My Aspie Went Walkabout

Written on April 6, 2015

In the midst of a house full of family and friends this evening, my 18-year-old son decided to go for a walk. He told no one. Not one soul – all of his closest friends were here. He told nobody, just slipped away. We searched the house, the darkest parts of the yard, called him, texted him, and nothing. No response.

In mother-style, I was ready to call in troops and organize search parties. We did … In the manner of Sprint Family Locator. And where was the boy? In Maryland Heights! That’s a 15-20 minute drive, let alone a walk! What was he thinking? That’s my question. We tracked him, found him, recovered his speed-walking self.

He’s home, fully lectured and scolded by his shorter-than-him mother. I stood under his face, finger pointed up to his nose, and I felt taken back in time to days long past when he occasionally stood shorter than me and in trouble – big blue eyes watering because mommy was upset. Rarely happened. Just a look from me was all it took. So, again to my adult son, I gave that look. Only from beneath his questioning blue eyes this time..

Questioning because he does not fully grasp the situation. What’s it like to parent an Aspergian child? This. Something spurred him to take that walk. I’ve not received an answer from him concerning what as of yet. None of his friends knew. Not a sister or a brother. No reasoning. That will come, but in the moment when the walk came to his mind, he could do nothing but. And walk, he did – my eldest Aspergers boy.

We’ve done the calculations – seems he walked over 10 miles before his father found him.

Frightening? Yes, but not for the reasons that first come to mind. Safety and all. That’s not it. It’s that this boy is a man. Almost 19. Soon he will no longer live under my roof and walkabouts can be a regular part of his routine. That is fine, I think. In most social settings he does fine. He gets by. People like him. He’s genuinely a great guy, older than his years in many ways – serious, focused, without need of much silliness or play. He does not grasp how his actions affect those around him. Nor does he comprehend how to appropriately navigate emotions from others. This is where the momma bear in me whats to always be on hand. I have to guide him and his ancient soul.

Perhaps though, that is exactly what I need not to do. Perhaps, walkabouts are just what he needs. Via this ordeal, I’ve discovered this is not his first adventurous blind walk. There’ve been several, unbeknownst to me. What I told him was this … (this was his lecture) … as long as you live under this roof, tell someone you’re going for a walk. Answer your phone when we call you. Once you’re on your own, walk whenever you want. Be Forest Gump, I said – and drew a laugh from the boy-man.

Ah … walkabout.

When Your Aspie Wants To Be “Normal”

The young man in the following post is 22 now. 22 with a girlfriend and $18/hr job. I’d say he’s doing alright … you know, for an Aspie. (1/23/2019 – by Proud Momma)

Written on April 15, 2015

He feels the chasm between himself and his peers far deeper than most of them or we realize. He knows its there, sees it, reaches for it but doesn’t know how to bridge that gap of social right and wrong, of understanding the right words to speak or when to offer a hug or not, when to stop talking, when to tell a joke and how, if his ‘listener’ is listening. The most difficult thing is knowing the chasm exists – knowing it and focusing on it, almost to the point of exclusion of ability to then attempt to get “it” right – the over-focus blurs the lines and he feels like an orange blinking light in a steady sea of gray hues. Standing out like a throbbing, sore thumb and he wants to just fit in. To not blink so loudly or feel the pounding pain in his brain from perceived social injustice to his tortured “abnormal” self. He beats himself up emotionally. He tears at himself mentally. He jabs at himself verbally. He just wants to be understood … and it looms the impossible task. Especially when it comes to girls.

I find myself saying cliche’ things like “Mom loves you just like you are” and “God made you perfect” and it brings no comfort to his tortured self that wonders why and how and when. Though he tries to fit in, it just is never quite within his reach. That I can no longer ease his hurts with my own kisses and hugs tears at me too. He’s a man now, almost 19, and I wonder and ask God how my man-boy will navigate through the world once he steps out on his own … without me. His compass. His guide. His protector. His voice. His … yeah, I need to let go a bit and let myself know …

It’s okay that he stumbles some on this path to independence. Mom is always a phone call away – to simplify something that plagues him, to speak the words that his mind will hear, grasp, then understand. He has to figure himself out … and the time is approaching quickly where he will load his last bit of earthly possessions into a vehicle and he’ll drive up the street and disappear around the bend where the trees curve over the road, their branches covering, touching each other up in the air – a canopy like a tunnel to a new world. I’ll stand and wave, wipe a few tears, then wait for his will-come-soon-enough call.

