The Prayer of St. Francis

The Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!

That where there is hatred, I may bring love.

That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.

That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.

That where there is error, I may bring truth.

That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.

That where there is despair, I may bring hope.

That where there are shadows, I may bring light.

That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted.

To understand, than to be understood.

To love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.

It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

I Did Something Right

Well, I say that I did something right. The reality is that God has done something incredible despite me, my behaviors, my reactions, and my inadequacies.

My 6 children are friends.

Most evenings, the 6 of them, ranging in age from 27 to 15, are in a game server (created by my oldest son) and a video chat together. They talk. They laugh. They share themselves and their lives with each other. They talk about God, life, politics, and love. They tease each other. They are fierce about each other. They are each others’ best friends – in and out of the video chat and game server. How technology helps keep them connected amazes me. I have a Discord account, too, encouraged by my #4 kiddo, but I do not know how to use it. Ha. Getting old, I guess.

I am beyond happy, as their mother, that my 6 babies love each other. It feels miraculous, given what our family has been through throughout its existence.

Every day, they are each one, individually and as a group, on my mind, and I thank God for how He has kept my children tight despite me, despite the divorce, and despite what we have all been through. My children’s love of each other is what I’ve always asked God for, and He has answered this mother’s prayer. The Bible says, “Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened.” For my children, I have done this. I have asked, sought, and knocked. This comes from Mathew 7:7. Below, I have included verses 7 – 12.

Ask, Seek, Knock

⁷“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. ⁸For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

⁹“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ¹²So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

I am grateful.

Truly, if my children stay close to each other, and I’m not included in that circle, I will still be happy. I will still know that God has a plan. I will continue to pray for them, love them, and be excited to catch glimpses of how God works in their lives as they get all up into their adult lives.

To be honest, I must admit the only thing I’ve done right here is to pray for my children.

All the credit for who my children are and who they are to each other goes to God.

Before I complete this post, I have to direct us all to verse 12 above. So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. These are words my kids were raised with. My life’s theme has been Love Your Neighbor as Yourself and The Golden Rule. Not that I’ve always gotten it right, because God knows (literally, God knows) that I have not always done things right, and at times, I have been far from doing things right, but I do believe this is the message I am on this earth to share. It is the core of my being to treat others the way I want to be treated, and it is the theme of my now-marriage, my conversations, my classrooms, my friendships, and my parenting.

A Tribute to My Sister

My husband’s ex-wife became my sister.

This may sound like a lyric from a Ray Stevens song, but it’s not. It is a truth that is the very picture of God’s grace in my life.

Years ago Patrick and Sonya were married, and it was another time, another place. They were oil and water married. Better friends not married. Through Patrick, Sonya became ingrained into his family. A daughter to his mother. A best friend to his sister. One of the greatest friends of his life. Their paths never diverged from that friendship, and they’ve lived as brother and sister through life’s ups and downs.

When Patrick and I were dating, I was introduced to Sonya as a part of the family, and though at first, I bristled at being friends with an ex-wife, I soon came to love her deeply. Her kindness and her strength. Her generosity and her love of God. Her laughter and her love of her husband James. Her positivity despite cancer’s intrusion into her life and her daily prayers and encouragement in the family text thread. Her gratefulness that Patrick and I found each other to love. Her fierce loyalty to those she chose as family. Her selflessness that she showed when she sat with me and held my hand for three hours without saying a word at the Clarehouse hospice care home as Momma’s life on this earth drew closer to its end. Sonya’s wisdom and internal peace make her beautiful beyond adequate words. Her life displays “Love Your Neighbor As Yourself” like no other I’ve encountered.

Two months ago, in a quiet moment, Sonya hugged me and told me she was grateful to God for making us sisters. Oh, me too. Me too, sweet sister, Sonya. You have forever imprinted on my heart and my soul. I will miss you in the days I have left on this earth, but I will daily strive to maintain the serenity that you walked in and love fiercely like you.

