-45

The Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis, Alcoholism, & Sanity.

The following Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis results are from 1992 when I was 19. They show I was 97% Nervous, 92% Depressive, 98% Active-Social, 75% Inhibited, 62% Sympathetic, 98% Subjective, 70% Submissive, 88% Hostile, and 82% Impulsive – in 7 “Needs Improvement” zones out of 9 total zones; these “Needs Improvement” zones are what I have called, danger zones when I share this information with others. Let’s look at those again:

Ozark Christian College placed me in mandatory counseling after I took the Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis at their behest. It’s shocking to me now to review these results, which I’ve kept all of these years, as I come to understand more and more about Alcoholism being a soul-sickness in which only a relationship with a higher power (for me, that is God) can course-correct—the only answer.  My Alcoholism is no surprise in retrospect; I was an alcoholic years before my first drink at age 32. This is evidenced in these TJTA results. I was not okay at 19 years old, before 19, and after 19 because the counseling didn’t last, and I slipped through the cracks, left to my own devices because I could ‘hide’ it, my internal chaos, well. The internal me was in constant chaos – for years. I didn’t know that was abnormal, though it appeared that no one else felt the way I did inside – sad, alone, unable to speak for myself, angry … hostile.

The hole inside of me was deep, and I tried many ways to fill it over the years. At different points, I took anti-depressants like Prozac and Celexa, a good portion of that time also drinking alcohol.  I went to counselors and therapists, the psych ward twice. I was labeled with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, and PTSD. Alcohol was a ‘solution’ that ‘fixed’ me at the moment a few times early on, and I felt “okay” here and there. Try as I might chase that “I’m okay” feeling in the ensuing 16 years, alcohol became the elusive ‘solution’ that fixed nothing and made everything much, much worse. I couldn’t understand that until I came face-to-face with myself in the 12 Steps of AA. I suppose I keep these Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis results because I’m reminded of how far I’ve come when I look at them. I know that the woman I am today has recovered from insanity and soul-sickness, no longer chasing a “feel good” solution to quench the thirst for God in my soul, which Solomon speaks of in Ecclesiastes 3:11. “He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time. He has also planted eternity [a sense of divine purpose] in the human heart [a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy, except God]—yet man cannot find out (comprehend, grasp) what God has done (His overall plan) from the beginning to the end.” Today, I fill the hole inside me with God the Father, and I am whole.

I’m considering getting the Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis Certification to administer and interpret the assessment for others … and myself. I’m interested to see current results for myself. However, I don’t need to do that. Curious, yes, but necessary, no. Step two of the AA program says, “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Ah, sanity. The words “restore us to” make me giggle because I’m not sure I’ve ever been ‘sane’ before the last year.  Today, I am sane. I am recovered. I no longer exist in those ‘danger’ zones, and God’s got me. Every day, I am grateful to Him for this life I live, and I ask Him to help me be of use to Him as I walk through each day. What an excellent way to live. #grateful #gratefultobeanalcoholic #Godsgotme

The thought “You’re oversharing” just ran through my mind in a particular couple of people’s voices, and I had a moment of thinking I’d scrap this whole post. But I did not do that. I won’t do that. I am convicted and convinced that I am to share about these things that I’ve overcome in my life because they have been defeated by God’s power, not my own.  Hope exists. My experiences prove this. Today, I take no anti-depressants. The only medications I take are for my heart. I am finally sane. I am a child of the Living God, and I am a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous, where we follow these steps:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

https://www.aa.org/the-twelve-steps

Keyboard Warrior – Critical Thinking, Immigration, Courage, Cancelation, & Me.

Keyboard Warrior is not a title I choose for myself, but I want to state something on my mind right now, and I’ll get around to it. But first, I find it sad that I hesitate to write this, much less post it. We live in a world where some have a right to voice their opinions, and others don’t … unless they’re up for the being canceled or yelled at situations. Some choose not to voice their opinions because they see sharing opinionated thoughts as a lack of propriety or a breach of privacy. I’ve been told I overshare, which is funny because I don’t voice many thoughts regarding politics. However, I’m sure that was about some personal matters that particular individuals don’t like for me to talk about online. My perspective is this: if something in my story helps someone else to be brave, then what I went through and have become willing to be honest and vulnerable about is worth it. I will not be silent on matters such as alcoholism, emotional sobriety, loving your neighbor as yourself, recovery from major surgery, and speaking up for yourself when you’re in an abusive situation; there is life beyond what feels hopeless. I will not hesitate to write about any of those things; there are other topics, though, that I feel strongly about, and most often, I keep my thoughts to myself for a variety of reasons. A couple of those are that I see a lack of communication skills and a lack of value for/respect for opposing perspectives in the realm of social media – and in the workplace.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m going to state it again because I still find it shocking. At the height of the COVID panic, I was ‘friends’ on Facebook with multiple co-workers; I am not any longer because I’ll never forget reading, “They should all be shot in the head so that the good people can get on with their lives” on a co-worker’s Facebook thread. My co-worker agreed. Wow, thought I. They’d both be okay with my death … so that they, the “good” people, can go on with life. Until that “good” sect of folks ran into some issue on which there existed a disagreement and another killing off of “bad” people would occur … Perhaps this is a slippery slope, but I don’t think so. It is common sense.

I’ll never forget reading those words, and I’m watchful of that individual and of others. I hold different perspectives than the majority of folks I work with … and although many of them bring their opinions to work and put them on display in emails and meetings, I keep my own neatly tucked in my heart and mind because they do not belong at work. Our task is to teach students to think critically… sometimes I’m concerned about higher ed because we are contracted to teach critical thinking skills, but many complete this task with an emphasis on particular belief systems being the only “right” track instead of showing students the necessity of viewing multiple perspectives with an open mind and a respect for different opinions.

A truth taught in my classrooms is when emotion enters a conversation, it is no longer a conversation or true argument. It is at that point the beginning of a fight, of cancellation, of separation between people, dividing us … it’s sad, and it is a tragedy that people would rather spout angry words, cancel, shut out/shut down than listen, and try to understand where another person is coming from. I ponder this and conclude that my hesitation to share my thoughts/opinions (outside of work because I will not be convinced that work is a place where I can bring personal beliefs and opinions) is one of three things or a combination of each.

  1. I prefer to avoid conflict, which states that I have a lack of courage.
  2. I prefer to avoid conflict, which is because all roads lead back to my career, and that is something I will not jeopardize.
  3. I prefer to avoid conflict, which states that I value people over opinions. However, this third one makes me wonder if I am unwilling to speak my truth to others, does that then show a lack of care and concern for them on my part? Am I feigning niceness? Perhaps that depends on the issue at hand. Perhaps.