I know he will find his own “normal” – probably more so when we don’t have each other at a constant beck and call.I know I’m an enabler. He’s codependent. Half the battle is in recognizing the issue. He has an “Aspergers” diagnosis and so what – that’s not what keeps him “down” … perhaps, might it be the codependency? The ease of having an overprotective parent to ward off the cruelty of “normal” people. At this, I raise an eyebrow. At this, I pose my newest question in all of this …

What is normal? And with that, who is to say what normal is?

I tell my boy that he will find his group. He will find his girl. There are plenty of folks roaming around in the world who are misfits of some sort. Heck, we all are in truth. None of us is “normal” and I don’t want to be – don’t want him to be. So, good for him with his Aspergers, though he wishes it were Synesthesia. He’s more “normal” than normal because he is abnormal and that makes him special. Not special needs … Special, unique, different. He’s got his own drumbeat and I like the rhythm. He’s quirky. He’s an old soul in a young man’s body. He loves computers and the Bible. He’s kind and has a strong work ethic. He’s a good kid – loves music. Mostly older stuff, which thrills his parents both! Led Zepplin blaring from the basement. Rock on kid, rock on. The Eagles. Petra. Weezer. The Beastie Boys. He’s diverse in a multiplicity of ways.

Gotta get him to a place where he embraces the “differences” in his own psyche – where he sees himself as fearfully and wonderfully made – exactly right. The orange square in a world of gray circles. He’ll get there. And it’ll need to be his own journey. Mom, back off. Let him stumble. Let him try. Let him fail. Watch him succeed. He’ll find his niche. And oh, what a niche it will be. Let him find that abnormal … his “normal.”

Aaron Likens calls it “Kansas” – finding that which makes you feel “normal” … my son will discover his in computers. I know this. He knows this. He’s well on his way … in fact he’s probably more there than you or I are. His quest for “normal” pales in comparison to the peer pressures that the majority of “normal” seekers fall into. For my son … peer pressure isn’t a thing. Why would he do what you’re doing? You’ll get in trouble. That’s dumb. He’s not about trouble. He’s about music and computers … and girls. So, no quest for peer pressure, just for peers to understand him. That’s a whole nother journey. And a good one.

He just wants to not be that sore thumb. I’ll give him that … a bit.

My word to him … we all feel like a sore thumb some days. And that … that makes you “normal” Son. Whatever normal means.

Keep being you. Love what you love. Do what you do. Enjoy all that life throws your way. Know I’m always around … just a phone call away. You’ll be great, kid. You’ll be swell.

Because YOU are more “normal” than the rest of us … because you are special. Your mind works unique to the rest of us drudgers – we’re all in competition with each other for the title of cool. You’ll not wear that crown, but so much the better for you, because YOU rise above it, above being Cool King kid. You, like so many others with Aspergers before you, you CHANGE the world. You invent. You focus. You digest. You make a difference. You don’t get caught up in the peer pressures and the idiocrasy of social living.

Follow what interests you.

Do your thing.

I’m gonna be right there enjoying your adventure … from the side. 🙂 This is YOUR show. Your special, unique, God-given, blessed journey – made just for you.

What will you do?

Who will you be?

I can’t wait to see.

Is This Young Man Undateable? #Aspergers

This young man feels undateable. It’s the bane of his existence (to him) that social cues are not something he grasps. Years of story here … And what he asks is this. “Why am I like this?”

He asks, though he know it is the Aspergers.