On August the 9th, Sonya’s spirit left this earth and soared into the arms of Jesus. Cancer thinks it beat her, but she’s not beaten! She is victorious!

Amen, Sister! Be free from pain and embrace your Heavenly reward! We will be together again. Until that day comes, to any one who reads this …

None of us has a guaranteed number of days on this earthly plain that we are aware of.

Have eyes to see the grace of God in your life and be grateful.

Love fiercely!

Live victoriously!

He Still Used Her

Your relationship with Jesus is YOUR relationship with Jesus. Period.

You be right with Him despite your past. Don’t listen to those who tell you that you should live in shame for your former actions or treat you with judgment for those things. Their choices to speak those things or treat you a certain way are between them and Jesus.

Let that be. It is not for you to judge.

You choose to pursue the Christ whose GRACE is sufficient to cover your sins. Live for Him. Let Him use your story to heal others.

This is my story.

When I read the attached words, “The woman at the well had been divorced 5 times, and Jesus still used her. Don’t let people count you out because you have a complicated past. Jesus preserves your future,” I immediately posted it to Facebook. Why? Because this is a lesson I’ve learned, painstakingly learned, and I want others to hear it and KNOW this deep in their souls. Far too many people walk around in shame of past transgressions and unforgiveness of others and themselves when the Grace of God says to let it go. Now.

The Grace of God covers over a multitude of sins

Amen, and amen.

This is What Makes My Man Stand Out.

He wrote these words today on our family message thread; these words encompass who Patrick Cunningham is and one of the many reasons that I love him and am grateful to be his wife. He is willing to – and does – take responsibility for his own choices.

He plays no blame game.

This is something he shares with others – and it frustrates him that so many don’t seem to catch on – but he consistently moves forward doing what he knows is right – often saying “I’m going to do the next right thing” – whether others join him or not. He recognizes he is responsible for himself before God and that he alone will answer for the choices he has made in this life.

People often misinterpret his direct nature – and I see this. I watch this, and I know it is because my husband walks through life with an awareness that life is short – and that it is a spiritual experience.

His favorite saying right now is, “I’m going to live until I die.” Every day is about time alone with God, growth, self-awareness, responsibility, truth, embracing moments, being in “today,” and entertaining no drama. When encountering drama, he calls it out. People tend not to like this, but I watch, listen, reflect, and learn.

Life is short, and we are here at God’s pleasure. This is a spiritual experience; there is no time for drama. We are to do the next right thing. Every moment. Every day. We are to understand we are responsible for our own choices – in all things. We will not stand before God and say, “Well, he …” and point at another. No, that is not how it works.

II Corinthians 10: 3 – 5 … ³For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

My husband gets this, and I am learning. Take captive every thought. Do not wage war as the world does. Love God first and foremost about all else. This is what makes my man stand out. Not his tattoos. Not his piercing blue eyes. It is his love of God and Jesus Christ.

I tell him all the time that there is no one like him. Not that I know, anyway.

“I Know What I Saw”

Watching paranormal shows is a not-so-guilty pleasure for my husband and me. “Ghost Adventures,” “The Dead Files,” and “A Haunting” top the list, but we will watch any that are recent and well-produced. Last night we came across “My Haunted House,” and I confess, I jumped and yelled out more than once. More than once last night in two episodes, I heard people recount their stories of paranormal events, and they said, “I know what I saw.” Whether or not anyone believed them, they said, “I know what I saw.”

I’m a firm believer that the supernatural realm is real – though I do not know how or why. In the Bible, there are instances of those who had died reappearing in both the Old and New Testaments. Angels and demons are talked of in real terms – like the angels with chariots of fire surrounding Elisha and his servant. Elisha prayed for God to open the servant’s eyes … and He did. Jesus cast “Legion” out of a man and into a herd of pigs. “Legion” knew who Jesus was, and it was terrified. Saul went to see a medium and had her call up Samuel from the dead for him to talk to. Samuel was most displeased, and Saul died not long after. Moses and Elijah spoke with Jesus – and the disciples witnessed it.