I’m still determining why I hesitate to speak my mind on matters outside of the issues I have no compunction about sharing from my soul—those charged issues that fall in the political spectrum specifically, I hesitate upon. However, on the issue of immigration, because it hits close to home, I think I will voice my opinion.

My son-in-law is an immigrant; he entered this country legally. He went through the required procedures because he is a respectful man who wanted to work in America. I applaud and support him and any who respect our nation and abide by its rules. I have a former student who is German; she also came to the United States through the correct channels to attend college. I have a friend who is of Kurdish descent from Iraq. Her family fled Iraq years ago on foot into Turkey and ended up in St. Louis through legal channels. She now speaks better English than most of us who grew up in the USA. She loves this country because she knows what it is like to live under real, and not perceived, oppression. Our First Lady is a former immigrant who went through legal channels to be here. To each of these people and to anyone who respects our nation and its laws, I welcome you!

Millions of immigrants in this country, however, chose to come in illegally. This is not right. It does not matter how “nice” they are. That is an argument I’ve heard regarding why undocumented people should be allowed to remain … they are “nice.” If they’re here illegally, they’ve broken our laws, and therefore, they are criminals according to our laws. Nice or not. Some people want to argue that undocumented immigrants add to our economy. To this, I say our government has been giving them money instead of spending our tax dollars on what the citizens of this nation, like the North Carolina flood victims, need. I do not understand how this is not a black-and-white issue for every citizen of this nation. America First. There is a system in place for legal migration to the USA. Does it take a while? Yes, it does. Is it flawed? Yes, it is. Does that mean it is to be disregarded? No, it does not.


If these people who are here illegally that our tax dollars are taking care of – just this past week, it was discovered that $59 million in tax dollars had been used by USAID to put illegal immigrants up in hotels in New York City – did not abide by our immigration laws and come here by correct means; doesn’t that also indicate that there will be continued disrespect for our rule of law? Absolutely. This can be seen in protests happening across this nation where undocumented immigrants are flying the flags of their nations of origin. There is a great lack of common sense here. If the nation you left to come here is so bad, why do you fly their flag inside our borders as if you want to bring that nation here … maybe that is the goal …. Maybe that is exactly what is happening. If so, it’s an invasion, and America is in danger of losing itself. All of this said, I realize some of the undocumented people are here for a better life, not nefarious purposes, and to them, I say, if you are so happy to come to the United States, do it correctly, abide by our laws with respect, and fly our flag. Pretty simple concept. One that almost every other nation on earth enforces through imprisonment and/or deportation.

Anyway, now I ask myself if I feel better having written this out, and to a degree, yes. But overall, no. I just want to get along with people and not let politics divide us. I want to be able to do my job without politics creeping into it. I want to treat others the way I wish to be treated and receive that same consideration in return. It makes me sad that this is often now how things work. It makes me sad to know that I’m a person that another individual would be happy to shoot in the head for having a different political belief. I don’t understand this in human nature, and it makes me long for my heavenly home.

Maranatha. Come, Lord Jesus.

Career Advice from 72 Students in Mrs. C’s Comp II Courses – Spring 2025.

The assignment was “Consider life up to this point and what Career Advice you have encountered. Write an essay in which you determine the most helpful advice you’ve received – whether it was spoken to you, or you read it somewhere/heard it in a TED Talk, etc. Come up with three pieces of advice that have been helpful. You will share about these in 1,250 words – keeping the most helpful as the third main point of the essay.”

It was essay #1, which assesses where Comp II students stand with writing skills and proficiency before the course is fully underway. It establishes for me, the Professor, where we are beginning and gives me the information necessary to know how best to proceed as I keep course outcomes and my goals for student achievement at the forefront.

The outcome of this writing assignment, which spread over five Comp II courses, astounded me. Seventy-two students wrote passionately about the career and life advice they’d been given by parents, employers, coworkers, books, articles, mentors, singers, TEDx presentations, video games, friends, etc., how the advice affected them, and how it could benefit others. After several essays, I decided to track the collected advice in one document – one I could share with the students after I completed grading all five classes. I expected it to be a couple of pages, maybe three, with most advice being repetitive that I would combine to save space. This is NOT what occurred. The result of this collection of career advice is incredible! For the most part, student after student wrote out unique and equally valuable career and life advice, and according to Word, it is eight pages long in its single-spaced and bulleted format. .5” margins. Garamond font. 12 pt. Over 4,400 words of career advice. These are in no particular order. Nuggets of golden advice exist throughout – and for each of us, what a golden nugget is could be different. That’s the beauty of it and why I’m sharing it.

“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself” (Oscar Wilde).

For anonymity’s sake, the student’s names are not shared, but if any of the advice contained in this document is helpful and something you’d like to quote elsewhere, here is a Works Cited page citation suggestion.

Cunningham, D. L. (2025, January 31). Career Advice – Collection of Student Insight from 72 Essays in Mrs. Cunningham’s Comp II Courses – Spring 2025.

Career Advice from 72 Students in Professor C’s Comp II Courses – Spring 2025.