Aspergers? You’ve heard of it I’m sure. It’s infiltrating our world-that and Autism. So what is it and why does it make him feel unlovable? According to Merriam Webster, Aspergers is ….

A developmental disorder resembling autism that is characterized by impaired social interaction, by repetitive patterns of behavior and restricted interests, by normal language and cognitive development, and often by above-average performance in a narrow field against a general background of deficient functioning called also Asperger’s disorder

According to me, the Momma, it’s not a disorder, it is a difference that makes my son special, tense, kind, quiet, intense, and, to my dismay, frustrated. I see him as creative, different, his own special blend of awesome. With all that he is and with my gushing over him, all he wants to be normal . But, what is normal? Who gets to define normal and why do we let them?

As an Aspie, he is focused – the definition calls that restricted interests. He paces. Often. The definition calls that repetitive behavior. He is open to most folks even when they’ve expressed frustration with him. Non-verbals and social cues he struggles with. He just does. He doesn’t want to.

In retrospect, after a discussion with mom, he tries to understand what he feels he should have seen or known … After we discuss it, he makes mental notes, and tries again, only to struggle again, to say something awkward, to garner mockery from “friends.” He doesn’t understand, doesn’t see. Some days he just throws his hands into the social air and he hibernates, locking away with technology, music, games, reading, his Bible.

He is an old soul in a young man. I find that lovely and poetic. Though his language skills can falter, he himself is poetic. On paper, he can write his thoughts, his feelings, his ideas. Orally, he suffers. And I hurt with him.

In his mind, he is the proverbial sore thumb, sticking far out, never to be cared for by any other than his mom.

This is the struggle of a young Aspie. Fitting in. Trying. Failing. Struggling in a society that demands we all be alike … When he can’t.

With all of my Momma’s heart, I want him to know his beauty. To know he is a contributor to this amazingness of life. To know that in this world, there is a young woman who will love him for all his quirks and innocence.

Give my boy a shout out here would ya? Aspies unite! :). So much he needs to know he is not alone! Let me collect comments here that I can share with him … To bolster and encourage his amazing soul. Let him know he’s in good company with YOU …. And …

From www.disabled-world.com

Adam Young, multi-instrumentalist, producer and the founder of the electronic project Owl City.

Adrian Lamo, American computer hacker

Carl Soderholm, speaker in neuropsychiatric disorders

Clay Marzo, American professional surfer

Craig Nicholls, frontman of the Australian garage rock band, The Vines

Dan Aykroyd, comedian and actor: Aykroyd stated he has Asperger’s, but some feel he was joking.

Daniel Tammet, British autistic savant, believed to have Asperger Syndrome

Daryl Hannah, actress

Dawn Prince-Hughes, PhD, primate anthropologist, ethologist, and author of Songs for the Gorilla Nation

Gary Numan, British singer and songwriter

Heather Kuzmich, fashion model and reality show contestant on America’s Next Top Model

James Durbin, finalist on the tenth season of American Idol

Jerry Newport, American author and mathematical savant, basis of the film Mozart and the Whale

John Elder Robison, author of Look Me in the Eye

Judy Singer, Australian disability rights activist

Liane Holliday Willey, author of Pretending to be Normal, Asperger Syndrome in the Family; Asperger syndrome advocate; education professor; and adult diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at age 35

Lizzy Clark, actress and campaigner

Luke Jackson, author

Michael Burry, US investment fund manager

Nicky Reilly, failed suicide bomber from Britain

Paddy Considine, actor

Peter Howson, Scottish painter

Phillipa “Pip” Brown (aka Ladyhawke), indie rock musician

Raymond Thompson, New Zealand scriptwriter and TV producer

Richard Borcherds, mathematician specializing in group theory and Lie algebras

Robert Durst, American real estate developer accused of murder

Robert Napper, British murderer

Satoshi Tajiri, creator and designer of Pokemon

Tim Ellis, Australian magician and author

Tim Page, Pulitzer Prize-winning critic and author

Travis Meeks, lead singer, guitarist and song writer for acoustic rock band Days of the New.