People that I love have had spiritual encounters, and I have heard their stories. I have also heard of frightening encounters that people I know have had. I do not doubt or question their experiences. What I know is this … God is a lot bigger than me, and just because I find something hard to digest or understand does not make it less real. So, I believe the supernatural realm is real. It’s all around us.

This is one of the reasons I’m intrigued by paranormal shows. Do I believe everything I see on these shows? No. Some folks are getting their 15 minutes of fame, but there are some … you have to sit back and think, wow. Okay. I’m always in a space where I’m wondering if those who have gone on before are in a supernatural state waiting for Christ to return – and they are outside of time but present. Or do all believers go on straight to Heaven … but if they’re outside of time, then that could be immediately or not … I have no earthly idea. Literally. Is it only those who were unbelievers in their living years that are stuck in a waiting space – waiting on the day of judgment to arrive? Is that purgatory? Is being stuck in an earth-bound but ghostly state – is that purgatory? Can people be moved on to the light? Is it possible for them to not know they’re dead? I don’t know. I just have no idea, and it intrigues me. I want to know more about Heaven and life beyond what we know here on this earth. Do all humans go immediately to another place upon death in their spirits? Does the supernatural realm that exists around us on this earth only consists of angels and demons? That’s possible. I know that. So many questions, and I’m intrigued.

I believe that there’s more to “reality” than what we see, hear, touch, feel, and taste on this earth, though, until about a month ago, I’d never had any unusual circumstances in my own life.

It was 9:15 a.m. or around that time. My class would begin at 9:30, and I sat at my large metal desk in my office preparing my lecture, doing final touches, and, also, talking to my daughter, Kennedy, on the phone. Sitting catercorner on my desk is a desk organizer that holds pens, markers, a notebook, and some bookmarks – items I need from time to time. There is no fan in my office, no window, and the door was closed. It was just me in the room, though Kennedy was on the phone, and as we talked, I noticed the black marker in the desk organizer began to move side to side. The red and green markers next to it, partitioned separately, did not move. The pens and pencils on the other side of it (partitioned in another section) did not move. Just the black marker. It lasted seconds, but I saw it.

“Did I just see that?” I said out loud.

“What, Mom?” Kennedy said.

“The marker on my desk just moved!”

“What?”

“The marker on my desk just moved back and forth by itself! It’s standing up in the desk organizer, and it just moved side to side on its own!” I kicked my desk. It did not move. I shoved my desk. It did not move. I told Kennedy what I was doing. She said, “Mom! Really?” I’m not sure what that was supposed to mean – perhaps that her mother is crazy … but …

I know what I saw.

It was time to head to the classroom, so I packed up my stuff, said “adios” to my daughter, and I walked to the office door. I took a look back toward my desk, where all was still. Just wow. Okay … I went to class and put the odd occurrence out of my mind.

The following week, it was a Tuesday, I believe. Patrick was home. He and I were home alone – in the dining room. As we normally do, we were talking – about life, everything, all subjects welcome. We enjoy each other’s company. He often sits by the fireplace and smokes, and I sit nearby, and we talk hours away. We decided to go to Lowes – which is another thing we often do as we are remodeling our home. So much do we visit Lowes that some of the employees know us by name, and we know theirs. I’m so effective at using their app that I can locate products before their younger employees can say, “I don’t know,” and they fumble with their Lowes phones, which is a common response when you ask for a super particular product location. I’ll find it for us. No worries. So, that particular day, Patrick and I were plotting our trip to Lowes. He said something about a smell, but we dismissed it. I stood up and noticed between our french doors, which sit on the west side of our house, and our dining room table, there was a low level of smoke. Patrick saw it too. It was about 3′ high and about as wide as it was high. It was unmoving, but it was there.