  • Keep track of everything you try and what you accomplish.
  • Figure out what values are most significant to you.
  • Give yourself the space to change.
  • Let yourself try different jobs, experiment with different hobbies, and make each situation you face a learning experience.
  • Surround yourself with a community.
  • Make sure to serve others.
  • Make a difference in the lives of other people.
  • Find meaning in your job every day.
  • Don’t get too comfortable; be patient because nothing is permanent.
  • There is always an opportunity for things to get either extremely good or extremely bad. Nevertheless, trying to make things good instead of bad is important.
  • Work hard.
  • Be patient when life gets hard.
  • Do what you love.
  • Keep smiling even through the tough times.
  • Be confident, and who cares what people think or say?
  • You are the only one who can accomplish your goals.
  • People can hear a smile. I may have the worst migraine and little to no sleep, but I will be smiling. It makes your day so much better. Life is hard; the last thing we need is to make it worse with a bad attitude and a frown on our face. Just keep smiling!
  • Don’t be afraid to say yes.
  • Progress is the killer of success.
  • Hard work beats talent.
  • Retire early.
  • Make a ton of money.
  • Love what you do.
  • Take it all in and prioritize my well-being.
  • Accept feedback and criticism.
  • Avoid being paralyzed by fear.
  • Set goals.
  • Focus on your own position.
  • Never let your mistakes define you.
  • Prioritize a work-life balance.
  • Be open to change.
  • Find passion in even the mundane tasks of work.
  • Pay attention to your outward appearance, personal performance, and overall presentability.
  • Be on time. This is paramount to respect and success. Being on time and present at practice, school, work, and any other activity proves that you respect your superiors and yourself.
  • Prepare for retirement early.
  • Strive for excellence in everything you do professionally.
  • Embrace the “work hard, play hard” mentality.
  • “Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back” (SZA).
  • “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”
  • Embrace your uniqueness.
  • How you dress is how people see you. Therefore, at your job, you should use every day to dress your best.
  • Treat every customer like they are the boss undercover.
  • Show a willingness to help and take on tasks, even when I don’t feel like it, and approach my work urgently.
  • Control your face and your emotions.
  • I am replaceable, and many people want my job, so I must always be at my best, no matter the circumstances.
  • When you communicate effectively, it demonstrates to your boss that you are mature, reliable, and capable of working independently.
  • Finding a balance between work and personal life is essential for career success.
  • Be able to accept feedback and take it. This shows open-mindedness and maturity.
  • Be positive, do your job, and do your best.
  • Always strive to be a great employee.
  • Create a meticulous schedule (meaning done perfectly and with great scrutiny towards every element).
  • Do tasks for my boss that they did not ask me to do.
  • Ask myself, “Why not me?”
  • Use every bit of spare time during your workday to your advantage.
  • “Take a gamble that love exists and do a loving act” (Red Dead Redemption 2).
  •  “Sometimes life is like this tunnel; you can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving, you will come to a better place” (Avatar).
  • “After all, tomorrow is another day” (Gone with the Wind).
  • Make sure you make a good first impression.
  • Have good communication skills.
  • Find a job you will enjoy.
  • Do not compare yourself to others.
  • If you say you will do something, do it.
  • Contribute your best efforts to every project.
  • Maintain a positive and healthy work environment.
  • Find a true passion for what you do.
  • Plan things before you do them, stay organized, and remain focused on the task.
  • Never doubt themselves in anything that they do, no matter what.
  • Show and do my best no matter what the situation is.
  • Make sure I have everything ready for the next day.
  • Even a bad day can be turned around and flipped upside down.
  • Never let someone else get me down because of their bad attitude.
  • Understand that your strengths in the workforce is key for both personal growth and professional accomplishment.
  • When searching for a career, being flexible opens opportunities, unlocks new skill sets, and can sometimes provide an outlook on professional approaches to situations.
  • Why not learn different skills, such as electrical work, plumbing, people skills, technology, etc., even though this might not be your career choice? Growing your knowledge of many skills helps expand opportunities.
  • Make meaningful connections; this is especially important because, like professional flexibility, relationships often open doors to opportunities that are not advertised or widely known.
  • There is no shame in asking for help; it’s how we learn and grow.
  • Developing a solid work ethic benefits my education and leaves a lasting impression on professors, employers, and peers.
  • Always tell the truth.
  • Take initiative, even when it’s not explicitly required.
  • Have a good work ethic.
  • Find a job that pays well.
  • Do what you love; this is crucial.
  • Arrive on time; this is vital for a job as it shows a good work ethic and desire to work. Showing up late not only indicates a poor work ethic but also shows a lack of responsibility. Get to your job ten to twenty minutes early. This has helped me never be late for work.
  • Don’t have your nose glued to your phone. It looks bad on you and is destructive to the company. I started using this perspective at my job and avoided using my phone in front of customers to save the company’s reputation. This advice can help students understand that what you do at your job also reflects your company.
  • Steve Jobs once said, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do” (Jobs).
  • Make sure I am always the first one there and the last one to leave.
  • Work smarter, not harder.
  • Always put pride in everything I do.
  • Do not jump into anything right away; you have time to consider, so take your time.
  • Try to find something with a happy pay medium and personal fulfillment.
  • Do NOT let a paycheck decide your future.
  • In taking time to learn more about yourself and explore the different aspects of different careers, you can set yourself up to succeed in an environment that you have selected based on your knowledge of yourself.
  • Talk through demanding situations.
  • Work efficiently and effectively.
  • Prioritize work first.
  • “Pain creates memory.”
  • “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
  • “If those other dummies can do it, so can you.” If you won’t believe in yourself, no one can believe in you. So quit being a normal ‘dummy’ and go be the better you. The you that achieves your dreams and goals without fear.
  •  “The only thing you can control is your attitude and your effort, and the only people you need are your family and God; those are the constant things in your life.”
  • If my attitude is preset on being negative and I am already doubting my intelligence, I have just set the stage for myself to fail.
  • Work every day like people are lined up for your position.
  • Be the employee you would love to have on your team if you were a business owner.
  • Pursue the career that I truly desire. A career worth having will serve the spirit.
  • Prepare for interviews ahead of time by preparing questions, showing up early, and being put together.
  • Continue to work hard and push for more.
  • Every one of us only has ourselves; nobody else will wake up looking through your eyes, feeling with your heart, or cuddling with your teddy bear…hopefully. Live your life for you.
  • Work to live. Do not live to work. Your entire life cannot revolve around your job. Work to earn money so you can live. Do not live a lifestyle that solely centers around your job.
  • Find a job I love.
  • Show up to work prepared punctually.
  • Resist the criticism of those who do not have your best interests at heart. Value and accept the criticism of those who do have your best interests at heart.
  • Cultivate professional relationships. It’s important to know who you surround yourself with. The people around you can change your life completely, so choose wisely.
  • Maintain perseverance and passion in my chosen field.
  • It is crucial to surround oneself with individual friends or mentors who encourage growth and display no envy.
  • “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.” – Calvin Coolidge.
  • Discipline and respect are key to success. Be considerate of how your actions impact other people.
  • Discipline is still showing respect when you are disrespected. Other people show their character by how they act, and having discipline is keeping your character the same when you are disrespected.
  • Life is hard; get a helmet.
  • Let go or be dragged down. People will always do things that hurt you or something that you would never do to them, but you must realize that they chose to do that, not you. You must rise above and let it go.
  • “People think of education as something they can finish.”
  • “No one is coming to save you.”
  • “The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart.”
  • Show up early.
  • Explore opportunities.
  • Find a work/life balance from personal experience or the lives of people I hope to mirror.
  • At an interview, be mindful of your mannerisms, words, and how you dress. The employer does not know you yet so that they will judge based on the first impression.
  • Understanding a company’s values can help answer questions like “How would you best fit in this role?” or “Why would you be good for this job?”
  • Always value your time over money.
  • Get out of your comfort zone to learn new things.
  • Do something you love if you must do it 40 hours a week.
  • Kindness and compromise will take you a long way.
  • Work hard and compete, and you will be successful in life.
  • Never be afraid to chase your dreams.
  • Always be confident.
  • Set goals on how to measure your success.
  • Learn to forgive your mistakes. Learning from your mistakes gives you the opportunity for self-reflection.
  • Always give one hundred and ten percent and work hard at the task you receive.
  • Always treat your employer with respect, and they will respect you.
  • Pick something I love doing and make good money while doing it.
  • Start work at a young age.
  • Participate in continuous learning.
  • Good integrity is the best way to build trust in any profession.
  • Practice interviews.
  • Be persistent in getting your prospective employer’s attention. After applying, send follow-up calls to ensure the hiring manager knows your name and confirms that they will check your application. Two weeks of applications and calls and eventually a walk-in got me an interview and the job all on the same day.
  • Review and adhere to policy. Ignore anyone who tells you, “Oh, we don’t have to do that,” because they will never be promoted to anything more than a base-level employee. Read and ask questions to best understand the company you work for and its specific ways of working.
  • Show up and express yourself to others.
  • Show up early.
  • Have all your equipment.
  • Be friendly to others.
  • Be aware of how you hold yourself on the field and in the dugout.
  • Work Ethics involves what you do behind the scenes, such as working extra hours and doing the right thing when no one is there to hold you accountable.
  • Work Ethics are something you should never be satisfied with.
  • Dress to impress.
  • Find purpose in what I do.