Vernon L. Smith, Nobel Laureate in Economics

William Cottrell, student who was sentenced to eight years in jail for fire-bombing SUV dealerships

Speculated to have Asperger’s Syndrome

Abraham Lincoln,1809-1865, US Politician

Alan Turing, 1912-1954, English mathematician, computer scientist and cryptographer

Albert Einstein, 1879-1955, German/American theoretical physicist

Alexander Graham Bell, 1847-1922, Scottish/Canadian/American inventor of the telephone

Anton Bruckner , 1824-1896, Austrian composer

Bela Bartok, 1881-1945, Hungarian composer

Benjamin Franklin,1706-1790, US polictician/writer

Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970, British logician

Bobby Fischer, 1943-2008, World Chess Champion

Carl Jung, 1875-1961, Swiss psychoanalyst

Charles Rennie Mackintosh, 1868-1928, Scottish architect and designer

Emily Dickinson, 1830-1886, US poet

Erik Satie, 1866-1925 – Composer

Franz Kafka, 1883-1924, Czech writer

Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900, German philosopher

George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish playwright, writer of Pygmalion, critic and Socialist

George Washington, 1732-1799, US Politician

Gustav Mahler, 1860-1911, Czech/Austrian composer

Marilyn Monroe, 1926-1962, US actress

H P Lovecraft, 1890-1937, US writer

Henry Cavendish, 1731-1810, English/French scientist, discovered the composition of air and water

Henry Ford, 1863-1947, US industrialist

Henry Thoreau, 1817-1862, US writer

Isaac Newton, 1642-1727, English mathematician and physicist

Jane Austen, 1775-1817, English novelist, author of Pride and Prejudice

Kaspar Hauser, c1812-1833, German foundling, portrayed in a film by Werner Herzog

Ludwig II, 1845-1886, King of Bavaria

Ludwig Wittgenstein, 1889-1951, Viennese/English logician and philosopher

Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827, German/Viennese composer

Mark Twain, 1835-1910, US humorist

Michelangelo, 1475 1564 – Italian Renissance artist

Nikola Tesla, 1856-1943, Serbian/American scientist, engineer, inventor of electric motors

Oliver Heaviside, 1850-1925, English physicist

Richard Strauss, 1864-1949, German composer

Seth Engstrom, 1987-Present, Magician and World Champion

Thomas Edison, 1847-1931, US inventor

Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826, US politician

Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890, Dutch painter

Virginia Woolf, 1882-1941, English Writer

Wasily Kandinsky, 1866-1944, Russian/French painter

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, 1756-1791, Austrian composer

Historical people

Alfred Hitchcock, 1899-1980, English/American film director

Andy Kaufman, 1949-1984, US comedian, subject of the film Man on the Moon

Andy Warhol, 1928-1987, US artist.

Charles Schulz, 1922-2000, US cartoonist and creator of Peanuts and Charlie Brown

Glenn Gould, 1932-1982, Canadian pianist

Hans Asperger, 1906-1980, Austrian paediatric doctor after whom Asperger’s Syndrom is named

Howard Hughes, 1905-1976, US billionaire

Isaac Asimov, 1920-1992, Russian/US writer on science and of science fiction, author of Bicentennial Man

Jim Henson, 1936-1990, creator of the Muppets, US puppeteer, writer, producer, director, composer

John Denver, 1943-1997, US musician

L S Lowry, 1887-1976, English painter of “matchstick men”

Contemporary People

Al Gore, 1948-, former US Vice President and presidential candidate

Bill Gates, 1955-, Entrepreneur and philanthropist. A key player in the personal computer revolution.