In that part of the room, there is an outlet, so I moved toward the outlet to see if we had a fire brewing. Nothing. The smoke disappeared. We were both standing now, looking around. There are no other outlets in that area, no fire in the fireplace, nothing burning, and no more smell. Nothing. To be safe, it was decided that I would stay home to keep an eye on things just in case there was a fire, and he would go to Lowes and get what we needed for the project that day. After he left, I sat and watched that area from about 10′ away. I watched the whole area. The paper snowflakes I’d hung for the Christmas season still hung from the ceiling all around the room, and a few near the french doors moved slightly. Nope, thought I. I got the ladder from the garage, and I took all of the snowflakes down. The smoke never returned. It has been over three weeks, and it has never returned. That’s a slow-brewing fire if that’s what it was …

I’m not saying it was or was not paranormal, but I know what I saw.

Sobriety Celebration! 🎉

Today marks 2 years free from alcohol for me. It’s my sober birthday! January 4th. This is a day I will celebrate every year, and in it, be proud of myself and grateful for God and His great mercy!

Many might not know that I struggled with alcohol addiction … though I never tasted an alcoholic drink until I was 32 years old, the addictive personality, or rather , allergy, was there lurking inside me. It manifested in other ways. Attention seeking. Shopping. Eating. And then … a strawberry daiquiri changed things. I won’t recount the whole story, but suffice it to say, I came to rely heavily upon alcohol to get through my roller coaster life. Wine, Rum, Vodka, Tequila … dangerous obsessions for a sick heart and mind that only ever wanted and needed to escape.

There’s a novel in there, but I’m not writing it now, if ever. It’s my story, and I learn every day more and more about the Grace of God, and my word now is “Grateful.”

I will celebrate this birthday with joy! And I will know I am in good company! Congratulations to Sir Anthony Hopkins on 47 years! And congratulations to my husband Patrick, on the 12th, he will have 36 years sober! 🎉

If you’re struggling, do find a 12 Step Program. 🤗 It can change your life.

Information Access in Danger!

Earlier this week, my sister–in-law made an appointment with America’s Frontline Doctors. She spoke to a doctor and received a prescription that would come through the mail. The doctor did not push ideas or beliefs on her. The doctor listened to her, asked relevant questions to the illness, and then, she prescribed my sister-in-law medications that the government, Fauci, most medical doctors under the money umbrella of Fauci and Big pharma, and pharmacies in general will not prescribe or allow access to. These same esteemed folks who cry “listen to the science!” will not allow that there are medications that help – and there is science to reinforce and prove that medications exist that alleviate symptoms and get people on their feet quickly. It’s not their science, so it is labeled misinformation. (No matter the vast amount of evidences that their vaccine is killing people and damaging people in the thousands – this information is squelched, censored, removed … anything contrary to what they want YOU to know or believe is labeled misinformation.)

After my sister-in-law’s experience reaching America’s Frontline Doctors, I got on their website and tried to make an appointment. Time after time, I got an error screen. I could press “Make an appointment” but I could never get to the appointment screen. Error. Error. I tried on my computer and on my phone. Error. Error. I contacted my sister-in-law and asked her if that had happened to her at all. She said no, so she set out to make the appointment for me.

It worked for her. While she was getting the appointment secured, a thought crossed my mind.

It had come to our attention recently that the CEO of AT&T was anti-conservative – and we have already begun a discussion about choosing a different internet service, so as not to support AT&T and their CEOs agenda. In light of this, the thought that crossed my mind was … turn off your WiFi. What if …

Without my AT&T WiFi on, the Americas Frontline Doctors site worked perfectly. I was able to access the information my sister-in-law had put in on my account.

Deep breath.

Taking away people’s right to information to make decisions for themselves is NOT freedom. It is the opposite of freedom. It is communism. It is control “for the better of the people” … these ‘leaders’ think they know what is best for the people – and they’re going to control the narrative because right now, they have power. AT&T, I see you. You are determining what I can and what I cannot access. You’re not the only one … It’s disgusting. It is evil. It is wrong.