  • Always do my best.
  • Never expect perfection from any job.
  • Keep your work life and personal life separate.
  • Find your why in the job. Remember why you wanted this, and when you feel like giving up, go back to that reason.
  • Work harder than everyone else because having a good work ethic is key to gaining
  • respect from others.
  • Choose a career path that aligns with your passions and interests.
  • Do not let the fear of failing stop you from pursuing your hopes and dreams.
  • Treat others how you want to be treated.
  • Pursue your calling, even if it pushes you out of your comfort zone.
  • Be a thermostat, not a thermometer. Like a thermostat, you can change the temperature of a room, but don’t be a thermometer and let the room’s temperature change you. My attitude can change a room; I am a thermostat.
  • No matter what others say or do, how I respond is the only thing that matters.
  • Choose a career that means something to you; it should be based on your passions.
  • Keep learning something new and try making yourself look better than other candidates.
  • Your resume should highlight your strengths and weaknesses and have good references.
  • Be open to change.
  • Develop soft skills.
  • Track achievements that have proven relevant to life and beneficial for a career.
  • Clear and effective communication promotes collaboration and correctly transfers ideas and goals between people.
  • Seek regular feedback and reflect on past experiences.
  • Maintain a healthy work-life balance.
  • Seek continuous learning.
  • Learn from past failures.
  • Proper preparation prevents poor performance.
  • Grit is a common component in the lives of some of the most successful people in athletics and beyond. Grit can be defined as “never giving up, grinding through adversity, finding a way to make it happen, and not leaning into excuses.”
  • Nothing can replace good ol’ sweat equity and earning opportunity the old-fashioned way, which is outworking everybody else. I may not be the most gifted or the most talented, and that’s ok, but there’s never an excuse to be outworked.
  • “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
  • “If you love what you do you’ll never work a day in your life.”
  •  “Learn to love to practice” and “fall in love with the process” of being exceptional.
  • Be as efficient as possible.
  • Volunteer in the industry in which you’d like to work.
  • Be able to get the best grades possible.
  • Say it is not impossible and set about making it happen.
  • Be punctual.
  • Work hard and give your best effort.
  • Maintain integrity and a strong character.
  • Always be knowledgeable about the company or organization that you wish to work for.
  • Understand that honesty is key.
  • The connections I make will get me ahead of the game.
  • Learn to think on your feet.
  • Prepare for anything that can be thrown your way.
  • Pay attention to detail.
  • Do the work with silent integrity.
  • Willingness over capability, because everyone is capable, but not everyone is willing.
  • If you don’t believe you are something or at least have the potential to be, no one will.
  • You have to be a champion before you get to become a champion.
  • “One cannot teach unless he himself is still learning.”- Confucius.
  • “If money didn’t exist, what would you do with your day?” Some folks would say something similar to “sit around and play video games all day.” Don’t be that person. How would you contribute to society? To Nature? To your family/community? Take whatever it is and pursue a career with it. I’d garden and raise animals and live self-sufficiently.
  • Be willing to go the extra mile to validate yourself and set yourself apart from your competition.
  • Finish school.
  • Go to trade school or take the college route.
  • Live the life of your dreams.
  • Never depend on anybody else.
  • Pick a career that genuinely makes me happy and causes me to want to get out of bed in the morning.
  • Don’t be a know-it-all. Be humble. You can always learn; never stop learning.
  • Have a good work ethic, don’t procrastinate.
  • You will get out of it what you put into it.
  • Use proper language.
  • Dress appropriately.
  • Have a positive attitude.
  • Setting goals is an excellent approach to creating clear, realistic expectations that assist in staying focused on what is essential.
  • When creating your goals, consider these questions: are my goals specific, realistic, measurable, and relevant? Asking yourself these questions when creating goals is essential for providing direction. Specific goals clearly outline what you want to achieve. Realistic goals are achievable within your time frame. Measurable goals give a way to track your progress. Relevant goals ensure alignment with your overall objective.
  • Leaving your comfort zone fosters personal growth by pushing you to adapt to new situations, build resilience, and learn new things.
  • Give your all when you are able.
  • Get out of your comfort zone and take a risk even if you are unsure of the outcome.
  • Take breaks.
  • When you do uncomfortable things, you show yourself and others that you can do anything, and that determination is the key to ultimate success.
  • Actively embody, with intent, the qualities and outcomes I desire.
  • If I seek workplace recognition, I need to produce notable work. If I want respect, I must extend respect to others.
  • My grandmother would encourage me to read and reflect on a particular Bible verse. She would say, “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you” (Philippians 4:13, King James).
  • Be a champion for those who cannot be champions for themselves.
  • “Having over-the-top positive nice feedback can harm your performance, it can make it very difficult for you to climb up, difficult to kind of know where you stand, what you should do better, what you should stop doing, but can also damage people in ways that we often don’t think about. It can affect their reputations outside of the interaction context” (Tessa West – TEDx).
  • Building a successful path requires discovering your passion, which proves difficult yet necessary for creating effective path-building strategies.
  • Let go of uncertainty and fear.
  • A strong foundation of knowledge and critical thinking skills is essential to stand out among other candidates. These qualities provide an edge in securing opportunities in competitive fields.
  • When you prioritize learning and personal growth, your professional success becomes achievable and enables potential opportunities that have been impossible before.
  • Just do it. Continue moving ahead by taking purposeful steps.
  • Learn to play the long game in life. Playing the long game in life is one of the most important pieces of advice because it inspires a mindset rooted in patience and resilience.
  • Prioritize actions that align with my overall goals in life rather than falling into distractions and temporary pleasures.
  • “Listen more than you talk. Nobody learned anything by hearing themselves speak” (Richard Branson).
  • Surround myself with the right people who inspire and challenge me. You are who you surround yourself with, the people in your life influence your actions and mindset.
  • Is what I’m doing today getting me closer to where I want to be tomorrow?
  • Find a career that will help you change the world, not just your financial situation.
  • “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough” (Oprah Winfrey).
  • Be prepared. Have everything ready to go versus running back and forth to grab things. This reassures my clients that I am professional at my job, increasing the likelihood of them becoming repeat clients.
  • Being prepared gives me those extra couple minutes I may not have had otherwise, ensuring I do my best work.
  • Understand the importance of teamwork. Cooperating improved our work relationships and helped the company continue to grow.
  • Speak up. Advocating for myself or someone else, whether expressing my ideas, setting boundaries, or asking for help, is often a key to success.
  • Always keep learning.
  • Be open to feedback and criticism. Receiving feedback is a part of every aspect of life, whether it is good or bad. What you do with that information can shape you and help you grow into a respected employee and, maybe one day, a respected employer.
  • Speak up.
  • Consistency shows dedication and effort.
  • Asking for help does not show that you are incapable; it does the opposite. It shows that you have the courage and determination to learn.
  • If you truly want it, you can achieve it.
  • Stay accountable for your actions.
  • Prioritize tasks and continuously try to learn.
  • Set clear goals.
  • Celebrate the big and the small wins.
  • A hand-up is not a handout. “There is no such thing as a self-made man. You will reach your goals only with the help of others” (George Shinn).
  • Take things one step at a time.
  • Love what I do and know when to move on from a position that is not fulfilling anymore.
  • No job is insignificant; respect every title.
  • Find the job that best suits you.
  • Do what makes you happy. Other people’s opinions should never stop you from doing what you love.
  • Never give up when things get too harsh, hard, or challenging.
  • We would not value where we are and how we have developed ourselves if we had all lived without adversity. I would not see myself as a kind, compassionate person who wants to help people around me if I had not experienced some life-altering events and setbacks.
  • Do not be afraid to ask, whether it is asking questions or asking for help.
  • Keep an open mind and be willing to learn because you won’t always know everything.
  • You are never too old to start or start over.
  • Life is always changing. Count on that, no matter what. Be willing to learn and change to keep up.
  • Focus on progress rather than perfection.
  • Embrace lifelong learning to stay adaptable and innovative. This means continuously seeking new knowledge and skills throughout your professional life. This approach is crucial in today’s fast-paced society, where businesses constantly evolve.
  • Take care of your well-being to maintain energy and motivation. This can sustain energy and enthusiasm for careers, leading to long-term success and fulfillment while maintaining a balanced home life.
  • Build a strong professional network. This is crucial. It can help you by opening doors to new opportunities and providing support during challenging times at work, ensuring you are never alone in your journey.
  • When not preoccupied with achieving perfection, you are more inclined to take risks and explore new methods.
  • The journey is just as important as the destination, and with the right mindset and support, you can navigate your career path with confidence and resilience.
  • Develop skills that can be used in different careers.
  • Explore your passion.
  • Recognize that a job is something you tolerate, and a career is something you love.
  • Do not settle. Life is too short to do a job you hate and do not have a passion for just for the sake of a job.
  • Show up early and leave late.
  • Dress for the job you want in the future. You only get one shot at a first impression.
  • Network.
  • Know myself and be confident.
  • Have an excellent work ethic and skills.
  • You can’t pour from an empty cup.
  • Be like a rubber band and flex. If you can go with the flow, you will be a desired employee.
  • Be a lifelong learner.
  • Show your potential every day.
  • Leave your problems at home.
  • Always be willing to learn and grow continually.
  • Find a mentor.
  • Focus on the 3 D’s: dedication, devotion, and discipline.
  • Be dedicated to goals, professionally and personally. Reach them by keeping them at the forefront. Write them down on sticky notes and place them where they are visible daily.