Bob Dylan, 1941-, US singer-songwriter

Charles Dickinson, 1951, US Writer

Crispin Glover, 1964-, US actor

David Helfgott, 1947-, Australian pianist, subject of the film Shine

Garrison Keillor, 1942-, US writer, humorist and host of Prairie Home Companion

Genie, 1957-?, US “wild child” (see also L’Enfant Sauvage, Victor, )

James Taylor, 1948-, US singer/songwriter

Jamie Hyneman, 1956-, Co-host of Mythbusters

Jeff Greenfield, 1943-, US political analyst/speechwriter, a political wonk

John Motson, 1945-, English sports commentator

John Nash, 1928-, US mathematician (portrayed by Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind, USA 2001)

Joseph Erber, 1985-, young English composer/musician who has Asperger’s Syndrome, subject of a BBC TV documentary

Keith Olbermann, 1959-, US sportscaster

Kevin Mitnick, 1963-, US “hacker”

Michael Palin, 1943-, English comedian and presenter

Oliver Sacks, 1933-, UK/US neurologist, author of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Awakenings

Paul Kostabi 1962-, writer, comedian, artist, producer, technician

Pip Brown “Ladyhawke”, 1979-, New Zealand Singer/Songwriter, Musician

Robin Williams, 1951-, US Actor

Seth Engstrom, 1987-, Magician and World Champion in Sleight of Hand. The best man with a deck of cards that the world has ever seen.

Tony Benn, 1925-, English Labour politician

Cool. And I get to be his mom.

All Progress Depends on Unreasonable Men – Understanding My Aspie … AND Myself

Written on June 7, 2015

Just tall enough to rest his head on my chest just at my clavicle and for me to lay my head on his hair – he’s 12 now. 12 1/2. This boy, my son, ties my heart in knots. Back and forth, we go. Remembering, then forgetting that this difference called Aspergers resides inside him. That it forms him into a boy who functions apart from my other children, from other children in general. That he needs additional thought and consideration for effective communications to be had. He is a dichotomy. One second he’s fine – offering me an unsolicited hug, though hesitant, his hugs are sweet in the moment. Then, the next moment, he’s raging and it’s different now. He internalizes. No more daily explosions … but now, like a time bomb, you see it stored in his eyes. His jaw sets, teeth glued together, eyes hardened. Now, he looks at me and says with seething tone, “I don’t care.” And I believe him. He doesn’t care. There in that moment. There is no thought pattern other than rage at whatever sin entered into his mental space. In whatever way I digressed against the flow of his mind. Taking out the trash. Picking up laundry. Going to bed. All earth-ending occurrences. And he’s getting taller. Stronger. Harsh. This boy is mine, gifted to me by God, so I must know that I am the mother for him … standing in this, I find myself crying inside. It’s not that I want him to be “normal” because what does that mean. It is because I want for him to find his niche. To discover what it is and where it is that his Aspergian mind will camp and relish and discover. Knowing the how to help him toward that overwhelms. There are so many other kiddos in this house too … each one needs the Momma.

What I know about my Aspie is this …. what the world sees as unreasonable, different, abnormal … in him, will be a blessing. This quote to the right sings for all folks on the Autism spectrum. They’re becoming more normal than not. Again with that word “normal” … but truly, it will behoove us all to know someone on the autism spectrum, to learn them, to grasp how their minds function, to step into the worlds and journey with them though it seems off-kilter. Go with it. Embrace the differences that are entering this world. Do not be uncomfortable … says the Mom who walks in fear some days of her Aspergian son’s negative potential. See, what I know rationally is that the positive potential outweighs the negative. He has no desire to be hurtful. It is my duty, my privilege to guide him.
Here lies my trauma … I’m home so little. My tasks at work keep me consumed and I have a child with special needs who grows angrier yet internalizes it … to what end is the money, the independence worth the expense of him being 12 and left to his own self – no one messes with him at home – though there are three older siblings and two younger ones – he “hates” them all, though he doesn’t. He’s left to the PS3 and the XBox. He does what he wants. And I’m no good guide from miles away. So, this post … not sure the point and purpose, except that this Aspie mom’s heart is torn.
I see him growing stronger and his anger deepening. I see him with what I perceive as no consistent boundaries since I’m not here to be that measuring stick for him and for myself – but am I the only one to be this for him? He’s in all day Special School District during the school year, my husband is hands-on with him … all of that is good and fine and great … but my heart tells me he just needs the Momma. But maybe this isn’t necessarily so …. maybe we are doing just fine. Maybe I’m creating more of a dilemma that there actually is. It’s Aspergers not a debilitation. So, he’s not geared socially. So he functions on a different plane. So he rarely shows emotion. So he’s rigid. So he has sensory issues. So he wants to withdraw from everyone …
Ah, life. It’s ever-changing. Ever evolving. Ever daily new.
And my boy is different … and maybe so is his Momma.