People have the inherent right to study and read and know for themselves – to access information wherein they can make informed decisions. When information is silenced, that access is denied to information – and that is WRONG.

I teach this in my classrooms – I will never be the professor who pushes a personal belief agenda on students beyond READ FOR YOURSELVES. Research. Read opposing perspectives! Weigh them against each other! Understand that in this world, you have to dig for opposing ideas because left and right information is being labeled as “misinformation” that is, in fact, just information that does not suit the powerful’s agenda. I teach my students to be informed people. Know all the angles. Know all the aspects. Seek the motivations – and make solid determinations for your own mind and your own soul. Seek knowledge beyond what is allowed to you. When a thing is hidden this hard, there is obviously something in it that someone doesn’t want you to know. This has been true throughout history. It’s common sense. Unfortunately, most people/sheeple don’t take time to know history, don’t have interest in the workings of humanity, and therefore they are easily led by power hungry elites.

I try to do my part in the classroom – teaching CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS. These are a lost art nowadays … I push my students to dig into the why of a belief – who is behind it, why does it exist, what is it based upon … I promise them I will never judge them or fail them if they have a belief that is different from my own. I want them to show me in their essays that no matter what their belief is that they can support it with evidence AND that they can admit opposing perspectives exist and counter those as effectively as they can through research and insight.

This becomes more difficult when even AT&T is controlling what YOU can read and what YOU can do online. This should concern EVERY person. No matter political belief because the funny thing about power is that it always changes hands.

Those who are wanting to take away freedoms now, when the power shifts, are going to want their freedoms back. The rules are okay now for them because they suit their needs … but the day will come where they will need cry rooms and a plethora of Kleenex as the tide turns. And it will. It always does.

That’s life – and if people would pay attention to history, they’d know that.

Suffice it to say, I’m looking over internet choices – and will be making a switch away from AT&T.

It is shameful that they will use their power to control what people can access. Shameful.

God does not do that.

God is good. He allows people choice – He allows all of humanity the ability to choose for themselves – and people make a mess of life because we are flawed, greedy, selfish, pridefilled – and He allows it. He does not shut off access to information – He lets us plunge into the depths of whatever we choose … and we find ourselves lost and trapped and trying to fill endless holes in our souls for power, wealth, health …

That way – when people come to the end of themselves and finally turn to Him and choose Him – it is because they have come to admit that their own pursuit of knowledge and power are nothing without Him.

Some will. Some won’t. He knows that. He allows that. He wants followers who truly love Him. Who choose Him.

Governments could learn a lot from following God’s ways. But they won’t because that requires giving up their false perception of control. Ah life … it just rolls on and ONE day, He will call it all to and end. Maranatha, Lord. Maranatha.

Wonder how long it will take for this to get flagged in some way as misinformation. LOL. All I am saying is allow people access to information so they can THINK for themselves!

AH … that’s right, you don’t think they can, do you, Fauci or Biden or any number of other power elites? You don’t think we can think for ourselves.

God wins in the end. It’s already written.

COVID-19 = Spin The Bottle in a way

COVID-19 is like playing a mashup version of Spin The Bottle and Russian Roulette. You know the bottle will eventually point at you, and the gun is fully loaded. That’s the anxiety, isn’t it?

The waiting on the invisible to our naked eye has many people scared, perhaps a better word is “concerned,” but I see more fear and anger born out of the game-driven anxiety. I get it. I was there. Until I tested positive for COVID-19.

Then, it was surrender. Okay, now what. We survived it with mild symptoms, as do 8 out of 10 patients, according to WebMd and Healthline news. The CDC site says the hospitalization rate is 4.6 per 100,000. The Who says 80% of infections are mild to asymptomatic, 15% are severe, and 5% are critical.