“Let Me Be Clear”

Is it just me whose skin crawls every time a politician uses these words? When “Let me be clear” comes out of a person’s mouth, my immediate reaction is, “I will not listen to you.” The reaction is accompanied by an eye roll, a shake of the head, and probably a lecture word or two regarding logical fallacies … though, my husband, Patrick, already knows all about logical fallacies and crooked politicians, I find myself spouting off at the sound of “Let Me Be Clear.” He’s good enough to join in the frustration this English professor exudes – though he has reasons of his own for disregarding the individuals who employ such rhetorical tactics.

“Let Me Be Clear” … No, thank you. I don’t trust you. You’re using logical fallacies, such as proof surrogate, to convince people that what you say is the only right thing. Knowing that people in droves hear what you say and believe you like you’re a sainted angel blows my mind, and I wonder how those words don’t make their skin crawl … how can they drink your message in like it is heaven-sent? It’s wild to me.

Logical Fallacies are wild. Pathos disguised as Logos. Persuasion. Manipulation. Rhetoric at its best. Plato, the philosopher who lived nearly 2,000 years ago, said, “Rhetoric is the art of ruling the minds of men.” Use your words to bring about what you want … that is Rhetoric. Convince people you’re the *shit* and that all of your ideas are infallible and clear.

On the one hand, my hat is off to politicians who get away with such deeds – their rhetorical skills are impressive. On the other hand, not me … Not falling for your incessant need for clarity. Let me be clear. Honestly. I mean it when I say. Clearly. Let’s be clear. Yeah … no, thanks.

Reba McEntire, another great ‘philosopher,’ once penned a great response to someone who is not necessarily always truthful … “You lie ………….”

(Talk about Appeal to Celebrity … Ha.)

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Do Better, People.