Gestational Diabetes = Autism? My Story

Written on July 3, 2015

Mind blown … the possibility that Gestational Diabetes shows a potential link to Autism … this blows my mind, but then again doesn’t. The fact that increased blood sugar levels could interfere with brain development makes sense. Found information on WebMD and HuffingtonPost.

Why does it blow my mind? Personal experience. That’s why.

My first pregnancy, I weighed all of 125 pounds before and after – we’re talking

right after birth. Wanting to be a good little mommy-to-be I filled myself with Folic acid for the baby via Orange Juice. Filled. Once upon a day, I drank Orange Juice the way I now drink Diet Coke. All of that Juice caused me to fail the diabetes testing at the OBGyn. Sad weeks on finger sticks, dietitian visits, watching what I ate when I had no weight problem (oh, the days), kept me in check on the Gestational Diabetes. We had visits to the OBGyn where my belly and I were strapped to monitors for hours at a time, monitoring mine and the baby’s progress and sugar levels.

Keenan came into the world weighing 7 lbs 9 oz. Healthy and adorably the cutest baby ever that day in 1996. Long story short – getting to the punchline (which I’ve written about in numerous other posts) Keenan was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in 2008 – Aspergers being Level One Autism. Okay, so that aligns with what I’ve read today … but that doesn’t add to why the Mind Blown action here.

My fourth child birthed into the world in 2002 at a healthy 9 lbs even. His pregnancy did not develop like my previous three. My daughters both had easy gestational periods and I’ve already mentioned the Gestational Diabetes with Keenan. Having never been pregnant before Keenan, that was “normal” for me. Then the girls and I knew what “normal” felt like. So, at the onset of the fourth pregnancy and the beginning of bleeding, I cried for what seemed like weeks in fear of losing my baby.

At an appointment to ascertain the cause of the bleeding, the ultrasound revealed two sacs in the womb. Twins. But one was larger than the other … over the next few weeks, it became clear the Vanishing Twin Syndrome played a part in my distress and physical symptoms of miscarriage. Into the second trimester, only one sac showed on the monitor. The bleeding stopped and I somewhat relaxed. When the time came for the Gestational Diabetes test, I felt prepared. No Orange Juice for this girl. Learned that lesson and the two girls came through beautifully – no more finger sticking for me!

I failed the one hour test. The four-hour test showed only slight Gestational Diabetes and my doctor felt disinclined to address it – just told me to watch myself. We’re talking slight. So … I somewhat tried. At that point, I was more concerned with having him before my 30th birthday than any other portion of the unfolding event. That day passed. My goal of being completed with pregnancies before 30 … unrealized.

Might have been some slight depression. Call it silly. It was a thing.

Koel is my fourth child. He is the subject of many blog posts here. Koel also carries the Aspergers, Level One Autism, diagnosis, though his symptoms are more severe than Keenan’s. Our journey thus far with Koel is the stuff of nonfiction writing (which I’m working to complete as a memoir – I know there are so many parents out there experiencing what we did for so long – what’s wrong and why can’t anyone help us?).

For years I’ve wondered if the Vanishing Twin Syndrome played a part in his struggles … still, have that theory … feeling there must be a portion there somehow, someway, that my son is missing a part of himself. Randomly on his own once he told my father he once had a twin. Stunned. We were stunned. I don’t recall having ever told him such a thing.

With the subsequent two pregnancies, I experienced no issues or Gestational Diabetes. My two little men are … boys. Through and through rough and tumble crazy boys. Throwing balls, wrestling, eating, making noise … all boys. “Normal” to the core of each.