It is real. I have had it. I understand the anxiety of “if I get it” or “when I get it.” I’ve been in your proverbial shoes. Breathe, y’all. Please. Yes, it is a kindness to wear your mask in public, so let’s do that. But, the anxiety, fear, anger … let’s let that go.

Let’s stop saying politics has anything to do with this. I read someone say the way the President has handled this is abysmal. I rolled my eyes, because here’s what I know … I wouldn’t have known what to do with a rapidly changing, faster spreading virus in a world where germ warfare is easily accomplished. Would you? Seriously. We, as people, are quick to judge, hate, protest, be the loudest in the room … kinda baffles my brain.

How about we breathe. Think, in kindness, about the needs of others around us, and not just the people whose politics align with our own. Let’s be folks who listen to others, put ourselves in other’s shoes. Consider. Let’s be people who can engage in true argument, which means rational debate. Non-emotional. Without judgment. Without fear. Without anger. Let’s work toward solution together.

Perhaps that’s too difficult. It shouldn’t be.

Btw … as far as my “rights” go … it is my “right” to love my neighbor as myself, Scripturally speaking. That is my value. Hearing Christians profess their “rights” all over FB and IG is confusing to me, because our mandate is to Love. That does not align with selfishness. It aligns with selflessness.

Breathe. Chances are decent you may get the virus, but the majority who do will be mild. You can handle the symptoms. Stay home. Rest. Let it pass. I’m telling you, in my experience, the loss of taste and smell for 10 days was the most bizarre part. I didn’t enjoy diarrhea for 17 days, but it passed.

On the other side now, I need you to hear me say … breathe. Stop making it political. Be kind. Research. Participate in true argument. Be rational, not anxious or angry. Help your fellow man/woman by being informed and by loving your neighbor as yourself. It will help.

No need for the twisted version of Spin the Bottle/Russian Roulette/hate mongering so many are playing.

I love you all. 😘

It Can Happen To You

“It won’t happen to me.” Never say that.

This morning, I received the test results. Positive for COVID-19.

My mother has also tested positive. She’s been in the hospital since this past Friday for a COPD issue, and was scheduled to be released today, until I got my test results. They retested her. She is positive and has been moved to the COVID floor.

My dad is on his way to a testing site right now.

Today has been chaos in my mind. But I wanted to briefly talk about this illness and my experience thus far. Spread awareness.

None of the symptoms have been consistent other than an overall sense of blah. Since Monday evening, June 15th, I have experienced all of the following but not all at the same time:

– achiness

– chills

– fever (began on Thursday, June 18th at about 4:30 p.m. and lasted until sometime between 2:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. the following morning. I woke up in a sweat. The fever was horrid, and it has not returned.

– dry cough. Almost 0% mucus.

– sneezing

– headache

– lack of taste and smell

– chest feels heavy and tight

– once I experienced pain with breathing on the night of June 19th when I laid down to sleep. It hurt, and set me to coughing and I did, at that time, feel a difficulty in breathing. I drank water and was able to go to sleep.

– if I take a deep breath, I cough

These are the things I can think of as I sit here mulling over the last week. Not one symptom beyond an overall feeling of blah has been daily or consistent. In fact, most every day I have had periods of time where I have felt totally fine. Well, better, and then, the achiness returned.

It is an odd illness, and I do not enjoy it.

I assured my 20-year old daughter this morning that the “Rona” is not going to take me out. My children are all concerned, and I understand that. I, too, am a child though I am 47 years old.

I am very concerned for my mother, who has COPD and Congestive Heart Failure.

The doctor wants to send her home from the hospital tomorrow to quarantine, as it will be safer for her overall because most likely we have the same strain of the illness. This is his thought process.

There is NO way to tell where this came from for us. No blame to toss. Just know, it is out there, and it is weird.

Please pray for us, most specifically for my mother and my father – that we will weather this illness and be healthy very shortly.

Keep washing your hands! Know it is lurking anywhere and probably everywhere. You don’t want this.