The headline “October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, highlighting that Oklahoma leads the U.S. in rates of intimate partner violence, with comprehensive support hotlines available 24/7 for those in need,” caught my attention this morning. The article contains startling statistics that, unfortunately, I know are true. To see the information in black and white drives home (reminds me) the importance of not being silent on the issue of domestic violence because, according to the article included below, one out of four women and one out of nine men experience domestic violence. Here in Oklahoma, that number, according to the article, is even higher, with 49.1% of women in Oklahoma experiencing some variant of domestic violence in their lifetimes – and men in Oklahoma experience domestic violence at a rate of 40.7%. This is unacceptable! Talk about an epidemic of drastic effects that should be on the lips of every politician and religious leader! THIS should be talked about everywhere – it should be called out, addressed, and changed.

Here is the article I encountered …

TULSA, OKLA (KTUL) — Domestic violence affects 49.1 percent of Oklahoma women and 40.7 percent of Oklahoma men, according to the World Population Review. Those statistics place the state of Oklahoma at number one for the highest rates of intimate partner violence in the United States. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, about 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner. Nationally, approximately one in four women and one in nine men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, sexual violence, and stalking. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Oklahoma has a state-wide, 24-hour hotline available to those affected by domestic violence. Call 800-522-7233 to get connected with resources. Additionally, the Domestic Violence Intervention Services (DVIS) in Tulsa has a 24-hour information and crisis line at 918-743-5763. (What is Domestic Violence? KTUL Article).

I came across this article while checking my email, and now, I’m writing this post about Domestic Violence while my students are in the throes of peer review, and I’m looking around the room with this new, shocking insight regarding our home state. The Oklahoma statistics mean that in this room where I have 7 female students right now, three of them, perhaps even four, are or have been victims of domestic violence.  The addition of myself to the number makes 8 females, and that means on the national average, 2 of us are or have been victims …

At one point in my life, the words, “You don’t know what abuse is,” were said to me to excuse abusive behavior away as somehow acceptable. I was to believe that because I “didn’t have it as bad as some women did,” I should be grateful for the treatment I received – and that I deserved. It wasn’t until I found myself suicidal, alcoholic, and completely broken and wild that I found out the depth of the damage done to my psyche. Two stints in psych wards on suicide watch and intensive meetings with psychiatrists, therapists, and then AA started me on a path to self-discovery and towards fighting to live my life on my own terms. I learned that my experiences had indeed made me a victim of domestic abuse/domestic violence regardless of what I’d been told to believe while in that chaos, and I learned what domestic abuse and domestic violence entail.

According to the UN, the United Nations – a global resource of information and government, “Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence,” can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships, including couples who are married, living together, or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels” (What is Domestic Abuse? UN). 

Domestic Violence is much more than getting punched in the face and/or beaten up physically – though these are both wretched and evil. Don’t fall for the line, “You don’t know what abuse is,” like you should be grateful for the degradation, the suffocation, the humiliation, the fear-invoking, the threats of violence, the hidden bruises no one can see – both internal and external. As the definition above states, abuse is “used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.” It also states, and I want to emphasize, that “this includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.”

These numbers are shocking. Oklahoma leading the list of the amount of abuse is something I am NOT okay with.

To those of you who are perpetrating domestic abuse/violence on another human being … stop. Karma is a bitch, and she’ll come for you.

To those of you who are on the national scale, one of the one in four women and one in nine men, there is life AFTER escape from domestic abuse and violence. There is help. I know it is terrifying. I know it is debilitating. I’ve been in your shoes. Please do not stay in that chaos. Your life is valuable. You are worthy. You do matter. You are much more than a punching bag for fists or words. Please hear me!

To politicians, especially here in Oklahoma, do you see these statistics? Do you let them sink into your mind and shock you? These numbers mean “we” are sick, sick people without self-control who are in desperate need of help – those who are perpetrators and those who are victims. There are men and women among us who sickly believe it is their right to abuse, neglect, and degrade another human soul. This cannot be allowed to continue!

Much like alcoholism and what I wrote regarding it in an earlier post, I realize the only solution to this epidemic of violence and degradation is a spiritual one. Only through deeply learning the Golden Rule and that God loves each person will any rationale and humane treatment of other people, no matter who they are, become the norm. It seems like I’m a mouse fighting a giant, but I will use my little squeaky voice to shout written words!

49.1% of women and 40.7% of men being the victims of domestic violence is NOT acceptable. This MUST be addressed. It must be changed, Oklahoma! Read. Study. Ask what you can do. If each of us who is bothered by this says something … see something, say something … if each of us does this, then a dent can be made in these horrifying numbers! Be willing to listen, to help, to point to help for those who harm and for those who are harmed … even those who harm have been harmed. Truly.

Where do we begin? In the heart. It’s a heart matter. It’s a spiritual matter. We have gone so very wrong somewhere along this path … humanity paving its own destruction because it is unwilling to turn to a loving God.

This all breaks my heart.

Within a half hour of wrapping up this piece of writing yesterday, as class wound down and my students gathered their things to leave the classroom, a young woman who was supposed to have been in that class but missed entered the room. She was in tears. Long story short, she is the victim of domestic violence. She’d found herself hospitalized and then in the psyche ward because she was suicidal. She believed she was crazy. He made her believe she was at fault for everything wrong in their relationship, and she was broken. Because I am a mandatory reporter, I advised her that talking to me meant I had to report our conversation, and she understood. I know it scared her, but I assured her that we, that I, am here to help. I made her promise me that she would not cause harm to herself but that she would reach out if she needed to – and I pointed her to assistance beyond what I could offer in a brief conversation.

I left enraged and emboldened. I will continue to share these statistics, talk about these things in my classrooms, and point people toward help—no matter if they are the perpetrator or the victim. We have to do better! One out of two women in Oklahoma is unacceptable. One out of four women in the United States of America is also unacceptable. This has to be talked about, shared, and not swept under the rug and allowed to go on.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. It’s not a difficult concept, but for some reason (could it be because the Devil hates God and wants us all destroyed), people are incapable of treating others the way they want to be treated. Humans are selfish, revengeful creatures and believe it is a right to exact revenge, to come out on top, to belittle and hurt and destroy … this is not from good. This is from the opposite of good, which does exist. These behaviors are evil.

I asked Google, “How does the Bible say we should treat each other?” My search took me to www.openbible.info and the following verses: “How to Treat Others.”

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Luke 6:31 ESV  

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

Ephesians 4:29-32 ESV  

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

John 15:12 ESV

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

Matthew 7:12 ESV  

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

1 John 4:20-21 ESV  

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Romans 12:10 ESV

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Proverbs 24:17 ESV  

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles,

Romans 15:1-2 ESV 

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.

1 Peter 3:8-12 ESV

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

Philippians 2:4 ESV  

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

1 Peter 2:17 ESV

Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.