So … MIND BLOWN. With both of my Aspie boys, there was an issue of Gestational Diabetes.

So, today, I’m like … wow. Increased sugar levels. Makes sense. The articles I’ve read are recent, from April 2015. These are emerging ideas. More research will come and the findings will not now affect my family per se, but pregnant moms out there … read the article I’ve attached in the “Huffington Post” and be aware. Do research. My experience shows a correlation. Not saying it’s 100% the reason I have two boys on the Autism spectrum, but it certainly raises my eyebrows and if I can help other moms who want to answer the question “Why?” and the question “How?” … that’s what I’m about.

Our journey to and with the Aspergers diagnosis’ was/continues to be long and difficult – including school bullying and full day Special School District, fits of rage, explanations of perceived “rudeness” on the parts of my children. Many tears, much frustration. I love my Aspies – they see the world differently than you and I that is for sure and I wouldn’t change today who they are – in fact, Aspies rock this world! There’s thought that Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein were both Aspies along with many other highly creative and intellectual people … but awareness is good. Awareness is everything.

Having answers to questions like “Why?” and “How?” set us on a path to success … get those out of the way and determine how to rock on down the Special road.

Have to say it one more time …. MIND BLOWN. Wow.

How about you?

An Aspergian Moment of Awesome

Written on August 25, 2015

After a thirteen hour work day, I arrived home yester-evening to a plethora of activity. Mostly little boys fighting. The 7 and 9-year-olds. Back and forth all while I’m trying to determine at almost 9:00 p.m. why hadn’t anyone eaten dinner. A punch went the wrong way – actually the right way, it landed. Screaming erupted and the volcano spewed forth a 7-year-old tirade of I’m really just overly tired and hungry but what we all received was “The earth is melting and all humanity with it!”

To this, my Aspie – Koel Thomas, the very center of my posts on Aspergers, who has been the fit thrower in our home for years upon years, to his brother said, “Stop, man. There’s no reason for it.”

Mom stopped in disbelief – shaken. It was as if the earth shifted. Time stood still, no not still, it just slowed to an incredible snail pace and I felt my head turn, almost saw my own head turn in disbelief … THAT very boy … wow. He stood there observing the situation, offended by the screams, interrupted from his own train of thought, and everything changed.

My boy is growing up. He’s seeing and recognizing. He’s taking responsibility for his actions. He’s stepping out of himself to recognize what’s happening around him. Beautiful. Loved that moment last night.

Hadn’t said anything … but I stopped giving him his medicine at the beginning of the summer. And this is where we are. He’s the calm one.

What do you know? 🙂

Living With Aspergers & Magic is Real

Written on March 3, 2016

Yesterday I sent a text to my oldest son. It simply said, “I love you, Keenan.”

No response, so I added, “so much.”

His reply … “Yeah, and magic is real too.”

Horrified for me? Don’t be. My son has an Asperger’s diagnosis. Level one autism. He lives on a different plane than his momma. His brain functions differently. Emotions skewed if understood at all. So, I do not take it personally. At least he responded. He doesn’t always because he does not understand that I want/need to hear from him in return.

Mom says she loves me. Ok. So.

Aaron Likens is an adult with Aspergers. He travels, speaks, and has written a book that has forever changed the way I parent my two Aspie sons. “Finding Kansas” …

My recommendation is that if you struggle with Autism in your family, in the workplace, in a friendship … Pick up his book. Devour it. Read it over and over. Dig into the insights on every page.

Do not live with hurt feelings and misunderstandings anymore. It sat heavy on my heart to share this little bit with you … Life with Aspergers need not be a burden but a blessing … Arm yourself with testimonies of those who live it themselves. Aaron Likens and Temple Grandin are both a beautiful starting point.

My son does not intend to hurt my feelings. He’s just stating what he thinks. And why wouldn’t he, he’ll counter.

You’re right, kid – and maybe magic is real. Thanks for responding. I love you more. 😉