Matthew 6:14-15 ESV

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 ESV

Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.

Colossians 3:12-14 ESV

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Romans 12:18 ESV

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. …

James 2:1-13 ESV

My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? …

Romans 12:17-21 ESV

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Philippians 2:3 ESV

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Mark 12:31 ESV

The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

John 13:34 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Romans 10:12 ESV  

For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him.

Matthew 19:19 ESV

Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

John 13:34-35 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

1 John 3:18 ESV

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

1 John 4:20 ESV  

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Matthew 7:3-5 ESV

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Matthew 5:44 ESV 

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

Ephesians 4:2 ESV

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Hebrews 10:24 ESV

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,

Galatians 5:14 ESV 

For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Luke 6:35-36 ESV

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV

Let all that you do be done in love.

John 3:16 ESV

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

1 Peter 3:8 ESV

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.

Leviticus 19:18 ESV

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

Ephesians 4:29 ESV  

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Matthew 5:43-48 ESV

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? …

James 1:19 ESV

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

John 15:13 ESV

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

1 John 4:19 ESV

We love because he first loved us.

1 John 3:11 ESV  

For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Hebrews 13:2 ESV  

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

Luke 6:27 ESV

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

Galatians 5:26 ESV

Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

Romans 13:1-7 ESV

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. …

Philippians 2:3-4 ESV

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Colossians 3:13 ESV

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Ephesians 4:31 ESV

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Galatians 5:13 ESV 

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

Luke 17:3-4 ESV

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

1 Peter 5:5 ESV

Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Ephesians 6:1-3 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Proverbs 17:9 ESV

Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.

1 Peter 3:1-22 ESV

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, …

Hebrews 12:14-15 ESV

Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

John 14:15 ESV

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.

Matthew 25:40 ESV

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

Proverbs 29:11 ESV  

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Philippians 2:2 ESV

Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

Proverbs 18:24 ESV

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 17:17 ESV

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 16:28 ESV

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Matthew 5:21-22 ESV

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

Proverbs 15:1 ESV

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Matthew 5:9 ESV

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Matthew 18:15-17 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Matthew 5:38-42 ESV

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

John 3:16-17 ESV

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

Revelation 1:1 ESV

The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants the things that must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John,

Matthew 18:15-18 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Proverbs 22:3 ESV

The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

Proverbs 16:7 ESV  

When a man’s ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

Luke 6:30 ESV

Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.

Matthew 18:15 ESV

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

Colossians 3:12 ESV

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,

Ephesians 5:29 ESV

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

Exodus 20:12 ESV

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Titus 2:7 ESV

Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity,

Luke 6:27-36 ESV  

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. …

Deuteronomy 5:16 ESV

“‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Titus 2:3 ESV

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,

Ephesians 6:5-9 ESV /

Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

Galatians 5:14-15 ESV

For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.

1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV  

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 ESV

We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.

Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

John 3:1-36 ESV

Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.” Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. …

Isaiah 1:1-31 ESV  

The vision of Isaiah the son of Amoz, which he saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem in the days of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, kings of Judah. Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the Lord has spoken: “Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me. The ox knows its owner, and the donkey its master’s crib, but Israel does not know, my people do not understand.” Ah, sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, offspring of evildoers, children who deal corruptly! They have forsaken the Lord, they have despised the Holy One of Israel, they are utterly estranged. Why will you still be struck down? Why will you continue to rebel? The whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. …

Matthew 18:21-22 ESV

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Proverbs 28:1 ESV  

The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.

James 2:8-16 ESV

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. …

Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV  

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

I Braced For What Didn’t Come

Written in January 2024.

A couple of months ago, I signed our company up for a marketing service – and I’ll keep the names out of this post to ‘protect the innocent’ – namely myself-ish. I thought I understood how it, the marketing service, worked, and things seemed to be rolling along okay with it … we got a few calls and a couple of jobs. I thought nothing more of it and just went on with my days as usual. Then, yesterday morning, a bill hit our credit card for $570. Capital One notified me – they sent a potential fraud alert notice, and I panicked. My heart dropped out of me … that’s putting it lightly. Old emotions, reactions, and thoughts rushed back, and I froze – incapacitated by the idea of my husband finding out about the exorbitant charge, about my stupidity in allowing the situation to unfold in the first place, and I racked my brain as to why the marketing company was charging so much – I had no answers before the questions were asked, and triggered by the past, I wanted to curl up inside myself, suck my thumb, and just die. In my previous life, a situation like this precipitated an all-out war. Yelling, name-calling, potential escalation to breaking things, and bruises – and many tears on my part. Explanations. Excuses. Frantic bouts of trying to ‘fix’ things. Hating myself because I was exactly what I was called – a crybaby, weak, stupid, a fuck-up. I braced for impact, and I told Patrick, my husband, about the charge of $570 on the credit card, that we’d been notified about potential fraud, and that the charge was from the marketing company. My mind raged in its own battle – half of it allowing old situations to cloud any rational thought I endeavored to hold on to – as I waited for his response. Potential scenarios unfolded while rational thoughts said, ‘Stop it, Dacia.’

He heard me. His face bore no frustration. No anger. He simply asked me to explain it again, and then, he called Capital One and got the charge suspended. Then, he talked me through what I had signed up for and what I hadn’t. My freaked-out brain couldn’t fully recall how it had all gone down when I signed up for the service, so he read the terms and conditions himself. Then, he calmly had me cancel the service, and then, keeping me sitting there next to him, he called the company and let them know what he thought of their ‘marketing’ a product that didn’t warrant the cost when it certainly did not produce promised results. He noticed me shaking and squirming while he was on the phone, and he whispered to me, “It’s okay.”

Once off the phone, he said, “Well, that’s taken care of.” With a smile, he asked if he should yell at me then, and then, he came up with ‘punishments’ for me … which involve kissing and husband and wife stuff. He wrapped me up in a hug and told me he loves me. There was no yelling. No hammer dropped. I had braced for what did not come, and on the side of the event, I am reminded of how much and why I love this man and why I am so grateful to God for Him.

Understanding Mitral Valve Regurgitation – My Story

“Can you describe how your heart feels abnormal?”

My cardiologist asked me that question last year, and I thought about it for a second, realizing that because he asked me how my heart feels abnormal, I understood that what I do feel is not normal. I realized I don’t know what “normal” feels like, and I don’t remember if I ever felt “normal.” In the eighth grade, I was diagnosed with Mitral valve prolapse; it’s something I never gave much thought to because I was told it was fairly common. I knew any time I was going to go to the dentist for work like fillings or surgery, I was to tell the offices in advance that I had Mitral valve prolapse so they could get me a script for an antibiotic, which I had to take for five days before those appointments. Still, it was not something I took seriously nor thought much about until this past February when I went to my cardiologist’s office for a blood pressure med check appointment, and the CNA I saw listened to my heart and expressed concern at what she heard. She ordered an EKG on the spot, gave me a heart monitor to wear for two days, and ordered an Echocardiogram. Truthfully, I was irritated – it was just a med check appointment, and I almost didn’t go.

Once all three tests were completed, I received a call from a cardiac specialist’s office, ready to set me up with appointments with the cardiac specialist and the cardiac surgeon. That phone call in April left me confused and concerned, to say the least; still, though, I didn’t think too much about it beyond, “What the heck?” Also, why hadn’t my cardiologist’s office contacted me themselves about the test results … So, Patrick and I made those appointments – and we walked away with the understanding that my heart does not function normally – that it is “severely leaking,” and it requires open heart surgery to repair it. To be told this was like unexpectedly getting hit in the head with a sack of potatoes. We left the building, sat outside the specialist’s office on a bench, and held hands, both of us in shock – thinking, praying, wiping tears, and wondering at the immediate future and beyond. In the weeks since I was told that I would be having open heart surgery to either repair or replace my Mitral Valve and had the status of my heart explained to me, I have thought a lot about that question my cardiologist asked me a year ago, “Can you describe how your heart feels abnormal?”

The answer is that I can only tell you I feel my heart. I’m aware of it most of the time. I have a heaviness in my chest – I don’t know how to describe it other than to say, ‘a heaviness.’ Sometimes, it is more pronounced, but I am always aware of my heart beating. Sometimes, I feel it and hear it beating in my ears – not audibly where anyone around me can hear it, but I do. Internally. It’s weird. Every time I lay down, I have a “flushing” – a rush of what must be ill-guided blood that flushes my body – and it feels central to my heart; it causes a dizzy sensation that overtakes me completely for 20-40 seconds – like a handheld lava lamp that you can tilt back and forth, and the goo runs one way and then the next. I worry that I might explode …. Over the last few years, it has gotten more pronounced – and it is every time I lay down – if Patrick is near, I hold on for dear life – as if he could do something about it. Sometimes, I am standing, and I get dizzy. No reason necessarily, just dizzy, and I grab onto whatever or whoever is near me. Sometimes, my heart feels like a ball with too much air pumped into it, which might burst. I feel short of breath, and I find myself touching my chest as if that can somehow calm how the most vital organ inside my body feels. Sometimes, I feel it “skip beats.” However, what I know now is that it’s not skipping beats as much as it is working overtime, fluttering (which is Premature Ventricular Contraction) because my mitral valve is “severely leaking,” which is called Mitral Valve Regurgitation. To better put it into words, here is what the Cleveland Clinic’s website says regarding Mitral Valve Regurgitation. It says, “Mitral valve regurgitation. This is commonly known as a ‘leaky valve.’ Your valve flaps don’t close all the way, leading to some blood leaking in the wrong direction. This is most often caused by mitral valve prolapse. Mitral valve prolapse. People with this condition have mitral valve flaps that are too floppy or stretchy. About 6 in 10 mitral valve surgeries are due to leaky valves caused by leaflet prolapse.”   The PVCs are my lower atrium working overtime to keep up with the inability of my Mitral Valve to pump blood through my heart correctly. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) are extra heartbeats that begin in one of the heart’s two lower pumping chambers (ventricles). These extra beats disrupt the regular heart rhythm, sometimes causing a sensation of a fluttering or a skipped beat in the chest.”  The echocardiogram from April revealed that I have a “significant” number of PVCs occurring in singlets, couplets, and triplets. I feel these all day, every day … but I didn’t realize this was abnormal. Now, I do, and I’m hyper-aware of them.

“Can you describe how your heart feels abnormal?” is a strange question to ask someone who does not know how a “normal” heart feels because they’ve either never had one or gotten so used to subtle changes over time that ‘normal’ changed along with the functioning of the heart. Now that I know my heart is not “normal,” I’m looking forward to getting on the other side of surgery to discover what heart normies experience – what it is to not be aware of my heart every moment, to not feel, like I do right now as I’m writing this, that there is a heaviness in my chest, a burden, and I have to draw a deep breath for relief which only lasts a moment before the heaviness returns and the sensations of fluttering occur.

Yesterday, the required bloodwork was completed for procedures this upcoming Monday, June 3rd. My doctors will put scopes down my esophagus and up through an artery in my thigh, and they will take pictures with tiny cameras of the inside and the backside of my heart. It is my understanding that with these pictures, the surgeon will determine what type of surgery will be completed to help me be more ‘normal’ and have the greatest opportunity for good quality of life for a longer time. If left alone with no surgery, there is the risk of sudden death with my condition – and most certainly progressive Congestive Heart Failure, which is what took my Momma from us in a prolonged fashion that stole her quality of life and left her dependent upon an oxygen machine and incapable of doing all the things she loved to do. You better believe my sweet Momma is heavy on my mind. With her heart failure, by the time the surgeon went in to try to repair her Mitral Valve, her heart’s condition was too weakened. In their endeavor to repair her heart, it began clotting, and they had to admit defeat at correcting her condition. My doctors assured me that I am ‘young,’ which I thanked them for, and they believe surgery is my only option for, as I said, good quality of life for a longer time.

It will either be a Mitral Valve Replacement or a Mitral Valve Repair. I’ve done reading, of course, and the repair seems like the much better option. I’m not going to stress, though … this is in God’s hands, and what will be will be. I’ll either wake up from surgery with recovery to do and life to continue to live for as long as God has me here on this earth in this mortal body, or I’ll wake up in the presence of God, my tasks on earth complete. Either way, I’m choosing to live each moment in front of me as it comes right now, in the present, enjoying my husband, laughing with my children, reaching out to friends, learning to rest, making amends, preparing my classes, and anticipating a new batch of students, and just being grateful for this life I have and the opportunity to bring smiles and hope to others.

On the other side of surgery, I fully intend, God willing, to document the healing process—perhaps this will help someone else along the way to understand what “normal” is and what it is not so that help can be sought early. Normie heart people, apparently, don’t feel their heart every moment of every day or experience what I shared here … if your heart feels funky, get checked. Listen to your heart …

That reminds me of a song—”Listen to Your Heart” by Roxette, and now my mind is wandering. This is proof that it’s time to move on to another activity—like listening to that awesome song.